Friendship Trip!

The best cliche on friendship that I have heard says that if you are true friends with someone then you should be able to pick off a conversation where you last left it even if you meet the friend after many years. I have always wondered if friendship should be measured on that parameter at all! If you haven't been in touch with someone for a long time, is that person really your friend? Don't you make an extra effort to stay in touch with people who you care about - friends? 

But over the years I have experienced first hand the cliche as well. I usually go for a long time without talking to some people but when I do connect, it's like we never stopped talking. I find that very interesting and have come to realise that it probably amounts to comfort with that person more than anything else. You are comfortable in sharing your opinions, perspective and life events with a few people and it doesn't matter if it is done daily or after a long time. The only difference is that there is a lot of catching up to do in a short time. But even that is fun - you get to know new things about the friend.

I recently embarked upon one such 'catch-up' with part excitement and part trepidation. 

The three of us had been great friends and inseparable in college - known as the Three Musketeers in the final year. We roamed together, did our final project together and banked on each other to pull us through with our studies. Like every group we had the genius (Kaushal Mehta) , the late lateef (Shivraj Yadav)  and the average joe (yours truly). Post college we all stayed in touch for some time but then life took us in separate paths and we started talking to each other rarely at first and over birthdays and new years later. But the best part was that it didn't seem to matter. Whenever we would touch base it would be like old times. So we decided to meet and have a reunion in the year of our 40th birthday. We planned, we booked and we were on our way to meet up.

But questions niggled at the back of my mind - as I am sure it did in theirs - Would we be able to relate to each other? Would our thoughts and outlook to life have changed dramatically? Are we being nostalgic and will we have to make an effort to find the Three Musketeers of long gone age? Or would we 'live the cliche'? This trip would test our friendship - make it stronger or break it apart?

We had all met with each other separately and had connected nicely but would we connect again as a group? The aha moment for the trip started right at the beginning - our late lateef was late to come to the airport itself arriving almost at the last moment. In essence that set the tone for the reunion as we realised that passage of years, receding hairline and increasing midsection does not change the basic nature of people and different nature of friends balances the group out perfectly. 

As we reached our destination, our intrinsic natures emerged and we were back to college years. It was a revelation to know that while we remained the same, we had changed as well. The Genius was just as well organised but had started to open up and share his thoughts, The Late Lateef was just as disorganised and late but was at a cross road with a serious issue and wanted support while The Average Joe had become adventurous and was still giving unsolicited advice! The three day trip turned out to be a re-connection and just made the bond stronger. The risk was that it may not have gone that way and could have strained the friendship.

I would recommend everyone to 'make the trip' with your friends and test the strands. It can make the bonds stronger.

I have rediscovered my link and wavelength with Mehta and Shivraj. Guys, thanks for being my friends and we should make the trips more often!!!

Day 18 - Chaddi Dost / Langotiya Yaar

Its a Hindi slang that literally means a friend so close that you can share underpants (gross) or one with whom you have grown up or known since the time you were kids but really implies a friend who has been with you for a long time and with whom you can share anything.

I envy my wife sometimes. She has a friend with whom she goes back to school times. They've been together for over 25 years now and have lived together through the good times and the bad. They've supported each other and have been each others sounding boards. Both of them know about each others darkest secrets and know that they are there for each other.

My sister and I did not have the luxury of this kind of friendship. Our father was in the government service which meant that every 5 off years we would move from one city to another. By the time we would have formed a bond with one person in that city and neighborhood, we would have to move to a different city and make new friends. Our oldest friendship stretches back to our college days - at least mine does.

The longest term friendship that I have I share with three people from my engineering days - that's just over 19 years old. Two of them - Kaushal (yes, we share name) and Shivraj are in US, while the third - Arvind - is in Mumbai. The best part of our friendship is that we may not talk to each other for months or sometimes year on end but when we start talking its from our last conversation as if we never had a break. I guess that's the fun of lasting friendships. It doesn't matter that we haven't spoken or interacted for a long time. Its just that we know about the other and pick up the thread when we meet.

Its also strange that we move on in life but our lasting friendships are usually the ones that form just like that - almost by luck.

We don't find friends, friendships find us.

When we meet someone for the first time we don't decide that I want to have a long lasting friendship with him/her. Its not a pre-meditated relationship. I believe that real friendships happen over a period of time and before we know it we form the relationship.

Kaushal, Shivraj, Arvind and me are as different from each other as chalk from different forms of cheese. But we are friends!!

Do I miss the fact that I don't have a friendship like my wife's? Sometimes...but I also know that I have a similar friendship with few people in this world.

I can say that Arvind, Shivraj and Kaushal are my chaddi dosts!

Who are yours?