No No....this is n't about the company LG or any consumer issues and complaints. This is the first part of the LGBT segment of people. For those who don't know that acronym (which world are you in, really?) its stands for 'Lesbian Gay Bisexual & Transgender' segment of people.And I don't have any personal issues with the LG segment in that. Like any other straight guy I fantasise about lesbians and wonder about gay men. But at the same time I also live life with a credo - To each his own. If that is what makes one happy then so be it. Happiness is what matters most. What would I do if a gay man hit on me? I don't know - I'll probably be flattered but also let him know that my orientation is different.
So what is my issue? While I am OK with gay marriage and gay couples, I am not able to reconcile myself with gay parenthood. I am still of the traditional belief that a child needs both a father and a mother for a balanced mental growth. The influences of a man and a woman in the child's life probably help the child to get a balanced view of both the sexes that would help him/her in the long term.
But under this logic what about children of single parents or divorced parents or widowed parents or even children of parents that fight or abuse each other, you may ask? And you are right. I believe that the effects on these situations do shape the mental makeup of the child as he/she grows up. I am sure there is research out there somewhere which talks about how it affects the child in adulthood. Could be commitment phobia or becoming abusive or assuming that this is how life is etc. These don't bother me as much since I probably take these are part of 'natural' world - the italics and quotes being mine.
I think that in parenthood it is natural to have one male and one female member as part of your family. In all the above scenarios there is one member but not the other and that is a gap that is felt. The child probably grows up assuming that gap is a natural and tries to fill up that gap in adulthood in his/her own way. I think the world has become sensitive enough to take these situations as normal and educate the child in its own way. Gay parenthood, on the other hand, is something that is new and will require a whole lot of culture change in society and people. I think its unfair to put that burden on a small child of having to explain to their peers on why both their parents are male or female. I think that is expecting a lot from the child and its not fair to force that on a child for your own happiness.
What would the child go through? How would the child reconcile with the fact that everywhere there is one of each of both sexes but in my family both are of one kind. In the traditional world of father (male) and mother (female), who do I call father and mother when both are males or females? I find that situation difficult to explain and reconcile in my mental make-up. Is it right for gay couples to make a child go through all that pain for your own happiness?
At this moment I am on the side of 'No' for gay parenthood. I still need conviction to believe that its a correct thing. I still think society needs to mature way too much to give children of gay parents a fair chance at growing up. In a world that still does not accept gay relationships that easily, is it right to make the small children go through the trails and tribulations that will definitely accompany gay parents?
I am not sure. What about you?
Posts
Forgetting any possible human bias what so ever and sticking purely to my animal instinct,I see parenthood as natural process of taking care of the offspring after birth.
ReplyDeleteThis raises a point as to who these kids are ? born to Gay/Lesbian Couples or adopted ?
If they are born to the couples as opposed to what my untrained limited conventional wisdom says otherwise they are free to take care of their own kids after all its natural.
But if they are adopted, what gives them the right to snatch the warmth kid might (If only he could express his feelings) want to feel? for god sake or for non-god sake. I fail to differentiate this kind of parenting from raising pet animals.
Another point to be pondered is ... You chose to be what ever you want, Do you have Right to choose the right parent for kid ? I guess not.
Vasundhar: what makes you think that gay parents are unable to provide warmth to the child? Do not forget these children were put up for adoption because their biological parents did not want them. Their straight biological parents. Do gay couples inevitably make bad parents and unable to provide love and care? I beg to differ. On the contrary, because they fought the odds to adopt the baby, the amount of love given to the kid will be enormous.
ReplyDeletePersonally, i believe as long as the upbringing of the child is right, and the parents teaches the child not to be judgemental and to accept people for who they are, the gender of the parents is not important.
Kaushal, you mention that it is traumatising for the child to have to be subjected to jeers and questions. Let me then ask you, what about children who are brought up in single parent households? How would they answer when other children ask them why they do not have a mother/father? Its the same trials that these children have to go through. And children are more malleable and non-judgemental than you think they are.
On the contrary, i think it is a good time for the parents to teach their children that everyone is equal and has the right to be who they are. I also believe that, for a gay couple to adopt a child, it is not a mere whim or spur of the moment thought. They have been through the trials of being the outcast, they know the pain, but they have learnt to accept themselves, and became stronger in the end. They can pass on the experiences and help the child grow to be a mentally strong human being, and i actually see nothing wrong with that.
I may be too radical in my thinking, but i believe that there is nothing 'natural' about a family being made up of a man and a woman. We believe it is natural because that is what we have been taught and inculcated. It is merely the social norm. If you want natural, we should be out in our bathing suits, because clothes are not natural. What we construe as reality is really what the society believes is what it should be.