Day 59 - Too much love

Is there such a thing called 'Too much love'? We all love someone in our lives at all points of time. And the love manifests itself in different ways - love for your parents, love for friends, love for siblings, love for that special one or even love for your pets. Each of these has different mannerisms and different methods of getting expressed. But each form has its limits, or does it?

Can you love someone too much or is that then just smothering? Dictionary.com defines Smothering (n) as 'an overspreading profusion of anything' and this very nicely puts the point across. An overspreading profusion of love is also smothering.

Love, as we all know, is based on trust. An integral part of loving someone is that we trust them and we are secure in that relationship. We trust that our pet will not bite us and are secure that they love us more than they love the pet-handler. We trust that our parents have our best interests at heart and are secure that they don't distinguish between siblings. And the most important kind of love - we trust that our partner will not betray our emotions and are secure that they love us just as much. If these two components of 'trust' and 'security' are missing, it gives rise to smothering. You can call it by any other name - over possessiveness, protective, loving - but really you feel that the person is smothering you and not giving you space to grow.

Of course the 'smotherer' does not realise that and thinks that they are just making sure that their target is safe and unhurt. But ask the 'smotheree' and I am sure you will know that they are not happy in the relationship. They don't like being constantly asked where they are or where they are going or who they met or why they are doing a particular thing. While love is based on security and trust, smothering is based on the exact opposite emotions. In such a parasitic relationship, its just a matter of time before the smotheree breaks free and escapes leaving the smotherer to wonder what went wrong?

As you start any relationship I think its important that you look at it from this angle and ascertain if your outlook to the person is that of love or smothering? Do you trust that person? Are you secure in that relationship? Or do you have a need to know what the person is doing at all points of time? Do you wonder if that boy/girl that you partner is talking to is your competition?

If you value the relationship find out from your partner / friend if you are smothering them. Then change yourself or change the relationship so that both of you are happy. A smothering relationship is doomed for disaster at some point of time.

I found this great article that actually got me thinking about this aspect. Read the article here.

Are you a lover or a smotherer?