Day 16 - Two kids or One Kid?

I have two kids - a daughter (7) and a son (2) - and I face this question quite often. How do you manage with two kids? My one kid is a handful. And I always tell these parents that two kids are any day better than one. I usually get an expression of disbelief followed by a statement to the tune of - Of course you have to say that now, you have two kids. Bet you wouldn't have said that few years ago when you had just one kid.

We - my wife and I - have always been clear that we want two kids, if not more. Both of us come from a two kid background and we know the fun and comfort of having someone to talk to and share life with. I have always believed that a family that has a single kid deprives the child of companionship at a later stage. The concept of sharing is much easier if you have had a sibling. And sharing is not just in the materialistic manner of toys, gifts and chocolates but more esoteric in terms of love, affection and emotions.

When you have a sibling you learn to share the affection of your parents and grand parents. You learn easily that you can love two people at the same time just as you love your parents and your sibling. You learn that its Ok to share your thoughts with others and you get a secret-keeper of your own. As you grow up you have someone to go to for questions and someone to whom you can tell your deepest secret without the fear of being judged. Of course all this is also a generalisation because some of you will be shaking you head and saying that my sibling was a secret-leaker rather than a secret-keeper but I am sure you had fun even then. In the long term you get someone that you can bank on.

Its also easier for parents to handle two kids. The second child is usually more easily handled than the first child. This observation and statement of mine invariably brings about a look from single parents that says "You're out of your mind!" But it is true. With the first child you don't know what has hit you. There are no books or manuals to tell you how to handle a child. Its all on the job learning and your parents too have forgotten about it. So, with the first child you go through stress, trauma, joy, frustration, pain, elation and all the feelings in between. You discover new things with your first born. When your only child falls ill, you freak out. A single child also gets pampered a lot and I think that affects the child in the long run. Some single children tend to think that they are the kings and queens because they have always been treated like that. The real lonesome world outside comes as a surprise to them.

When the second child comes along you are usually a little better prepared and know this stuff. It becomes relatively easy to take care of the second child and sometimes you have the help of the first child for that too. When your second child falls ill, you usually take out the medicine and give it to the child having experienced this before. You don't run hysterical to the doctor. The first child also learns responsibility and the concept of sharing things much more easily. She sees the fact that parents and family give equal love and understands that this is possible. She understands that its OK to share these feelings with a wider audience. And she understands that this is what love is.

The two children bond and you reap the benefits of that.

I always advocate that everyone must have two children - both for your sake and for the child's sake. Sibling Love usually surmounts any obstacle in life.