LG & My issues!

No No....this is n't about the company LG or any consumer issues and complaints. This is the first part of the LGBT segment of people. For those who don't know that acronym (which world are you in, really?) its stands for 'Lesbian Gay Bisexual & Transgender' segment of people.

And I don't have any personal issues with the LG segment in that. Like any other straight guy I fantasise about lesbians and wonder about gay men. But at the same time I also live life with a credo - To each his own. If that is what makes one happy then so be it. Happiness is what matters most. What would I do if a gay man hit on me? I don't know - I'll probably be flattered but also let him know that my orientation is different.

So what is my issue? While I am OK with gay marriage and gay couples, I am not able to reconcile myself with gay parenthood. I am still of the traditional belief that a child needs both a father and a mother for a balanced mental growth. The influences of a man and a woman in the child's life probably help the child to get a balanced view of both the sexes that would help him/her in the long term.

But under this logic what about children of single parents or divorced parents or widowed parents or even children of parents that fight or abuse each other, you may ask? And you are right. I believe that the effects on these situations do shape the mental makeup of the child as he/she grows up. I am sure there is research out there somewhere which talks about how it affects the child in adulthood. Could be commitment phobia or becoming abusive or assuming that this is how life is etc. These don't bother me as much since I probably take these are part of 'natural' world - the italics and quotes being mine.

I think that in parenthood it is natural to have one male and one female member as part of your family. In all the above scenarios there is one member but not the other and that is a gap that is felt. The child probably grows up assuming that gap is a natural and tries to fill up that gap in adulthood in his/her own way. I think the world has become sensitive enough to take these situations as normal and educate the child in its own way. Gay parenthood, on the other hand, is something that is new and will require a whole lot of culture change in society and people. I think its unfair to put that burden on a small child of having to explain to their peers on why both their parents are male or female. I think that is expecting a lot from the child and its not fair to force that on a child for your own happiness.

What would the child go through? How would the child reconcile with the fact that everywhere there is one of each of both sexes but in my family both are of one kind. In the traditional world of father (male) and mother (female), who do I call father and mother when both are males or females? I find that situation difficult to explain and reconcile in my mental make-up. Is it right for gay couples to make a child go through all that pain for your own happiness?

At this moment I am on the side of 'No' for gay parenthood. I still need conviction to believe that its a correct thing. I still think society needs to mature way too much to give children of gay parents a fair chance at growing up. In a world that still does not accept gay relationships that easily, is it right to make the small children go through the trails and tribulations that will definitely accompany gay parents?

I am not sure. What about you?

Day 51 - Patience

Think back and tell me when was the last time that you exercised extreme patience with a person or an event? What were the incidents that pushed you to the brink and made you swallow your anger and exercise restraint and patience? Remember I am talking about extremes - this is a point where you feel like throttling the other party but at the same time you can't and have to continue the discussion or the activity with a smile and with restraint. You know that you need to make the other party understand but they are really pushing you to the limit.

I am sure you are thinking about a few such incidents - maybe the road 'accident' you recently had when the bus brushed your car or maybe when your friend broke or lost something precious to you or when your girlfriend or wife just would not understand. But if you are a parent you will immediately think differently. All the above incidents are minor as compared to the patience you need to exercise with children - especially when they are between 2 to 5. These are the 'patience testing' years and if you come through these with few scars, then you should be set for life.

But the test of true patience comes in when you 3 year old falls sick. You experience a roller coaster of emotions that you wish you never have to face again. The unfortunate part is that you go through the same emotions when your child falls sick the next time.

At 3 years the child is unable to communicate properly on what is hurting them. First it breaks your heart to see your child having fever or coughing violently or sneezing. Then the child has to take medicines which they refuse to take. So you have to cajole, explain, threaten and play games to get them to have the medicines. Because of the medicines they don't eat and feel listless. This causes low energy levels and they becomes cranky and clingy. They always want to be with you and not let you go. If the child is on antibiotics then there is the issue of not wanting to eat food. That gets them more cranky and you have to somehow get them to have food and fluids. So you have to see them crying while refusing everything but still get them to have food, fluid and medicines to get them bounce back - all this while you are tired and frustrated at the whole situation because you can't do anything to make their pain go away.

Get the picture?

This, my friends, is the ultimate test of patience. How do you retain your sanity, not get angry and frustrated at the small child but still get them to do those things that will make them better is the true test of your patience. If you are a parent, when you go through this experience and emerge with physical and emotional scars you understand what patience means.

These are just some of the 'joys of parenthood' ;-)