Day 83 - Yes Man

Jim Carrey's 'Yes Man' is an interesting movie with a premise that unless you say Yes to EVERY thing in life you are not living life. You are closing yourself to multiple life opportunities and never exposing yourself to the experiences that you might have with a YES!

Of course as the movie progresses it does end with a concept that you first start saying Yes to everything so that you open up but then you say Yes only if you want to.

But on a more serious note I tried to think how much of this is true. Do we say No to a lot of hinges in life without realizing what it can open up to us? I have friends on both sides of this equation. Friends who say No to a lot of things because they think that they cannot cope up with it or that the thought of the experience frightens them and they are sure that they cannot do it or don't want to do it. On the other side are people who have taught me that unless you say Yes sometimes how do you know what is in store for you?

I try to live with the second philosophy. Say Yes to somethings sometimes. Weigh the odds but be open to saying Yes. I try to tell people around me the same and I recently had an experience of that. We were in Singapore having a family vacation. At the Universal studios Shrek roller coster ride, my 8 year old daughter refused to get on the ride. I tried to explain to her that unless she experiences it once and says Yes to it how will she know if she likes it or not? She was adamant that she will not like the experience. After much persuasion she got on to the ride. She had such a great experience that she got on to every single roller coster ride after that and had a great time. The same vacation saw my 60 year old Mom getting afraid of the Luge ride in Santosa Island. Same explanation and she did the ride. The result? She had such a great time that when we got out there was another family where the elder lady was getting scared to get on. My mother talked to her and told her that she should try it!

Unless you say Yes, how will you know whether you will like it or not? Unless you experience it first hand, how do you know what YOUR choices are? It applies to all things in life - jobs, parenthood, adventure sports, food, love, relationships - everything. Make your own informed choices. Don't depend on someone else to take that decision for you. Say Yes to an option and make your own mistakes.

It could be a job that you have been offered but don't know if you should take. It could be the girl that you like but don't know if you should ask. It could be 'goose feet' or 'mini octopus' in front of you but you don't know if you should taste. Yes, I have tasted Goose Feet and Mini Octopus they are not bad. I have told a girl that I liked her a lot when she was out of my league and months later I married her! I'm very scared of the reverse bungee in Clarke Quay in Singapore but when I get a chance I will try it!

The idea is to make your own decisions but be open to saying Yes to a lot of things. I'm not saying say YES to every and anything that comes your way but be open to saying Yes. Say Yes to taking a huge python around you. My daughter did and now she has a story to tell her friends. The exhilaration that you will experience when you say Yes to something but maybe still make a mistake will stay with you for your life. That life lesson will stay on as it was your experience not what someone else told you!

Let's resolve to say Yes sometimes to things that we think we may not be able to do or are scared to do!

Live Life!

Day 82 - Image

I was watching a John Travolta movie on the flight back from Singapore to Bangalore - From Paris with Love - in which Travolta was his usual self - a cocky, no nonsense, rebellious, stylish undercover cop blasting his way through a slew of terrorists with guns blazing and a cigarette dangling from his lower lip while his partner cowers in fright.

What an image!

And then I realised that this is how one thinks of John Travolta. Think back and you realise that the movies you loved him in were exactly in this image - Broken Arrow, Pulp Fiction, Swordfish, Get Shorty etc - are all about him being suave and sophisticated. He did try to do a 'Hairspray' but its difficult to imagine him like that now. Or Robin Williams is always funny.

Closer home we associate strict image perceptions for our actors and actresses as well. SRK is the lover boy and good man, Salman Khan is stylish, Aamir Khan is intense and so on and so forth. Its difficult for our actors to break out of their images and they find success with movies when they align themselves to the public perception of their image.

This got me thinking. Do we do this in our daily lives as well? Do we form images in our minds of friends, colleagues and then stick to those perceptions? "Oh don't give any work to him, he never completes things on time" or "You need to tell her a time that's way in advance of the actual meeting time coz she's always late" or "He's a nerd or a geek" and so on.

When the image perception assumption creeps into our daily lives it creates problems. We start assuming the decisions that the person will make. We start thinking about what the person may say and take that as a definitive answer without even asking them about it. "Don't ask him to work late. He never does". "Don't ask him to contribute money for the birthday gift. He won't do it" or even the other extreme "Let's tell him that everyone has given x coz he always gives 2x" and many such situations. We start making assumptions for others and that is always a dangerous situation.

This implies from generalistic assumptions about race, nationality, caste etc to even small ones about our family members, our work colleagues and our friends.

We are all human so we are all bound to form our opinions about people. What we need to guard against is that the image-perception does not color all our interactions with the person. We do not assume the decisions for that person and don't form hard-wired perception in our mind. Be open to the fact that each decision that a person takes could have a story or a reason behind it. Yes, sometimes even multiple similar ones.

Be open, be liberal.....it will help in the long run!