Day 61 - Being judgemental

Do you take people at face value or do you judge them when you meet them? The answer to this question is a pretty tricky one. You would love to say that you take everyone at face value but in reality you end up judging every single thing they say. A different way to ask would be "Are you a good judge of people?" and I'm sure the answer to that from most of you would be 'Yes'.

But reality lies somewhere in between. As humans it is the easiest thing to do to judge people, their actions and their words. We judge people at all times in different ways. We judge according to status - our servants are always 'kaamchor' while we are not; we judge by religion; we judge by ethnicity - Americans are different than us or Europeans are different; we judge by clothes - a badly dressed person is somehow not as good as a well dressed one even if the opposite is true. How many times have you looked at a shabbily dressed person and thought that he is probably less educated than you or the well dressed person next to him? Many times or maybe always. As I once heard someone day "Even when you don't care, others judge you on your appearance" and how many times have we heard the saying "Clothes make a man".

It is very easy to pass judgment on someone without knowing any details of why the person acted that way or said those things. We all do it. When a friend comes to us and says things about their boss or another person, we judge them and form a perception in our minds. When we hear about someone getting angry or smashing things or a celebrity lashing out at a photographer or a friend, we judge them and form opinions without trying to find out why they did what they did. If our friend comes and tells us that they are breaking up with their partner we automatically assume that the partner must be in the wrong. We form a judgment without knowing the truth.

And therein lies the issue in our lives. We form a judgement about people without knowing the facts. This impacts not just our personal lives but also gets into our professional lives. We form a judgement about our peers, our boss and our colleagues. We forget that unless you are in the same situation as the other person you cannot decide what is a right or a wrong decision and hence have no right to form an opinion about the situation or the person. Every time you try to form an opinion or a judgement ask yourself what you would do in the same situation. If your answer is that you don't know or you have insufficient data, stop there and don't form an opinion about the person. Don't judge!

Being non-judgemental and living by the credo 'to each his own' makes living that much easier. Is it easy? Definitely not. Being judgemental is in our DNA but try it for some situations. It might help you!

Day 49 - Losing my religion

Deepavali 2009 was a good one. I had my family over and it was one big Indian family affair. My parents and grandmom came down from Delhi while my sis flew in from Mumbai. The kids had a blast being spoilt with gifts from the grandparents and the aunt. Deepavali is after all the most important festival and it is always good to have your family around you.

As part of the 'days of deepavali' we had the Lakshmi Puja in the house. My Dad did the puja and in the 12 years of marraige and stay at this house, this must have been the second time that an actual full fledged Lakshmi Puja happened in my house. The first time too it was because Dad was with us. My kids watched with fascination as my Dad did the Puja and that got me thinking.

When we were growing up one of my lasting memories of Deepavali is the puja that would happen in the house when my sister and me were supposed to behave, keep quiet and not make noise. We would wait patiently for the puja to get over so that we could start bursting the crackers. But in the midst of all that we would get the gist of the puja and the reason it was being done. We would understand our religion through these rituals. We would get to know the Gods and what they stand for. We learnt to respect them and seek their blessings.

I am not a deeply religious man and so I don't know the puja's and don't perform them. So I wonder, What will my children remember? How will they learn about the rituals and their meanings? How will they get to understand their religion? Is it important? Do they need to know?

Whenever an important festival comes along, like Ganesh Chaturthi or Deepavali or Dussera, I feel a bit inadequate that I am unable to explain the intricacies of our rich culture, traditions and rituals associated with our religion because I did not learn growing up. These rituals form a basis of our culture, the understanding of our religion forms a cornerstone of our existence. So how will I be able to pass on these to my children when I myself am unaware of these.

Then larger question loom of whether it is really essential to know these things? 20 years down the line when my children grow up will they need to know these things or will religion and its meaning be different for them? My religion is my faith in God. Is faith enough or should it also have the rituals around it?

So many questions and so few answers. When I pass on the tapestry of life to them will it be a rich one or will the corner that symbolises religion be a worn out patch with loose threads?

Is my next generation losing my religion?