Second Tattoo

I got my first tattoo done about two years ago and talked about my experience here. It got me thinking on inking again. The same rules of What, Where, Who and When applied here too.

The 'WHO' was the easy part as I was sure I would want to get it done again at Dark Arts Studio in Bangalore where I got my first tattoo done and preferably from Satish Palan who did my first tattoo as well.

The 'WHERE' part was also almost pre-decided. If you read my first tattoo blog you will realise that I was thinking of getting the tattoo done either on my upper or lower part of the hand. Since the first one had been on the upper part of the hand, I decided that the second one would be on the forearm.

The 'WHAT' part got me thinking since I wanted the second one to mean something very personal. The first tattoo had been of Lord Ganesha as I had always wanted to start that way. The second tattoo's idea had already started germinating in my mind for some time. I wanted my family's names as a tattoo and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed awesome since the names were interlinked. My wife's name is Anindita or Ani for short, my daughter's name is Ipsita and my son's name is Tarush. If you look closely, as I did when I started thinking of a design, you can link them with Ani leading into Ipsita leading into Tarush or in other words AnIpsiTArush. So that was fixed. I wanted this to be an inner circle with the outer circle saying Beautiful Soul as these three were the beautiful soul of my life. Two concentric circles - AnIpsiTArush as inner and Beautiful Soul as outer.

The most difficult part was the 'WHEN' part as I just could not find the time in my busy schedule. In between travelling and family time, I was not able to take the required time out to visit Dark Arts. In the meantime, I had been speaking to my best friend, Sowmya Ramachandran, and getting her psyched to get a tattoo done as well. We had been discussing for quite some time about the possibility. 30th Nov was her birthday and we got discussing about the possibility of her getting her tattoo done on that day. I had a tentative appointment for her at Dark Arts and when she finally decided to get it done, I decided to accompany her and get my second one done as well. So the first tattoo was on Ganesh Chaturthi and the second one on my best friend's birthday.

When we landed up at Dark Arts, we got to Sowmya's design first. She wanted to get a Sun done and as she was being shown some designs, I got a chance to explain my 'concentric circle' design to Preeti. Sowmya quickly decided on a flaming Sun with a V (for Vedanth, her son) morphing into a R (for Raj, her husband) in the centre of the Sun. As I got discussing with them on my idea, we quickly realised that having so many alphabets in a circle may make it illegible. As Preeti showed me some fonts, we finalised on a beautiful cursive font which would give it some flair. The stencil looked good and we were set.

Sowmya's tattoo took a good hour to get done and it did pain a bit for her as she was getting it done right at the pulse area on her wrist. The end result is really good. Satish got started on mine after her's was done. And it took all of 2-1/2 hours to get it done. As I had mentioned earlier, this time too it wasn't very bad. There were moments when it did pain a bit but mostly it was like a small needle pricking you softly. After some time you sort of get used to it and it doesn't even register. At the end of 2-1/2 hours by 10.00pm, my tattoo was done and I had my second ink.

The tattoo is big, taking up almost 3/4 of the arm. I jokingly mention to people that now I can't even have an affair as the girl will ask whose names are those on your hand and when I tell her that its my wife and kids, I'm sure she'll disappear. :) But what better way to show commitment and love for my family than to have them tatto-ed on my body with the fact that they are the Beautiful Soul of my life!

What do I tell my daughter? And my sister?

A young, starry-eyed, ambitious girl was brutally gangraped by 6 people in a moving bus in Delhi and dumped on the ground. Over the last 10 days, Delhi has erupted with protests with students taking to the streets demanding justice; politicians have exposed their stupidity with constantly putting their foot in their mouth questioning the freedom that girls have, questioning the make-up that they put, mentioning that girls invite this on themselves and stating that girls are 'dented-and-painted'; a policeman lost his life battling the protests; government has clamped down on the protests turning Delhi into a fortress and the social media has gone beserk with demands of public hanging, public castrations and capital punishment for the rapists. Questions are being raised on how Indian men, administrators and politicians treat women, what our laws are and how we need to change the basic fabric of our values where we treat women as things to be owned. How we need to change the thinking at the basic level of a girl child and how we need to treat boys and girls as equal. Extremely brilliant articles on the right approach have been written by my close friend Sandeep Menon and some articles have been re-posted on other friend's facebook pages like this one.

This is not one of those write-ups. I do not know how to write eloquently and while I have an opinion on the subject like everyone else, this write-up is not about that. This write-up is about fear and insecurity and helplessness!

I got 'introduced' to the concept of rape when I was 8 years old when the movie 'Insaaf ka Tarazu' was released and movie magazines carried reams of articles about it. My mom was an avid reader and I picked up one of the magazines to find out what rape meant. While at that age I thought it meant a man and woman wrestling, with time I understood the horror of it and struggled to comprehend why a man would do something like that. What instinct drives a man to force himself on a woman and rape her? India has the dubious distinction of being the third worst offender in rape cases and a rape occures in India every 54 minutes! 25 women are raped every day in India and we have done nothing to protect them. We have made speeches and spoken about it when incidents occur but we have done nothing to protect our women or give them a feeling of safety. We have not changed our laws, we have not ensured that rape cases are dealt with in a speedy manner and we have not punished rapists in a manner consumerate with the crime. Neither have we sensitised our largely-male police force nor have we equipped them with more women who may understand this crime. In fact a sting operation by Tehelka revealed Police Officers saying that no rape can happen without the girl's consent! Some rapists have gone on to become politicians and some politicians have raped women with impunity and used the system to cover their tracks. Police work hand-in-glove with the rapists and today we had a case where a young woman comitted suicide because she was being constantly called to the police station and questioned about her rape.


As a father of a 10 year old girl and a brother of a single woman in Mumbai, I was scared when I read the first news of the gangrape and have been getting progressively more afraid as I've heard our politicians talk about the 'remedies' to this 'problem'.

Women should not go out late at night, women should not put make-up and lipstick, women should not dress provacatively, women should not wear jeans, women should not smoke and drink, women should not go to discotheques, women should not take private buses late at night, women should not do this and should not do that. What kind of a country and world are we creating when we cannot offer a simple basic right of safety to a human being? Does a woman have to be constantly on her guard from the moment she steps out from her house? And sometimes even in her own house? Does society need to dictate on how she talks and walks and moves and dresses and works? Who has given us the right to do this? The biggest hypocrisy stems from the fact that in Hinduism we pray to Godesses for wealth (Lakshmi), knowledge (Saraswati) and strength (Durga) and then go out and commit the most horrid crimes on women.

My sister stays alone in Mumbai, is independent and highly successful and goes out to parties, has some drinks and has a good time with friends. Should I tell her not do that? Should I tell her that she could be a potential target? As my daughter grows up, she may decide to wear short clothes for outings, wear jeans and tops, wear some make-up, go out to disco with friends and party with them. I may not like some of these things but these are her educated decisions to make - not mine and definitely not society's. Do I tell my daughter to avoid all these 'im-moral' things and stay at home? When she steps out of the house, do I now equip her with protection in form of a small knife, some pepper spray and some alarms? But why should I? Doesn't she have the right to walk the road free of fear?

When a close friend like Arundhati Ghosh puts up a status update that says - "I travel a lot and many days of the month I land up late at airports of cities I have come to love, cities with friends and memories, cities with sounds and smells that make me want to call it home. Today as I leave for yet another city I am worrying about what transport I should take from the airport to reach my hotel, is it judicious to land as late as 8 pm, should I keep a small pen knife in my bag but then I will have to check it in, when i get into the cab should I pretend to call people so that the driver thinks I have people who will worry about me if I dont land up in time, will I be able to do my general chit chat with the driver or should i just keep to myself and not talk too much.....yes ...I dont want to turn into a person I would loathe to be." - it makes me worry! This is a woman I respect tremendously and this statement from her makes me hang my head in shame.

I have been brought up by my parents to respect women and I think I've done that. I am bringing up my son with the same values that women are precious, strong beings that you should respect. I am bringing up my daughter with the thought that she is an equal and can do whatever she wants to and whatever a boy/man can do. There is no distinction! But are the other parents out there teaching their boys the same thing? Will my daughter find the respect and the safety that she needs, nay is entitled to, in the outside world?

I don't have answers for my daughter. And my sister? What do I tell them? What kind of a world and country is my daughter growing up into?

Forgiveness!

I just got off watching an episode called 'Damage Control' on Grey's Anatomy which for me thinking on this whole concept of Forgiveness. In the episode a young man closes his eyes for a second while driving and rams into an oncoming car injuring the family. While the father, mother and husband survive, the pregnant daughter dies in surgery but the child survives. The young man wants to apologise to the family for causing the grief.

The most poignant moment of the episode is when the father walks into the room where the young man, himself injured is lying just when he has heard the news of his daughter's death. The young man says "I'm sorry" and the father walks angrily to the bedside with his hand moving towards the young man's throat only to place it on his shoulder who breaks down crying profusely.

To forgive, they say, is divine. Forgive and forget, they say. Forgiveing, they say, gives you peace. But does it really? If someone has done you immense harm and affected your life in an adverse way, can you really forgive and live? I know the other side of the fence - harboring that hatred in your heart eats away at the very essesnce of existence and erodes your being. But how difficult is it to forgive someone who has harmed you immensely. Moving beyond the philosphical musings of the gurus and the quotable quotes, How easy is it to forgive?

I think the ease of forgiveness depends on the magnitude of the hurt and/or the closeness of the relationship. In every relationship you expect a certain degree of trust and response. You expect the person to behave in a particular manner mostly conducive to your well being. A best friend is supposed to help you and stand by you, a parent is supposed to love you unconditionally and help you succeed, your office friend is not supposed to bitch about you behind your back, a spouse is supposed to stand with you and support you.

When these 'regular' responses do not happen you feel hurt and that hurt translates into anger which converts into a wish to do the same harm. How easily you can nip that hurt in the bud and forgive that person determines the future of that relationship. But the forgiveness also depends on the level of your perceived hurt and that makes the decision very personal. It is futile to 'advice' someone on what they should forgive and how easily. It is also an insult to compare your act of forgiveness in a similar situation and tell the person to do the same. The best you can do is empathise with the person and guide them to a proper path. To forgive or not is that person's prerogative. But I digress......

The perception of hurt plays a very important part in the forgiveness quotient. You can easily forgive your friend for going to a movie without you, may take some time to forgive the same friend if he happens to bitch about you behind your back and may take many many years to forgive the same friend if he hurts a close family member in an adverse manner. Take the same situation and you may forgive that friend easily if he hurt some far family member that you may not have liked that much but may never forgive him if he hurt your parent or sibling. The perception of hurt and the closeness of the relationship determines the ease of forgiveness. How easy would it be to forgive your spouse if they had a relationship out of you?


While I do largely agree that forgiveness is the best thing to do, I also think that no one has the ability to tell me how easy it should be for me unless they have faced the same situation.

I am sure you've forgiven a lot of people in your lives for small issues, maybe even some people for things that hurt you to some extent but I hope you and I never have to face a situation like the father in the episode. I am not sure how I would react to that kind of a situation. To me, that is almost like the ultimate forgiveness that you could give and it requires tremendous will power and ability to accept what life throws at you. I hope I never face that kind of a situation in my life!

Friendship Trip!

The best cliche on friendship that I have heard says that if you are true friends with someone then you should be able to pick off a conversation where you last left it even if you meet the friend after many years. I have always wondered if friendship should be measured on that parameter at all! If you haven't been in touch with someone for a long time, is that person really your friend? Don't you make an extra effort to stay in touch with people who you care about - friends? 

But over the years I have experienced first hand the cliche as well. I usually go for a long time without talking to some people but when I do connect, it's like we never stopped talking. I find that very interesting and have come to realise that it probably amounts to comfort with that person more than anything else. You are comfortable in sharing your opinions, perspective and life events with a few people and it doesn't matter if it is done daily or after a long time. The only difference is that there is a lot of catching up to do in a short time. But even that is fun - you get to know new things about the friend.

I recently embarked upon one such 'catch-up' with part excitement and part trepidation. 

The three of us had been great friends and inseparable in college - known as the Three Musketeers in the final year. We roamed together, did our final project together and banked on each other to pull us through with our studies. Like every group we had the genius (Kaushal Mehta) , the late lateef (Shivraj Yadav)  and the average joe (yours truly). Post college we all stayed in touch for some time but then life took us in separate paths and we started talking to each other rarely at first and over birthdays and new years later. But the best part was that it didn't seem to matter. Whenever we would touch base it would be like old times. So we decided to meet and have a reunion in the year of our 40th birthday. We planned, we booked and we were on our way to meet up.

But questions niggled at the back of my mind - as I am sure it did in theirs - Would we be able to relate to each other? Would our thoughts and outlook to life have changed dramatically? Are we being nostalgic and will we have to make an effort to find the Three Musketeers of long gone age? Or would we 'live the cliche'? This trip would test our friendship - make it stronger or break it apart?

We had all met with each other separately and had connected nicely but would we connect again as a group? The aha moment for the trip started right at the beginning - our late lateef was late to come to the airport itself arriving almost at the last moment. In essence that set the tone for the reunion as we realised that passage of years, receding hairline and increasing midsection does not change the basic nature of people and different nature of friends balances the group out perfectly. 

As we reached our destination, our intrinsic natures emerged and we were back to college years. It was a revelation to know that while we remained the same, we had changed as well. The Genius was just as well organised but had started to open up and share his thoughts, The Late Lateef was just as disorganised and late but was at a cross road with a serious issue and wanted support while The Average Joe had become adventurous and was still giving unsolicited advice! The three day trip turned out to be a re-connection and just made the bond stronger. The risk was that it may not have gone that way and could have strained the friendship.

I would recommend everyone to 'make the trip' with your friends and test the strands. It can make the bonds stronger.

I have rediscovered my link and wavelength with Mehta and Shivraj. Guys, thanks for being my friends and we should make the trips more often!!!

Kamal - Strength of Character

A few years back I spoke about the strength of Mind over Body and wondered if I would have the mental strength if I were to face a dire situation. Another such example hit me in the face recently.

What would you do if you had a good life going and then lost your young son to disease and new born to doctor's error? If your happy life collapsed around you? Would you accept help from friends to pick yourself up or would you try to live your life with dignity and then pick yourself up? Would you wallow in sorrow and waste your life or would you have the strength to carry on and lead life in whatever form?

This is a story of one such man who chose one particular path.

Kamal fell in love and married a girl against the wishes of his and her parents. His parents felt that they had been insulted many times by the girl's father because they were right but he accepted his son's choice. Kamal worked as a customer exec in a shipping firm, stayed with his family, had a son and was leading a normal content life. He was a doting involved father taking care of his son and getting immense love in return. His son's smile and hugs wiped away all his sadness.

At 2-1/2 his son was diagnosed with stage three brain tumor and his world collapsed. His family collapsed in tears, acrimony and blame game from both sides. In one such discussion he told his family to cry once and then give him support as he could not deal with the grief and acrimony on a daily basis. That discussion led him to leave his house with his ill son while his family did not stop him. He was now running pillar to post with his son, dealing with his family and his grief. He quit his job to make the last few days of his son's life happy and to build his memories. In all this his wife was expecting their second child.

The child was healthy, in fact overweight, and all seemed OK. Kamal wanted the delivery to happen in his city but she wanted to go home to her mother. Kamal reluctuntly agreed. Her mother, inspite of having the best facilities, admitted her daughter in a government hospital for delivery. The interns there decided to wait for a normal delivery inspite of the baby being large and the first one being a C-section. The baby died in the womb and the uterus burst. Kamal had lost his second child and his wife lost the ability to have any more children to negligence and ego. When Kamal got to know he rushed there, checked her out of the hospital and admitted her in a private hospital where she stayed for almost a month.

Kamal was not a lonely soul with no family, no money, no happiness and no future. What would you do at this stage? That is where the strength of character shows!

Kamal went to his friend, almost his brother-from-another-mother, who had a taxi business and asked to be hired. His friend and his family told him that they would loan him money to buy a taxi of his own and Kamal could pay them whatever and whenever he wanted. Kamal had reached a fork in his life and had a choice. On one route was Sympathy, the easy route out. If he took that route he would live his life in emotional debt and succumb to people's help, never able to stand on his own. The other route of Dignity as the difficult one. He would have to dig deep in his character, refuse help and learn to stand on his own again. Kamal asked to be hired as a driver like any other driver. And that's what he became - a tentative driver - driving happy people around but living in his own shell. He gained experience as a driver and after some time left his friend's agency and that city to start life as an experienced driver.

Kamal is ever smiling, ever helpful and one of the best people that I have met. He is one of those guys who make you feel comfortable and secure. You would feel that his life must be so happy outside work because he excudes such happiness in his twinkling eyes and smiling face. If you meet Kamal you will never know this side of his life. Kamal's dream is to save enough money and buy a cab of his own so that he can become independent. Who is he and how do I know this story?

Kamal is my favourite Avis cab driver. I always ask for him even before I got to know this story. After knowing his story, my respect for him has gone up many many level. If I have even an iota of the strength of character that he has, I would be a secure man!

A salute to you, my friend! And a prayer that you find happiness!

2012 Goals

Its time to welcome 2012 with open arms, hug it, kiss it and set goals for the year. What do we wish to accomplish this year? What changes need to made in the physical and mental world to tide over whatever the year has to offer?

It always helps to set goals for the year so that you have a path to map. I've done it over the last two years - Resolutions 2010 & 2011 - which have helped me to evaluate myself in a much more objective manner.

And so here are my Resolutions for 2012. This time I have decided to keep them simple and measurable.

1. WRITE MORE: At least 15 book blogs and 50 personal blogs for the year. Get one story published in some form - print or web.
2. DO LESS: Specific to a friend who will understand.
3. LEARN GOLF: Start this at least this year.
4. ONE ADVENTURE EXPERIENCE: Everest Base Camp Trek or something else.
   
5. REDUCE BELLY: Shave off at least 2" from waist.
   
6. HOLIDAY: Two learning & relaxing holidays with family. One with friends.
   
7. DO MORE: More of charity work. More of charity contributions. Give back some more.
8. LEARN: Something new - language, course related to work etc.
   

So there, plain and simple are the 8 resolutions for 2012.

What are yours?

2011 - A Retrospect

And so one more year rolls by in the journey of life. Another year of happiness, sadness, angst, euphoria, smiles, tears and experiences. 2011 was an uneventful year in terms of extreme highs or depressing lows and I am thankful to God for that. An uneventful year is a year well spent because if gives you peace and contentment. It does not stress you and gives you time to spend with yourself. That does not mean, of course, that interesting things did not happen in the year - on the contrary, there were a lot of things that happened this year.

The start of the year was with a bit of stress - stress of the job I was doing and wondering where I am headed in the organisation. While I loved working in Citrix, I was not enjoying my work and so getting a bit stressed about it. Thankfully another door opened and I moved into a different role which has given me immense learning and a good stress. I enjoy my work, love my organisation and can see growth prospects in the role.

The middle of the year saw the GMC's long cherished dream of a holiday coming true. We finally went to Singapore as a group in May. We planned, we holiday-ed, we had fun, we got to know each other a lot better and we survived. For me the holiday was an eye-opener in terms of getting to know the others. My feelings for one got stronger, my feelings for another got weaker and my feelings for the third the same. But, yes, we did have a lot of fun together and may do another holiday soon. Ruchi moved out to Mumbai and the group dynamics of GMC changed completely. With a disjointed extension the group no longer meets as often though we speak to each other seperately. We realised that we need to put in more effort now to keep the group together.

The later part of the year saw my parents shifting base from Delhi to Mumbai and that was an interesting experience. It was nostalgic in terms of packing and un-packing stuff, things that we used to do so very often when we were kids. After a stay of over 15 years, my parents let go of a lot of inconsequential things in Delhi and moved their life to Mumbai and Hyderabad - a monumental move at their age and stage of life. A lot of respect for them.

On a personal front, I jumped twice this year - once from the top of a tower in Macau (Bungee) and once from a plane in San Francisco (Skydiving). That has got my adventure buds tingling and I want to do one adventure every year. I've started planning for a Trek to Everest Base Camp for 2012 - lets see if it happens. The year ended on a not-to-good a note as I hurt a close friend - something that I never intended to do. That made me resolve to try not to do that in 2012, back off and not put too much pressure on the friend for this relationship.

And so its time to re-look at the 2011 resolutions made at the beginning of the year and see how we fared. So here goes:

1. STAY HEALTHY: Make sure that I use the gym at least 50% of the time i.e 183 days at least. Why 50%? Because I travel a lot and because weekends are off-limits. {Used much less but thankfully did not gain too much weight}.
2. STAY HAPPY: Try to reduce stress as much as possible. Remember nothing in life is worth stressing about. {Overall was a happy year}
   
3. BE A GOOD FRIEND: Unobtrusive, always at hand, helpful, lending a shoulder. Try not to loose a friendship. Be open in thoughts. Do not judge anyone. {Undecided. Was obtrusive but good on other counts. Must ask Sowmya to rate this one}
   
4. BE A GOOD HUSBAND & FATHER: Take care of the family. Do not be a cause of stress to wife and kids. Be helpful to kids and stand by them. Try to inculcate good values in them through practice and not preaching. {Fairly OK}
   
5. TRY NEW THINGS: Push the limits of experience. Try new things - be they food or experiences. Bungee Jumping and Sky Diving are two things I want to do this year. {Definite Yes, both done}
   
6. LEARN GOLF: This is a unfulfilled resolutions carried over from last year. Its a great game and teaches one a lot of patience and focus. Try to learn golf. {Carried over & Carry Over}
   
7. HAVE MORE HOLIDAYS: Learn to relax and chill. Try to have at least 1 holiday every quarter with family and friends. {Between Singapore, Kolkata and others - this was OK}
   
8. BUILD A BRAND: Build a brand for myself. Try to see if I can use my experience and knowledge to build a name for myself. Try to speak on marketing at colleges and events - at least 6 speaking opps this year. Try to blog on marketing on a popular site - at least 12 blogs in the year. {This was a no-go from the time I changed my job}
   
9. BLOG MORE: Continue blogging on this and my other blog. While the Book Review blog is active based on the books that I read, this blog has suffered. I want to try and cross 150 blogs on this blog - thats 70 blogs in 365 days. {Book Review was OK but Pensieve suffered big time. Must do better though I crossed 100 blogs finally}
   
10. EDUCATE MYSELF: Identify the gaps in my skill sets and undergo training to fill those gaps. These could be executive education or sessions in that particular skill set. Constantly try to learn new skills and things. Keep the brain active. More importantly use those skills in daily life - professional or personal. {Carried Over & Carry Over}
    
11. PUBLISH SOMETHING: Try to get my writing published. Could be a book, an article, a story, a letter but try and see if my writing can be spread wider. {Got my blogs published but then it was a self-publishing exercise}

Thank you for 2011 and time to look forward to 2012! Adios 2011!