Day 73 - Money or Recognition

'Work is worship'; 'My hobby and my passion has become my job. How lucky can I get?' or 'I love what I do' - statements like these are not true for all of us. For almost 95% of us our work is a means to an end - a way to make sure that the home fires are burning and that we are making a decent living for ourselves and our families.

So what motivates us to keep working? To keep doing the same job in the same company or same job in a different company or maybe a different job in the same company or......you know what I mean? I think there are only two things for which we work - money and recognition. When these two are combined - when you get good money and it comes with a recognition of what you do, you tend to stay back in the organisation or a longer time or you have a jump in your step when you get to work each morning.

The fun starts when one of these (or in tough times like these both) do not come through. When you start feeling that the money is not enough for the work that you are doing you start looking for a change. I have a different view to this in that money is NEVER enough for what you do. There will always be someone else who you think does less work but earns more than you - always - and our problem is that we tend to compare ourselves with those people. We never compare ourselves with someone who does more work but earns less. Maybe we do but we don't feel happy about it - rather we feel sorry for that guy and then we go back to bitching how we earn less. When tough times come across when money does not increase over a long period of time, we get frustrated and try to change our jobs in hope of more money but falling the same trap of less motivation.

I believe that a lack of money can be 'compensated' by due recognition. Giving an award to an employee always motivates the person, maybe for a short period of time. A recognition in front of ones peers and management is good for the ego. When people clap and congratulate you, you tend to forget about the other motivator - money. You feel happy for the few brief moments of some weeks or months and you revel in the adulation. Organisations need to look at rewards and recognitions more seriously during tough times. When you cannot give money to motivate a person, make sure that the person is recognised for what they do in front of everyone.

But can one replace the other completely? Can someone be happy with just recognition in place of small increments in money? Or can someone be motivated by just money but complete lack of recognition of the work they do? Is a balance necessary or can we identify these types and keep them happy with just one motivator?

In the short term one of them can be enough of a motivator - give more money or give more awards. But in the long term a balance is absolutely critical. At some point the person getting only the awards will start to look at money and vice-versa as well. The one getting only the money will start thinking about the pats-on-the-back and the congratulations and the adulation that the award winner is getting. He will want a piece of that too.

What do you think? Money or Recognition? What motivates you?

Day 72 - Gandhi

While flipping channels on TV I came up against the movie 'Gandhi' and decided to watch it again - after all it is India's 60th Republic Day today! I also invited Ipsi to sit and watch it with me as I wanted her to learn about the struggle for Independence and Gandhiji's role in it.

But as I watched the movie I started questioning myself about the manner in which he fought for our independence. In trying to explain the concept of Ahimsa to a 7 year old, I struggled to make myself believe that it can actually be done that way. I tried to explain to my daughter that Gandhiji taught that if someone hits you don't hit him back even though that is your most natural reaction. He taught that you take his beating not once, not twice but many times, but never lift your finger. It will hurt but in the end the 'evil' person will recognise their mistake and bow down to you.

Even when I was explaining this to her and showing her the specific scenes in the movie to drive home the point, I was wondering how the people of India believed in his words and actually practiced it and followed it. What made the millions of Indians leave their natural tendencies of fighting and retaliation and follow an unknown path outlined by an unknown person and dedicate their lives to it? What made them love this frail old man in a loin cloth and agree to follow him on the most difficult path?

Some of the answers are there, of course. He was the only man who spoke about the people and for the people, who traveled to understand the people, who lived with them and translated their pains into actionable items.

The other obvious question is Would we follow his path if it was offered to us? In a way the question is quite invalid since it is not the same world and the same circumstances. But if the situation so demanded would we be able to fight a fight the ahimsa way or does power-of-strength rule the way today? Is might right or would Gandhiji's words that 'Injustice should be made visible' the right way? Would you teach your kid to fight their battles the ahimsa way and walk the long path or the violent way and try to walk the shorter path?

Its a difficult question to answer but one worth thinking about!

Day 71 - Two 'Innocent' Questions

As Indians we typically as two questions of a new person we meet. Think of it and play it in your mind. You've just met a new person, you've shaken hands with him and know his name. What are the next two questions you ask him?

Where are you from? What do you do?

While the questions by themselves are innocent, the reason for asking them are not. We tend to start slotting people into the small boxes of our judgment once we hear the answers. The ideal situation is to meet someone with an absolutely open mind and start making opinions about them after we have met them for at least a couple (I would say 25) of times. Oh yes, we do make opinions about people we meet - let's accept that - but the issue is that we make them the moment we get the replies to these two seemingly innocent questions.

Aggressive (North Indian), Conservative (South Indian), Business minded (West Indian) & Indian? (East Indian). Then we start thinking more details as we get to know the city and start linking the last name and the location answer. Opinions start getting formed in our mind. And then we hit the person and our small minds with the second question. The reply to that gives us enough ammunition to form a complete opinion of the person.

Oh! You're in marketing or sales or head some division (must have done well in school). You are a chef or a photographer (mustn't have done well in school). You are a painter, writer (do you earn enough? Do you need some money?). Our jobs seem to define what we stand for.

Have you ever thought why? Why do we do this? It goes back to my earlier post of Day 61 on 'Being Judgmental'. Its so easy to form an opinion about someone based on what we hear rather than based on what we experience with the person over a period of time. The fault lies in trying to speak to communicate with that person with a set opinion on our mind. We tend to take seriously the ones we perceive to be 'better' people based on our opinions. Or look down and be condescending to someone who does not live up to our opinion of a perfect person. How many times have you met someone at a party who you thought was not a successful person based on the replies and sought someone else? I have and therein lies the fault in us.

A photographer or a chef or an artist might have chosen that profession because they love what they do and do it with passion as compared to us who do our work because it is work. I wonder who is more happier? A South Indian may have some amazing innovative liberal ideas that we may pass over or never get to hear because we believe that the person must be a conservative one with 'old' ideas.

I think its time we stopped asking these two questions. Let's try to be non-judgmental and save our opinions about people for later. Our relationships will get better and our lives less complicated.

Day 70 - AAA of Friendship

I was watching an old episode of 'Boston Legal' the other day on TV and they had a very interesting case of two brothers. On brother had already been convicted of murdering his wife but the other brother was being tried for helping him hide the body and dispose off the evidence. Prosecution obviously argued that abetting a crime is a crime and hence the same punishment should be meted out to the other brother as well. Defence, on the other hand, argued that the brother was doing what any brother would do - help family.

Convoluted, isn't it? Of course the case was that the murderer-brother was being bullied by his wife and the other brother had been telling him for years to leave his wife and start fresh. When the brother finally decided and decided to tell his wife he chickened out at the last moment, then told her, she scoffed and laughed at his face and in anger he hit her and killed her. Then he did what he thought of first - call his brother.

The defence's argument got me thinking. We all know the saying 'Blood is thicker than water' and one would usually stand by family at all times. But would you stand by your friends? Maybe not in the earlier example kind but would you stand by in difficult situations? Let's simplify this......do you have at least one friend for whom you would do AAA? :) No...not alcoholics anonymous!

Do you have at least one friend for whom you would do ANYTHING ANYTIME ANYWHERE?

If that one friend asked you for a favour that involves you going out of your way, would you do it? Would you do it at any time?

I think its important that we have one friend like that - one that you would AAA for and hopefully one that does the same for you. Its like a fallback mechanism that one would have in life. The issue is would you have the ability to do it selflessly? Without expecting anything in return? Without assuming that the friend would feel the same way for you? That's the key! And that's the most difficult thing. As we grow older we are used to thinking for ourselves first and looking at everything in a manner that would benefit us. Why should I do this favour for him/her even if the person is a good friend. Would the person do the same for me? What benefit would I get for this? How would it help me?

My suggestion is to identify one friend who is closest to your heart and try the AAA with him/her. It will teach you to get in touch with your child again and believe me it will bring you great happiness.

I have one friend who is on my AAA list while I may not be on hers. But it brings me great happiness and I know she can count on me for Anything Anytime Anyplace!

Day 69 - Value ON Friendship.

Can you put a value on friendship? Can friendships be judged on monetary terms? Enough debates have raged on the value of friendship and how much some few good friendships can contribute to ones life. But how does one judge a friendship? Or is there something called judging a friendship?

I know, I know......there will be many among you who will say that the moment you start judging a friendship in any manner, its no longer a friendship but a transaction. That's all good to say in philosophical terms but in reality we are judging each other at all times of life. So can this apply to friendships as well?

I'm speaking in circles now, so let me explain. The other day I was helping a colleague pick up some gift for her friend. And this is a very good close bestest friend of my colleague. So we are in a shop and I'm showing her some ideas.She looks at one, likes it, sees the price and says "Its too expensive". So I say but this is for your best friend, price should not come in between a gift that she would like. (Of course we are not talking about diamonds or Ferraris here). She looks at me and says "You are right. She's cheap and doesn't spend on me. That doesn't mean I should be" and she bought the gift.

But it got me thinking. Do we think of monetary gifts and values when we gift our friends? Are we calculating what they gave us when we step out to buy something for them? Should 'cost' come in between gifting to a friend?

The ideal answer is OF COURSE NOT (note the caps coz some of you will be shouting this answer). But I think that somewhere deep in the corners of our mind, we do that calculation. Without the conscious mind knowing we tend to gravitate towards the section of a store that matches our perception of the value we put on that friendship. When we pick up two contrasting gifts that we like for a friend, we tend to buy the one that matches our perception. Sometimes that could be an indicator of how much we value that friendship. Putting a value on friendship might lead us to ascertaining the value of that friendship to us.

I do that. On a regular basis there are some friends that I hold very very dear but I do pick up gifts that subconsciously match the value I have put on that friendship. For some friends cost is no bar, if I like the gift I pick it up. For some I delay the purchase of a particular gift coz I am still evaluating how important that friendship is to me. You would never know that if you saw me with them. I'm guilty.

Are you? Do you put a Value on Friendship that can tell you the Value of that friendship?

Day 68 - Welcome 2010

A New Year usually signifies a new beginning for a lot of us. Have you ever wondered why? What is it in 1st Jan of a new year that we seem to heave a sigh of relief and start looking ahead to new beginnings? After all its just another day!

But at the root level psychologically we think of this date as a new start. It gives an opportunity to forget all the bad things that happened to us over the past 365 days and look ahead to the next 365 ones. It gives us a chance to correct some wrongs, get over some weaknesses, renew some relationships, forge some new ones and look forward with hope. That's the key word - HOPE! For at the end of the day we do live each day on the hope that it will be better than the previous one. Even if the last one was good for us, we hope that the next day will be better. Our lives are controlled by the Gregorian calendar and we look forward to each day, to the weekends of rest and rejuvenation, to the ends of the months and the paychecks. We have been programmed over the last many years to focus on each day as it leads into a week, a month and finally a year. And therin lies the importance of 1st Jan of any year.

As we complete a year we re-live all the good and bad things that happened and we HOPE that the next 365 days will be better. We make new promises to ourselves and to our loved ones. We start new things and new projects. We make new resolutions and dream new dreams! It is a day of hope and the beginning of new journey.

With that in mind, I too have decided to pen down some resolutions and goals for 2010. It'll be fun to re-visit them at the end of year and see what I was able to accomplish. So here goes:

• Continue to exercise and remain fit. Do not gain weight.
• Be more patient and keep an open mind.
• Be a good friend - supportive, non-intrusive, helpful when needed.
• Be a good father - helping, inculcating values by practice rather than preaching, giving proper direction, expanding their minds with experience rather than rote, not being too assertive, listening.
• Be a good husband - listening, loving, supportive, participating and patient.
• Be a good son and brother.
  
• Get better at my job or Get a better job.
• Read more books and catch up on new ideas.
• Try to do a good executive management program. Get more relevant education.
  
• Keep blogging.
• Get a tattoo.
• Learn to play Golf. Get coaching.
• Have more holidays.
• Don't take life too seriously. Have fun!

Quite a few of them are generic and open-ended. But I guess I've never been the one to set specific goals. I usually take each day as it comes and try to live that day to the best of my abilities.

So let's start on this journey of 2010 and see where it takes us! Carpe Diem!