Kamal - Strength of Character

A few years back I spoke about the strength of Mind over Body and wondered if I would have the mental strength if I were to face a dire situation. Another such example hit me in the face recently.

What would you do if you had a good life going and then lost your young son to disease and new born to doctor's error? If your happy life collapsed around you? Would you accept help from friends to pick yourself up or would you try to live your life with dignity and then pick yourself up? Would you wallow in sorrow and waste your life or would you have the strength to carry on and lead life in whatever form?

This is a story of one such man who chose one particular path.

Kamal fell in love and married a girl against the wishes of his and her parents. His parents felt that they had been insulted many times by the girl's father because they were right but he accepted his son's choice. Kamal worked as a customer exec in a shipping firm, stayed with his family, had a son and was leading a normal content life. He was a doting involved father taking care of his son and getting immense love in return. His son's smile and hugs wiped away all his sadness.

At 2-1/2 his son was diagnosed with stage three brain tumor and his world collapsed. His family collapsed in tears, acrimony and blame game from both sides. In one such discussion he told his family to cry once and then give him support as he could not deal with the grief and acrimony on a daily basis. That discussion led him to leave his house with his ill son while his family did not stop him. He was now running pillar to post with his son, dealing with his family and his grief. He quit his job to make the last few days of his son's life happy and to build his memories. In all this his wife was expecting their second child.

The child was healthy, in fact overweight, and all seemed OK. Kamal wanted the delivery to happen in his city but she wanted to go home to her mother. Kamal reluctuntly agreed. Her mother, inspite of having the best facilities, admitted her daughter in a government hospital for delivery. The interns there decided to wait for a normal delivery inspite of the baby being large and the first one being a C-section. The baby died in the womb and the uterus burst. Kamal had lost his second child and his wife lost the ability to have any more children to negligence and ego. When Kamal got to know he rushed there, checked her out of the hospital and admitted her in a private hospital where she stayed for almost a month.

Kamal was not a lonely soul with no family, no money, no happiness and no future. What would you do at this stage? That is where the strength of character shows!

Kamal went to his friend, almost his brother-from-another-mother, who had a taxi business and asked to be hired. His friend and his family told him that they would loan him money to buy a taxi of his own and Kamal could pay them whatever and whenever he wanted. Kamal had reached a fork in his life and had a choice. On one route was Sympathy, the easy route out. If he took that route he would live his life in emotional debt and succumb to people's help, never able to stand on his own. The other route of Dignity as the difficult one. He would have to dig deep in his character, refuse help and learn to stand on his own again. Kamal asked to be hired as a driver like any other driver. And that's what he became - a tentative driver - driving happy people around but living in his own shell. He gained experience as a driver and after some time left his friend's agency and that city to start life as an experienced driver.

Kamal is ever smiling, ever helpful and one of the best people that I have met. He is one of those guys who make you feel comfortable and secure. You would feel that his life must be so happy outside work because he excudes such happiness in his twinkling eyes and smiling face. If you meet Kamal you will never know this side of his life. Kamal's dream is to save enough money and buy a cab of his own so that he can become independent. Who is he and how do I know this story?

Kamal is my favourite Avis cab driver. I always ask for him even before I got to know this story. After knowing his story, my respect for him has gone up many many level. If I have even an iota of the strength of character that he has, I would be a secure man!

A salute to you, my friend! And a prayer that you find happiness!

2012 Goals

Its time to welcome 2012 with open arms, hug it, kiss it and set goals for the year. What do we wish to accomplish this year? What changes need to made in the physical and mental world to tide over whatever the year has to offer?

It always helps to set goals for the year so that you have a path to map. I've done it over the last two years - Resolutions 2010 & 2011 - which have helped me to evaluate myself in a much more objective manner.

And so here are my Resolutions for 2012. This time I have decided to keep them simple and measurable.

1. WRITE MORE: At least 15 book blogs and 50 personal blogs for the year. Get one story published in some form - print or web.
2. DO LESS: Specific to a friend who will understand.
3. LEARN GOLF: Start this at least this year.
4. ONE ADVENTURE EXPERIENCE: Everest Base Camp Trek or something else.
   
5. REDUCE BELLY: Shave off at least 2" from waist.
   
6. HOLIDAY: Two learning & relaxing holidays with family. One with friends.
   
7. DO MORE: More of charity work. More of charity contributions. Give back some more.
8. LEARN: Something new - language, course related to work etc.
   

So there, plain and simple are the 8 resolutions for 2012.

What are yours?

2011 - A Retrospect

And so one more year rolls by in the journey of life. Another year of happiness, sadness, angst, euphoria, smiles, tears and experiences. 2011 was an uneventful year in terms of extreme highs or depressing lows and I am thankful to God for that. An uneventful year is a year well spent because if gives you peace and contentment. It does not stress you and gives you time to spend with yourself. That does not mean, of course, that interesting things did not happen in the year - on the contrary, there were a lot of things that happened this year.

The start of the year was with a bit of stress - stress of the job I was doing and wondering where I am headed in the organisation. While I loved working in Citrix, I was not enjoying my work and so getting a bit stressed about it. Thankfully another door opened and I moved into a different role which has given me immense learning and a good stress. I enjoy my work, love my organisation and can see growth prospects in the role.

The middle of the year saw the GMC's long cherished dream of a holiday coming true. We finally went to Singapore as a group in May. We planned, we holiday-ed, we had fun, we got to know each other a lot better and we survived. For me the holiday was an eye-opener in terms of getting to know the others. My feelings for one got stronger, my feelings for another got weaker and my feelings for the third the same. But, yes, we did have a lot of fun together and may do another holiday soon. Ruchi moved out to Mumbai and the group dynamics of GMC changed completely. With a disjointed extension the group no longer meets as often though we speak to each other seperately. We realised that we need to put in more effort now to keep the group together.

The later part of the year saw my parents shifting base from Delhi to Mumbai and that was an interesting experience. It was nostalgic in terms of packing and un-packing stuff, things that we used to do so very often when we were kids. After a stay of over 15 years, my parents let go of a lot of inconsequential things in Delhi and moved their life to Mumbai and Hyderabad - a monumental move at their age and stage of life. A lot of respect for them.

On a personal front, I jumped twice this year - once from the top of a tower in Macau (Bungee) and once from a plane in San Francisco (Skydiving). That has got my adventure buds tingling and I want to do one adventure every year. I've started planning for a Trek to Everest Base Camp for 2012 - lets see if it happens. The year ended on a not-to-good a note as I hurt a close friend - something that I never intended to do. That made me resolve to try not to do that in 2012, back off and not put too much pressure on the friend for this relationship.

And so its time to re-look at the 2011 resolutions made at the beginning of the year and see how we fared. So here goes:

1. STAY HEALTHY: Make sure that I use the gym at least 50% of the time i.e 183 days at least. Why 50%? Because I travel a lot and because weekends are off-limits. {Used much less but thankfully did not gain too much weight}.
2. STAY HAPPY: Try to reduce stress as much as possible. Remember nothing in life is worth stressing about. {Overall was a happy year}
   
3. BE A GOOD FRIEND: Unobtrusive, always at hand, helpful, lending a shoulder. Try not to loose a friendship. Be open in thoughts. Do not judge anyone. {Undecided. Was obtrusive but good on other counts. Must ask Sowmya to rate this one}
   
4. BE A GOOD HUSBAND & FATHER: Take care of the family. Do not be a cause of stress to wife and kids. Be helpful to kids and stand by them. Try to inculcate good values in them through practice and not preaching. {Fairly OK}
   
5. TRY NEW THINGS: Push the limits of experience. Try new things - be they food or experiences. Bungee Jumping and Sky Diving are two things I want to do this year. {Definite Yes, both done}
   
6. LEARN GOLF: This is a unfulfilled resolutions carried over from last year. Its a great game and teaches one a lot of patience and focus. Try to learn golf. {Carried over & Carry Over}
   
7. HAVE MORE HOLIDAYS: Learn to relax and chill. Try to have at least 1 holiday every quarter with family and friends. {Between Singapore, Kolkata and others - this was OK}
   
8. BUILD A BRAND: Build a brand for myself. Try to see if I can use my experience and knowledge to build a name for myself. Try to speak on marketing at colleges and events - at least 6 speaking opps this year. Try to blog on marketing on a popular site - at least 12 blogs in the year. {This was a no-go from the time I changed my job}
   
9. BLOG MORE: Continue blogging on this and my other blog. While the Book Review blog is active based on the books that I read, this blog has suffered. I want to try and cross 150 blogs on this blog - thats 70 blogs in 365 days. {Book Review was OK but Pensieve suffered big time. Must do better though I crossed 100 blogs finally}
   
10. EDUCATE MYSELF: Identify the gaps in my skill sets and undergo training to fill those gaps. These could be executive education or sessions in that particular skill set. Constantly try to learn new skills and things. Keep the brain active. More importantly use those skills in daily life - professional or personal. {Carried Over & Carry Over}
    
11. PUBLISH SOMETHING: Try to get my writing published. Could be a book, an article, a story, a letter but try and see if my writing can be spread wider. {Got my blogs published but then it was a self-publishing exercise}

Thank you for 2011 and time to look forward to 2012! Adios 2011!