Day 25 - Boy into Man

When does a Boy become a Man?

Numerous articles have been written on this subject and so many people have expressed their views. Do a google on 'Boy becomes Man' and it throws up 7,390,000 results in 0.16 seconds. Wow!

So why add my two-bits to this perennial question? Because I think I have a different perspective on this. (doesn't everybody?). Many have spoken about times when a boy comes up against a challenge and surmounts it or when a boy has his first girlfriend or when a boy moves out of the house and starts to live life on his own. When he starts taking responsibility for his actions. And these are all valid thoughts.

I believe that a boy will always remain a boy till he thinks that he has someone who he can go to for advice and help. Until such time that there is a figure in the family who has the perceived authority to take decisions or give advice or at whose chair the buck stops.......a boy will remain a boy. When taking a decision in your life do you inform your father or think about what he would say? Then you are still a boy. Do you 'blame' your father for some of the decision that got taken in your life? Even though at that time that is what you wanted? Then you are still a boy and believe me that is a good thing. Bearing the onus of all decisions is not such a great place to be in. As children we always tend to blame the bad decisions on our parents, especially our fathers, and take credit for all the good decisions. Sometimes not taking a decision on your behalf is also a decision that the father has to take. But he gets blamed for it.

There is a transition that happens when the tables start to tilt and you start to experience what it means to be in your father's shoes. What does it to mean to take decisions and give advice. What does it mean to bear the responsibility of your family coming to you for your views and thoughts on any aspect. That's when you start the process of becoming a man.

This is especially true, or more so, in the case of a first born son or the only son. Remember I am talking about a boy becoming a man - not a girl becoming a woman (which would a different blog altogether). In the case of a younger brother who has an elder brother to look up to, things will always be different. The younger son will always be a boy and be free of the responsibility of family decisions.

So when the transition begin? I believe it begins the day a son sees his father in an Intensive Care Unit of a hospital. The day he sees his father as a human and frail being, his transition to becoming a man begins on that day. He realises that this phase of his dad being a super human has passed and it is time for him to bear that mantle of responsibility. Psychologically he starts to prepare himself for that role. It also starts affecting the father sub-consciously wherein he starts to defer some decisions to his son to get him started on that path. That is the inflection point. Hopefully that day does not come soon in most son's lives but comes at a stage when the boy is ready to become a man.

Remember Godfather and the scene where Don Vito Corleone decides to pass on the mantle to his son Michael? It happens after the shoot out and him being in the hospital!

So my advice to all son's is to enjoy being a boy and pass on all decisions to your father till it is time to bear that responsibility because after that it will not be an easy life!