Day 8: Effect Statements

I've always been interested in 'Effect Statements' and obviously on the effect that these statements have on people. That's an interesting statement, isn't it? :)

But what are these 'effect statements' that I am talking about.

As humans we communicate and let the other person know our thoughts. Most of our communication is harmless and generic in nature. However, as we grow older some amount of selfishness crops into our communication. We communicate to extract something from others in terms of material things or emotions. This could be to our friends, girl/boy friend, parents, spouses, bosses, colleagues and almost everybody.

There are times when we make certain statements to people that we don't mean but we hope that they'll mean a lot to the other person and help us get what we want. That's an Effect Statement!! Still confusing?

Have you ever told a girl that you love her without meaning it but hoping that she would feel good and maybe give you the emotional and physical touch that you want? That's an effect statement. You really don't love her and don't mean it at all but you hope that the girl likes what she hears, believes that you love her and 'melts' in your arms!

Have you ever been told that you are a very kind person by someone and then realised that you ended up giving a large donation by your standards? Or have you been congratulated by everyone in office and then proceeded to give a party for that? Then you may have fallen prey to the 'effect statements'. Neither of them meant those statements but were able to extract what they wanted - a donation or a tip or a party or something to that extent.

Effect statements when made for small materialistic gains may not be that dangerous - a party, some money.

But when the same statements are made for emotional gains, the repercussions can be long lasting and dangerous. A girl thinks that the boy loves her and has an intimate relation with him only to realise that he never meant any of that. A parent tells their kid that you can marry her/him over their dead body and put a stop to something that can make the kid happy. A friend tells you that he/she is your best-est friend and then goes on to bitch about you to the whole world. These can be dangerous effect statements.

Learn to know when a statement is an effect statement and when it is the truth. My solution is look at the eyes and body language of the person. A sincere statement will almost always be delivered with eye contact and with confidence.

Always protect yourself against these 'effect statements' and the people who make them.

Day 6 - Let dead people be!

Deep in the jungle a majestic lion dies. Word spreads that the king of the jungle is dead and all the animals come to pay their respects. They bow in front of the king, put flowers, speak nice words, hold a ceremony for animals from other jungles and finally cremate / bury him (depends on his religion, you see).

Scenario 1 (Post cremation / burial): After a few days the scavengers come visiting - the vultures and the hyenas. They take the memory of the dead king and start shredding it to pieces. Word of this spreads too and all the other animals come to see. The animals are so interested that at the end they only remember the shreded, mutilated body of the king and not the majestic king himself. The spririt of the king cries tears of distress as the animals have forgotten all the good work he did for them.

Scenario 2 (Post cremation / burial): Some of the animals go back home and are so distressed that they try to burn themselves. Some commit suicide in memory of the dead king. In this jungle too scavengers come visiting after some time but the animals are not interested to know about that. After a few attempts, the scavengers realise that its no fun and leave the jungle. The animals revere the dead king, build statues in his name and remember all the good things that the king did for them. The spirit of the king is happy.

By now you must have realised where I am going with this and what the scenarios represent. NO? OK....let me elaborate.

Our culture represents scenario 2. After a celebrity dies we are always reverential of him/her and do not speak bad things. The celebrity's negative traits are kept within the house and even if someone wants to bring it up, we do not encourage the media or the person. We always try to remember the good traits of the celebrity and institute awards or build statues in their memory. That's the way we have been bought up and that's the way we respect the dead.

I always wonder why the western world is like scenario 1. When a celebrity dies its just a matter of time before the western world starts character assasination. This goes on to such an extent that you forget what the celebrity stood for. Its been hardly some time since MJ has died and already the scavengers have started. La Toya Jackson said he was killed for his money, someone else comes up and says that MJ was gay and this is just the beginning. I am sure there is lots more to come. Media deals will be struck and books will be written by his nanny, his body guard, his driver, his make-up man and all others trying to bring about one 'shocking' trait of him so that the book sells. In some time we may remember him more for these traits than for the wonderful entertainer that he was.

What do you remember Diana as? A beautiful woman or one who was supposed to have had an affair with everyone under the sun. Why do they do that? What perverse pleasure does the western world gain in this? I wonder!

Is our approach right? I think it is. If we talk of our values and our culture, I think this is one part of it.

Can we please stop the slandering and just remember MJ as the musician and entertainer extraordinaire that he was?