Day 74 - Death

Quite a morbid word to write a post on, isn't it? But the fact of death hit home in a different manner today. One of my closest friend's mother-in-law passed away last evening after a prolonged struggle. I was speaking to him a few days back on the topic and we started discussing about what is the best way to die. Death, after all, is the only certainity of life. Do what you may, the end result is defined and constant.

I've been fortunate not to see death at close quarters till now. My grandfather passed away a few years back and Gina passed away last year. The two were in absolute contrast to each other. My grandfather died in his sleep. He went to sleep one night and never woke up. He was old and had lived his life. Gina, on the other hand, died suddenly and has left a gap which is difficult to understand or fill. There was so much that she still had to accomplish.

What is more difficult or easy? Knowing when you are going to die or just passing away suddenly? After all from your perspective you are here one moment and not there the next. Should one think about oneself and be selfish or should one think about others when you dwell on this topic? Of course the discussion really is futile because you cannot control when Lord Yama or the Grim Reaper will come for you. But humor me!

I've always envied and loved the manner of my grandfather's passing. He went away peacefully and at the end of a fruitful life. I have often wondered if I could be so lucky when my time comes. Death after a prolonged struggle with disease saps you and your family of energy. The affected person wishes to pass away but life is something that you cannot give up easily even if its in pain. The final journey affects everyone but at the same time one does get to say one's good-byes, set things in order and thank your loved ones. One also gets time to do the things that one wanted to in life - the bucket list. But can these cancel out the suffering of the loved ones as they see you, bear you and comfort you in pain?

On the other hand a sudden passing is a blessing for oneself (I guess). No suffering, hopefully no pain. But it also leaves one's dreams and wished unfulfilled. One does not get to say goodbyes and tell the loved ones. One leaves an unexplained gap in the hearts and lives of the loved ones remaining behind. And the question that gets asked to God - Why? - has no answer. The loved ones remaining behind have to deal with that question and the gap for the rest of their lives. The sudden passing away of Ranjan Das, stories of how a relative went to play tennis or came back after a walk or went to the bathroom and passed away are related by people as lucky chances but always with a tinge of sadness that it was too sudden. Can the pain of the loved ones left behind balance the sudden passing away of the person?

Very difficult to answer or think about. I think my grandfather was lucky in that he lived his life, said his good byes across the later stage of his life and passed away peacefully. He must have done some good things in this or a previous life to be so lucky.

I wonder sometimes if I will be! Will you be?