Day 18 - Chaddi Dost / Langotiya Yaar

Its a Hindi slang that literally means a friend so close that you can share underpants (gross) or one with whom you have grown up or known since the time you were kids but really implies a friend who has been with you for a long time and with whom you can share anything.

I envy my wife sometimes. She has a friend with whom she goes back to school times. They've been together for over 25 years now and have lived together through the good times and the bad. They've supported each other and have been each others sounding boards. Both of them know about each others darkest secrets and know that they are there for each other.

My sister and I did not have the luxury of this kind of friendship. Our father was in the government service which meant that every 5 off years we would move from one city to another. By the time we would have formed a bond with one person in that city and neighborhood, we would have to move to a different city and make new friends. Our oldest friendship stretches back to our college days - at least mine does.

The longest term friendship that I have I share with three people from my engineering days - that's just over 19 years old. Two of them - Kaushal (yes, we share name) and Shivraj are in US, while the third - Arvind - is in Mumbai. The best part of our friendship is that we may not talk to each other for months or sometimes year on end but when we start talking its from our last conversation as if we never had a break. I guess that's the fun of lasting friendships. It doesn't matter that we haven't spoken or interacted for a long time. Its just that we know about the other and pick up the thread when we meet.

Its also strange that we move on in life but our lasting friendships are usually the ones that form just like that - almost by luck.

We don't find friends, friendships find us.

When we meet someone for the first time we don't decide that I want to have a long lasting friendship with him/her. Its not a pre-meditated relationship. I believe that real friendships happen over a period of time and before we know it we form the relationship.

Kaushal, Shivraj, Arvind and me are as different from each other as chalk from different forms of cheese. But we are friends!!

Do I miss the fact that I don't have a friendship like my wife's? Sometimes...but I also know that I have a similar friendship with few people in this world.

I can say that Arvind, Shivraj and Kaushal are my chaddi dosts!

Who are yours?