Day 29 - Father Son, A changing dynamic

My Daddy Strongest - that's the tagline of one of the ads in India and it in a way symbolises what all of us believe when we are young. At different stages of our lives our Dads play different roles and hold different positions for us.

When we are young, its 'My Daddy Strongest'
When we are teenagers, its 'My Daddy does not understand'
When we start working, its 'My Daddy gives advice'
When we become slightly successful, its 'My Daddy is old in his thoughts'
When we have our kids, its 'My Daddy cutest, as a grandfather'
When we bring up our kids, its 'My Daddy must be emulated'
When our dad becomes old, its 'My Daddy bestest'!

Along this whole journey for most of the part, we go to our Dad for advice, help and support. When we come up against something at work or need help on financial matters we seek out our Dads. Usually Dad is a pillar of strength who brings home the money, takes care of us and ensures that we are all safe.

As we grow older, the roles of the care-giver and the care-taker sometimes change. You need to start taking care of your Dad as he grows older and you realise that he needs support and help as well. This usually happens towards the twilight years of his life of if he goes through a physical trauma at some time. But sometimes the father-son relationship can take a very interesting and nice turn.

I've had an interesting relationship with my Dad over the last few years. For most part of my life, to me my Dad was someone who was super intelligent and took care of us making sure that we did not come to harm. He taught me maths and made me love the subject, he supported me in my decisions, he stood by me when I went through some bad times and he was the pillar of strength. While my Mom was the emotional one, my Dad was someone who I could go to to have a rational conversation. His only weak point seemed to be my Mom.

Then a few years back the relationship started to change. My Dad seemed to start showing his emotional side and started expressing his love and affection for us. My sister and me were a little taken aback initially but then realised that all these years he had probably suppressed these emotions. It was interesting to see him coming in touch with his emotional side and expressing that openly.

For me, two incidents shifted our relationship into a completely different plane and change the dynamics of our father-son relationship. First, he retired after serving in one organisation all his working life. Second, he had a surgery and this for a person who had not been to a hospital all his life. Combined, these two things changed our perspectives towards each other.

I've touched upon the surgery's affect on me in my Day 25 blog post but his perspective on me seemed to change as well.

When he retired he started getting offers from organisations to consult to them in the field of Oil & Gas. My Dad is one of the best people in the field of Geology and one of the architects of Indian government's NELP program which is into its eight year now. As he started getting these offers, he started calling me to seek advice on how to deal with the 'corporates' that were calling him. How to present and how to negotiate with them on his consulting fees were some of the questions that he posed to me. His point being that he had always worked in a government organisation while I had always been in a corporate environment and hence would know better than him on how to deal with the 'corporate' guys. It was interesting for me to see that he was open to seeking advice from his son. He is open about telling me that he is going to an interview and we discuss about how he should pitch himself, what he should discuss, how much he should ask for, how he should negotiate and how he should position himself.

I have tremendous respect for my Dad when he does that. With those simple gestures he passes on a message to me that he respects me for what I have achieved, values my perspective and perceives me as a mature individual. He has also taught me that it is never too late to learn and definitely nothing to be ashamed of learning from someone younger to you. A lesson I must remember.

While he does have his quirks and idiosyncrasies, for me today its definitely 'My Daddy bestest'!