Day 80 - Three Heroes

23rd March 1931 - tell that date to the Indian public and say that it is a significant date in the Indian freedom struggle and I can guarantee you that 99.9% of the Indian population would not be able to say why. At the same time mention 2nd October or 14th November or event 31st January and there will be a significant portion that will get it right.

Why is that? Why have we or our government over the years made Gods out of Mahatma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru but have forgotten other freedom fighters? Why is it that we do not remember Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel or Maulana Azad ? Is it because human nature makes heroes out of a few and forgets the character artists? The do-ers of the plan?

Any freedom struggle in the world has always been fought on two separate paths - one of violence and aggression and the other on restraint, dialogue and non-violence. The easiest path to take is that of aggression - an eye for an eye - to show your strength to the enemy and mercilessly beat him down into submission. Gandhi showed India, and the world, that there is another path that one can take and succeed. Gandhiji's way got India its independence and maybe that is the reason we celebrate him as our leader.

But there was another battle being fought along the sidelines - the battle of aggression and revenge - being fought by the Hindustan Republican Association or better known by its leader Bhagat Singh. Bhagat Singh energised the youth with his fiery ideas and got many a youth to fight for our freedom. His revolutionary ways irked the British Government and created a plausible danger for them that the Indian freedom struggle might become a violent one as compared to the easy non-violent one that Gandhi was suggesting. Bhagat Singh and his compatriots were the only ones who asked for and sought revenge for Lala Lajpat Rai's murder and the Jalianwala Bagh massacre. To the Britishers he was a terrorist but to us he was a freedom fighter.

So why have we forgotten heroes like Bhagat Singh and his ilk? Are we embarrassed about their revolutionary ways in our history of non-violence and ahimsa? Do we want to put them in the shadows of our history and forget them? Why don't we wish to remember that people like him readily accepted death so that many youth could get energised and fight for our freedom? It is important that we do not belittle the acts and the path of Bhagat Singh. That was one more way to seek independence. Is it the right way? Who are we to tell? But did many youth join the freedom struggle because of him?I'm sure they did.

23rd March 2011 will be the 80th anniversary of the hanging of Bhagat Singh, Shivaram Rajguru & Sukhdev Thapar - three heroes who stood up to the British and showed us a different way. Maybe we should petition the government to declare 23rd March as Heroes Day.

Day 79 - Technology & Personlisation

I celebrated my birthday a few days back. One more year of life and one more year of experiences.

It always feels great when people wish you on your birthday. This is one day when friends and family try to make it a special day for you and it always feels good to revel in it. Over the last couple of years though there has been a subtle change in the way that wishes have come my way on this day. While earlier it used to be a lot of cards delivered by the postman, today its more about wishes on facebook profile page, sms-es on the cell phone, calls from people and visits to the house by some.

As I looked at all this on my birthday I realised that technology has pushed the boundaries of access and it is up to oneself to take it in whichever way you want. What do I mean by that?

At one end of the spectrum I can feel sad that I no longer receive those birthday cards from family and friends. I loved receiving them and I still have some of them from 10 years back. Those were special moments as your friend or family sent you a card and you waited to receive it. You waited for them and enjoyed the moment of ripping open the envelope. Some cards were funny, some emotional and some with nice messages. As I got those cards, I would feel the importance that the person attached to me. They would gone to a shop, looked at many cards before selecting one, taken the pain to write the message, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and posted it. It was a process of connecting with the person at the other end and a small gesture to make you understand how special you were. You could also know how important you were to whom when the person sent the card. You attached a special value to receiving birthday wishes from these people and felt sad if you didn't receive a card one year for whatever reason. It was personal!

At the other end of the spectrum is today's world where you receive hundreds of messages on your facebook or Orkut profile page and many sms-es on your phone on the day of your birthday. A lot these wishes, however, are people who are wishing you for the sake of wishing you with no personal interest in the same. Oh, it's his birthday,let me just send a wish and be done with. I am guilty of that too. But technology has given us the ability to keep in touch with people that we would normally have not. I receive wishes from my college, school and work people who normally would have never known my birthday or wished me. Its a good way to keep in touch with them. But I think the personalisation is gone.

So does this whole technology thing destroy personal touch?

I think not. I think the definition of personalisation changes with changing times. In today's world a personal touch is something different. While earlier it would mean taking the effort to select and send a card, in today's world you need to look at it differently. In today's technology conscious world there are levels. Let's assume a scale of 1 to 5 of personalisation with 1 being least personal and hence least effort and 5 being the most and hence very close.

1. People who wish you on your profile page are ones who want to be in touch and use the benefit of technology to wish you on your special day.
2. People who sms you exhibit a slightly more degree of being personal with you - they know your number and have taken the effort to wish you through that technology
3. People who call you are those who value you more and have taken a larger effort to actually spend the time and effort to engage with you on your special day and wish you. They may be at a far away place or separated by time and distance but they call you nevertheless. They would want to be at '4' but cannot due to geographical or some other reason.
4. People who visit you on your birthday and party with you or spend time with you exhibit just how much they value you. They have taken the effort not to hind behind the technology mask or use the tools but to actually come and visit you on your birthday or some day near your birthday.
5. People who give you gifts or make special gifts for you are the most personal ones or those who consider you as most close to them. They have not only taken the effort to come but also, like in old days, actually spent time thinking about you and what would make you happy. Hold these people close to you and value them a lot.
   

In this technology hungry and avid world its the 3's, 4's and the 5's who you should value the most and tell them that you value and appreciate what they do for you.

That is personalisation in the technology world!

How many do you have in these categories?

Day 78 - Hindu death rites and Women!

Hindus believe in re-incarnation and living the cycle of life and death till we attain moksha. Hindus are cremated on their death and it is believed that cremation helps the soul escape quickly from the body.

While there are rituals involved in 'Antim Sanskar' the key part of all this is that the ceremony is done by the 'man' of the house. If the family does not have a son, its the son-in-law or the closest male relative. I am sure there is a reason for that somewhere in our Hindu tradition. One, I believe, is that the son is responsible for opening the gates of heaven for the parents when he performs their funeral rites saving them from the hell of Punamma where people without sons are believed to go.Thereafter he performs the 'shraddha' ceremony at regular intervals to ensure their well being in heaven.

The question I have always wanted to ask is why are women not allowed to do the last ceremonies? If a family has only girl children then why are they not allowed to say their final good byes and ensure their parents journey into heaven? What should some unconnected man do these ceremonies? A man who has not lived with this person, who has not shared their joys, who has not supported them in times of sadness, who has no clue about the person in an intimate manner is supposed to ensure that the Gods allow the person into heaven by doing the last rites? C'mon....you've got to be kidding me! When the final journey has to be undertaken who better to ask for permission from God and promise to upkeep the parent's last wishes than the child of the parent? So what if the child is a girl!!

On the tenth day ceremony a pinda (rice ball) is offered to crows who are considered messenger birds of Yama, the God of death. The idea is that if the crows accept and eat the rice ball, then the dead person has entered heaven. If the crows do not then there is some last wish that still needs to be fulfilled and the person doing the ceremony commits to upholding or fulfilling such wishes that he thinks the dead person might be holding on to. Its really a trail and error thing till the crows eat the pinda. Now imagine this ceremony being done by a 'man' who is unconnected to the family! How will he know what the dead person - the parent - is holding on to as his last wish! So why should an unconnected man do these ceremonies? Should this be the prerogative of the child of the family? So what if the child is girl!!

Tradition is the word given to this rite. But traditions are broken right? The Sati tradition, the widow re-marriage tradition?

For me this issue will come up when my one of my in-laws pass away. They have two daughters.So Will it fall on me or my brother-in-law to do the last rites? For whatever length they live, between my bro-in-law and me we would still know them for a small percentage of their life time. Who are we to help them on their last journey?

The prerogative and the right is for the children who have been with them their whole lives. Who have learnt from them. Who have idolised them. Who have loved them and fought with them. Who respect them. I think the daughters should do it. Its their prerogative, their father or mother, their family, their parent's last journey and their last request from the Gods to keep them safe.

But will 'samaj' and so called family friends allow it? But most important would the girl children of the family stand up and demand it?

On this women's day, I think its time that the women stood together to break this tradition as well!

Day 77 - Would you stand by me?

Ruchika Girhotra's case has hogged the limelight for some time now and rightly so. Abuse of power was always a known thing in India but this case brought to light the horror that a family has to endure when they rub someone in power the wrong way. From the girl giving up her life to a continuous harassment spanning more than 19 years the plight of the Girhotra family sends shivers down my spine.

NDTV recently did their 'Indian of the Year' award and one of the recipients was Aradhana Gupta as an 'Extraordinary Indian'. If you are searching for an example of a perfect friend then I think you don't need to look any further. Here is a lady who has stood by her friendship for over two decades and fought for justice for her friend. For 19 years people.

Go back 19 years in your life and see if you had a 'good' friend at that time. Are you in touch with that friend? Do you still talk to each other? Would you run to his or her defence if they were in trouble? Would you lend them money or welcome them to your house? Answer these questions from two perspectives - if you have had a long distance friendship with that person sporadically for 19 years and if you have never seen that person for 19 years but you were best friends all that while back. Can you do that exercise?

And now we realise the extraordinary strength, resolve and commitment that Aradhana Prakash nee Gupta has shown for her friend Ruchika Girhotra. And have no doubts that she is extraordinary.

As normal human beings we tend to forget promises that we make to living people a few years back. Keeping promises over decades and lifetimes are only the stuff of movies. After all the movie gets over in 3 hours and neither are we shown the struggles nor do the actors have to endure it. But Aradhana did....for 19 years she carried - and still carries - the flame of her friendship and commitment to Ruchika. Across marriage, across continents, across time she has fought for justice for her friend. How many of us will actually stand by a friend who doesn't exist anymore? It is so much easier to give up the fight and call it someone else's rather than continue on that path. There must have been countless times when Aradhana must have thought that its easier to continue her life without thinking about what happened to Ruchika or fighting for her - when she got married and started a new life or when she went to a new country or when she had a baby but she did not and therein lies her extra-ordinariness. Remember she was not in the spotlight all this while. She did not expect it, she did not ask for it, she only fought for her friend.

Its natural for the flame of a fight or passion for justice to die away in a few years especially when the visual of your broken friend is not in front of you - its just her picture. But Aradhana's did not. What kept her motivated? What kept her focussed on her goal? I guess the answer only she knows.

If Ruchika ever asked Aradhana the question during her tough times - Will you stand by me? - I think the answer is for the whole to India to see now. For that my salute and humble bow goes more to Aradhana than to Ruchika in this case.

Friendships should have a new benchmark now. Do you have a 'Aradhana' in your circle of friends?