Day 14 - Slave and Master

A recent article caught my eye on Mani Ratnam's movie 'Ravan' being shot in the jungles of Kerela with Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan.

An elephant brought to the set for shooting went on a rampage and killed its mahout. Then it uprooted trees and caused a scare among the people at the shoot. The crew had to wait for quite some time before they could return back to their hotels.

The article got me thinking on the relationship between a trained and a trainer in such a situation. Its almost a relationship of slave and master. The relationship, I guess, is based on fear. Fear that the slave has of the master and fear that the master can exercise on the slave.

It's interesting to note that when it comes to humans and animals, the slave (animal) is usually the physically stronger kind who can easily harm the puny master (human).But the human is able to completeley control the animal and make it do whatever the human wants to. It's sad that humans can do this to animals - domesticating them through fear and emotional control. What is it that drives an animal who is much stronger than a human to bow down and obey his every command? What goes on in the brain of the animal that makes it afraid of the human? What is the fear factor that drives out all independence from the animal and makes it subserviant to the human?

The master also has his limits to which he can drive the slave. Once that is crossed the slave will react violently and try to break free from the shackles. This has happened to many times in history too. All freedom struggles are basically the fact that the people who feel enslaved have fought to break free from these shackles of their 'masters'. The same thing happened on the sets of 'Ravan'.

According to reports the mahout kept poking the elephant everytime there was a visitor on the set and make him do a namaste. This happened throughout the day. I guess at one point the elephant just got pissed and kept his foot down (pun intended).

But the reports say something interesting post the incident. Apparently the elephant kept trying to rouse the mahout and did not realise for quite some time that the mahout was dead. Once it realised that it went on a rampage uprooting trees. I found that quite interesting.

Did the elephant think that it had done a mistake and the get angry at itself? Was the elephant still afraid that the mahout may get up and punish him severely? Was the rampage an act of sadness or an act of happiness? Or was the elephant intelligent enough to think that it has to go back to the stable and will get punished by the other mahouts? I guess the answers are with the elephant only.

The relationship between any two beings should be a symbiotic one that benefits both and not a parasitic one. Only then will the relationhsip grow and become something beautiful. A relationship will never grow if there is only a give and a take - there has to be equal give and take from both parties.

Any relationship - love, friendship, colleauges - should be one of equals for it to grow. A master-slave relationship will always have an expiry date - in this case it was that of the mahout!

Day 13 - What are you afraid of?

Its an interesting thought that philosophical questions like this seem to have different answers across the years. When asked at a particular point in life the answer seems to reflect the deepest insecurities at that point. And these change with time.

I asked this question to a few friends recently and the answers varied from person to person. My closest friend was worried about growing old. She is a very health conscious lady and takes care of herself immaculately. She's extremely paranoid about putting on weight and is very focused on calories, oil, exercise and such stuff. I guess her fear comes from the fact that she thinks she will loose control on herself as she grows old. I think the interesting fact is that she will grow old gracefully and will live a long life because she is taking care of herself so well right now. Interesting, isn't it? She fears growing old but she will live long. My perspective anyway. While people like me who don't fear growing old will probably die before her.

Which brings me to.......well, me! :) What am I afraid of?

About 25 years back I was afraid of losing my parents and would have nightmares about it. What if I lost them in an accident? What would I do then?

About 15 years back I was afraid of my career going nowhere. I was drifting from one job to next as I could not see a stable career ahead of me. I then joined Times School of Marketing, fell in love, followed her to Bangalore and things changes for the better.

Today, I am most afraid of a premature death! Morbid, isn't it? But if my children read this sometime in the future they will know. Today I am most afraid that I will leave my family too soon. Things (touchwood) seem to be stable and I have a wonderful family. Today I want to be able to see that to its logical conclusion. I want to see my kids happy and settled. I want to see my kids married and having their children. I want to see my grand kids and play with them. I want to see my wife living a happy life. I want to be there to guide my children and help them along the way. I want to be with my friends and see them happy. I want to see them living their lives to a logical end. I want to grow old with my family and friends.

This is my fear today. I guess I should re-visit this question a couple of years later and answer it again. Maybe things would have changed by then.

Of course in between all these I am still afraid of flying insects and very afraid of losing friends and love!

What are you afraid of?

Day 12 - Keeping kids minds occupied

My two nephews aged 13 & 9 are down from US of A for their annual vacation. They' re with us for 20 odd days before their parents join them and they go off to Kolkata for a few days and then come back to spend 10 odd days with us again.

Our days currently are spent in trying to think of various ways to keep them entertained. The issue, of course, is that their holidays do not match with our kids holidays and so they are alone in the day at home. While my kids and other kids in the apartment come back in the evening they then have their homework and other stuff to do. So weekends are busy times with various places and things to do to fill up their times.

This did get me thinking though on how difficult it has become to keep kids entertained these days, even my kids during their summer vacations!

When we were growing up there was no TV or summer camps but I don't remember a single day when I was bored or didn't have anything to do. We played our butts out in the park with different games starting from the elite cricket to the humdrum grass root level game called 'lagori'. We even had kho kho if the number of people on the ground was too large or we just climbed trees and did lots of fun stuff. We never had summer camps that we had to go to. We were just left on our own and we filled up the time.

Kids today plonk in front of the TV and expect that device to entertain them. Or they are stuck on their xBoxes or PS2/3's or the Wiis. I actually went to a store to see if I should buy a Wii for these kids but its Rs 25,000/-!!!! That's too high a price for a gaming machine. Maybe I'm old and don't realise the value of that device.

But the kids hardly step out of the house or play with their friends. They depend on technology to entertain them whether its internet or TV or game consoles. I believe that technology really cannot replace the joys of fresh air and playing with friends. The games we played with other children gave us friendships, taught us concepts of team work and sharing. With more and more single child families stuck to their technology devices, are we preparing ourselves for a more self centered workforce later on?

Then again the kids may not be the ones to blame for that. There are hardly any play areas in today's apartment complexes and parents may have to take their kids to a park or to a club to get them to play games. We are to blame for this as well to an extent as parents. I think we watch too much TV and our kids just inculcate that habit.

Its time that we taught our kids different ways to entertain themselves - reading books and playing with friends rather than sitting in front of a device or using that to communicate with the outside world.

If this trend continues it may not be far when we see a world similar to the ones portrayed by Isaac Asimov in 'The Naked Sun'.

Day 11 - Triple A stages of first days in school

Today's post is more for parents and actually more for those parents whose children have just started school or are going to start school. Single people may not enjoy this post.

My younger kid - a son - just turned two and has started going to his play school for about 2 months now. While my elder is in 2nd standard, I remember these stages applied to her as well. As the child starts the first days of school, there are three stages that the child goes through. In some form or the other these three stages apply to all kids starting school. And this applies for the first days of school i.e the first time your kid starts school when he/she is very young. You'll typically put her in a play school when she turns 2 or in a nursery / Montessori school when he turns 3. Well, get ready for these stages.

AWE: The first stage that the child will pass through is Awe. Your child will run into the school for the first few days of school. He is too awestruck with all the different things to play with, explore and have fun with to bother about the fact that he is alone or with many other kids or with some new people. This stage usually lasts for 2-3 days and at a max for about 7 days. Within that time frame your child has finished exploring all the different things in school and now suddenly wakes up to the fact that he is being left alone in a strange place. She then gets into second stage

ANGUISH: This is the crying stage, the tantrum stage and the clinging-to-you-at-the-gate stage. Your child will howl and cry as she reaches the school and start telling you that she does not want to go to school. He will cling on to you for dear life with tears streaming down his face when you get to the gate. Imaginative kids will tell their parents that someone hits them in school or that another kid pushes them in school. Some will complain of stomach ache when they get to the school. Other kids start saying that they want to do potty. All these because they know that as a parent you will want to rush back home and give them medicine or get them to their potty. Kids will push the envelope with their parents and try and find different ways to avoid going to school. They will stop having their breakfast. But the key weapon in their arsenal are the tears when they get to school meant to melt your heart.

This is the longest stage for the child and the parent. It can last from a few days to weeks and even to one full month. Parents feel sad and start to assess if it is so important to send their child to a 'school' at such a young age. Maybe we should let him be at home. He was so happy at that time. Some parents feel embarrassed that their child is crying so much at the gate of the school. Some parents start wondering what is happening in school that my child is so afraid to go there. They start wondering if their child is being taken care of properly.

At the end of this stage, children graduate into the third and last stage of going-to-school and that is

ACCEPTANCE: In this stage the child just learns to accept that irrespective of what I do, my parents are going to leave me at this place so might as well learn to enjoy it. When the child gets to this stage they go in quietly into the school and to the teachers. Some kids in fact turn around, wave a bye, blow a flying kiss to the parent and walk in. This is the stage that the parents wait for. When they breathe a sigh of relief and are happy that their child has 'adjusted' to the school. It is from this stage onwards that the child starts to learn a lot and his vocabulary starts to change. New words come into his vocabulary. New concepts are formed. New rhymes are sung for the parents and new names are mentioned. And everyone is happy.

But the fact to be aware of is that the child oscillates between the 'Anguish' and 'Acceptance' stage for a few months. The parents think that their child has 'settled' in school and suddenly for a week in the middle the child will revert back to crying and the 'Anguish' stage.

This can happen for multiple reasons - maybe on of the parent traveled on work and the child starts to think that when I go to school my mother disappears and comes back later or the child got hurt in school an he starts associating the school with that hurt and pain or someone pushed him or did not give him a toy when he asked for it. There could be multiple reasons. The key is to know that your child will always go back to the 'Acceptance' stage and that this is just a phase.

So new parents always be prepared to face the three A's when your child starts school.

Tomorrow I'll talk about what to do in each stage.

Day 10 - Backfoot in love: Men or Women?

Love is such a heady emotion and both men and women get carried away in it. It can play tricks with even the most stable mind and make them behave like nuts. :)

Conventional wisdom says that in love a woman is more sentimental and emotional than a man. It also says that when in love the woman becomes indecisive or takes a back seat or will not make the first move - as compared to a man.

I think that is exactly what it is - conventional wisdom - and it is completely wrong!

The best way to find out if a man is truly in love is to see how indecisive he becomes when it comes to THE woman. At any other time the man will be in control of his emotions and actions. When he is flirting with a woman or just wants to get into her pants or is not that serious about the woman, he is in control and knows what he is doing. He does not mind taking the initiative since he knows that if he gets rejected it wasn't serious anyway and there are more women out there.

But change the situation and see the difference. If the man is really and truly in love with the woman, he becomes a completely different character. The fear of rejection or making a fool of himself or not appearing to be a proper correct person for her drives him nuts. He can't take a right decision and forever wonders which is the right way to take.

He starts thinking about what would make HER happy and loses his way and sense of thinking. He starts wondering that if I say something and she gets angry, then what do I do. Better not make her angry since I can't afford to lose her. He tries to live up to her expectations of him and sometimes forgets to be himself. The woman can really control him then and I think every woman knows that.

When truly in love - a man is not a man! (If you know what I mean). When truly in love, its the man who is on the backfoot.

Woman of the world.....that's the key. Forget all the cosmo quizzes and all the tests.

Good News: If the man you are dating is indecisive and more concerned about you; if you can sense that he is truly afraid of losing you; if he ensures that you are truly happy with small gestures - then he's in love with you. Watch out for those signs!

Bad News: That does not last forever. It only lasts till you get married to him. Post that he reverts back to his actual self!

More about the post-marraige man in a different blogpost.

;-)

Day 9 - Capital Punishment

A few weeks back I had an interesting discussion with one of my friends on Capital Punishment and if it should be abolished. There have been lot of discussions on this subject and I am sure there are people on either side of the fence.

My friend is a proponent of the fact that it should be abolished. His view is that an example should be set for the other criminals and that can be set by taking away their freedom. The most important thing for a person, by his logic, is his/her freedom and if you take that away and lock them away in a prison, you set an example for others wanting to commit the same crime. The other criminals will not want to commit the same crime. He also mentioned that research has shown that crime in a country that exercises capital punishment is no less than in one that does not or rather that crime in country without capital punishment is less than one with. His view was that a deterrent must be created for crime. There is also a view that a human has no right to decide on the life of another human. What use is inteligence if we behave like animals?

My view, on the other hand, is that capital punishment must be exercised in the rarest-of-rare crimes. Life is more important for a person than freedom and if you give the fear of losing life then crime may not get committed again. Of course this logic does not work for those people who do not care about their lives anyway - like terrorists. But if you 'set an example' then maybe the next person may not commit the crime. If a person like the Nithari Butcher is put to death maybe the next person who thinks of something like that may not do it. If a rapist of a small child is put to death, maybe the next possible rapist will think twice about it.

And that brings me to the topic of Kasab. Here is a youth who has indiscriminately killed people, trained his gun on innocents and pulled the trigger with no remorse. And we are spending tax payers money on taking care of him in jail and actually having a long drawn trial. What will that prove? We all know that he is one of the terrorists. Imagine what the other potential terrorists in Pakistan are thinking right now. They have Afzal Guru's example and now Kasab too. Hey, it we get caught after we have committed the crime, don't worry the Indian government will take care of us and we will live safely for at least another 10 years in their jails. Will capital punishment help the cause if we immediately execute the terrorist and let the world know that we will not tolerate terrorism? I think it will! I know what some of my friends will think - they will equate Kasab to Modi on Godhra and say that he too should be hanged. Maybe...let's get conclusive proof like in Kasab's case.

I think capital punishment is necessary. Can we please now hang Kasab and not waste my hard earned money and tax on taking care of him?

What do you think? Let me do a small poll. Which side of the fence are you on? YES for Capital Punishment or NO for who are we to decide to take someone's life!

(Cheeky of me to also find out how many really read my post!) :)

Day 8: Effect Statements

I've always been interested in 'Effect Statements' and obviously on the effect that these statements have on people. That's an interesting statement, isn't it? :)

But what are these 'effect statements' that I am talking about.

As humans we communicate and let the other person know our thoughts. Most of our communication is harmless and generic in nature. However, as we grow older some amount of selfishness crops into our communication. We communicate to extract something from others in terms of material things or emotions. This could be to our friends, girl/boy friend, parents, spouses, bosses, colleagues and almost everybody.

There are times when we make certain statements to people that we don't mean but we hope that they'll mean a lot to the other person and help us get what we want. That's an Effect Statement!! Still confusing?

Have you ever told a girl that you love her without meaning it but hoping that she would feel good and maybe give you the emotional and physical touch that you want? That's an effect statement. You really don't love her and don't mean it at all but you hope that the girl likes what she hears, believes that you love her and 'melts' in your arms!

Have you ever been told that you are a very kind person by someone and then realised that you ended up giving a large donation by your standards? Or have you been congratulated by everyone in office and then proceeded to give a party for that? Then you may have fallen prey to the 'effect statements'. Neither of them meant those statements but were able to extract what they wanted - a donation or a tip or a party or something to that extent.

Effect statements when made for small materialistic gains may not be that dangerous - a party, some money.

But when the same statements are made for emotional gains, the repercussions can be long lasting and dangerous. A girl thinks that the boy loves her and has an intimate relation with him only to realise that he never meant any of that. A parent tells their kid that you can marry her/him over their dead body and put a stop to something that can make the kid happy. A friend tells you that he/she is your best-est friend and then goes on to bitch about you to the whole world. These can be dangerous effect statements.

Learn to know when a statement is an effect statement and when it is the truth. My solution is look at the eyes and body language of the person. A sincere statement will almost always be delivered with eye contact and with confidence.

Always protect yourself against these 'effect statements' and the people who make them.

Day 7: Snap(e) Love!

I just returned from watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince a little while back and was surprised at myself for shedding a tear when Dunbledore dies. Its a defining moment in the Harry Potter series and I'm sure will touch every Potter fan's heart.

But really I was not shedding a tear for Dumbledore when I was watching the scene. I realised that I was truly getting teary eyed for Snape. Watching that scene and having read the last book of the series, I just feel for Snape so much. He's like 'Karan' of the Mahabharata. Not liked, not understood but central to the whole story. Imagine what must be going through Snape's mind as he kills Dumbledore. He is committing an act of which he knows there will be long lasting repercussions and he will never be forgiven by anyone. I remember feeling so disappointed when I read the book and knowing that Snape kills Dumbledore. I was certain that he was a good man and then when the last one explains everything I was so very happy.

And that gets me to the point of today's post. Forget about what Snape does and lets get to the reason he did it.The one thing I was struck about when I read The Deathly Hallows and explanation of who Snape was and why he did it, was the love that Snape has harbored in him for such a long time!!

Dumbledore: "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear"
Snape: "What do you mean"
Dumbledore: "YOu know how and why she died. Make sure it is not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son"
Snape: "Very well"

Imagine, can someone love a person for so many years and hold that love so dear that he can commit himself to protecting the progeny? Do whatever it takes - put himself in mortal danger of being discovered by the Dark Lord for who he really is and still work towards protecting the genes of one he loved. How does that love come about? How does that love survive? Snape's patronum is a doe with eyes of Lily Potter.

Does this love exist only in movies and books? Or can it exist in real world as well?

Today's generation talks about love in a snap. They snap their fingers and talk about falling in and out of love. Love for them is a means to an end - to get the person they want. If they get the person, great else lets move to the next one and tell her 'I love you!'. Sometimes love dies and the couple part without trying to revive the love. Why? Because there are more out there.

What is love really? Is it an emotion that can last over years and years? Imagine yourself in Snape's position for a moment of time. He loved someone very dearly but she marries someone else. When he knows Voldermort's plan, he begs Dumbledore to save her and maybe the family. In return he promises "Anything". His 'master' kills that very woman but her son survives. He comes over to the good side and becomes a spy. Years later he comes face to face with those eyes - the eyes that he hoped would have had love for him. He then works tiringly to protect that person and those eyes, each time being mistaken for the wrong.

Snape's single motivation for who he is and his life is his love for Lily! For that he killed Dumbledore, for that he spied in Voldermort's camp, for that he died......almost taking his secret with him.

Ladies and Gentlemen.......tip your hat for Snape for THAT IS LOVE!!!! And that is why Severus Snape is the best character of the Harry Potter series.

Day 6 - Let dead people be!

Deep in the jungle a majestic lion dies. Word spreads that the king of the jungle is dead and all the animals come to pay their respects. They bow in front of the king, put flowers, speak nice words, hold a ceremony for animals from other jungles and finally cremate / bury him (depends on his religion, you see).

Scenario 1 (Post cremation / burial): After a few days the scavengers come visiting - the vultures and the hyenas. They take the memory of the dead king and start shredding it to pieces. Word of this spreads too and all the other animals come to see. The animals are so interested that at the end they only remember the shreded, mutilated body of the king and not the majestic king himself. The spririt of the king cries tears of distress as the animals have forgotten all the good work he did for them.

Scenario 2 (Post cremation / burial): Some of the animals go back home and are so distressed that they try to burn themselves. Some commit suicide in memory of the dead king. In this jungle too scavengers come visiting after some time but the animals are not interested to know about that. After a few attempts, the scavengers realise that its no fun and leave the jungle. The animals revere the dead king, build statues in his name and remember all the good things that the king did for them. The spirit of the king is happy.

By now you must have realised where I am going with this and what the scenarios represent. NO? OK....let me elaborate.

Our culture represents scenario 2. After a celebrity dies we are always reverential of him/her and do not speak bad things. The celebrity's negative traits are kept within the house and even if someone wants to bring it up, we do not encourage the media or the person. We always try to remember the good traits of the celebrity and institute awards or build statues in their memory. That's the way we have been bought up and that's the way we respect the dead.

I always wonder why the western world is like scenario 1. When a celebrity dies its just a matter of time before the western world starts character assasination. This goes on to such an extent that you forget what the celebrity stood for. Its been hardly some time since MJ has died and already the scavengers have started. La Toya Jackson said he was killed for his money, someone else comes up and says that MJ was gay and this is just the beginning. I am sure there is lots more to come. Media deals will be struck and books will be written by his nanny, his body guard, his driver, his make-up man and all others trying to bring about one 'shocking' trait of him so that the book sells. In some time we may remember him more for these traits than for the wonderful entertainer that he was.

What do you remember Diana as? A beautiful woman or one who was supposed to have had an affair with everyone under the sun. Why do they do that? What perverse pleasure does the western world gain in this? I wonder!

Is our approach right? I think it is. If we talk of our values and our culture, I think this is one part of it.

Can we please stop the slandering and just remember MJ as the musician and entertainer extraordinaire that he was?

Addendum to Day 4

Encounter with an auto rickshaw driver in Mumbai.... An inspiration to excel!!

Suvendu Roy of Titan Industries shares his inspirational encounter with a rickshaw driver in Mumbai

Last Sunday, my wife, kid and I had to travel to Andheri from Bandra. When I waved at a passing auto rickshaw, little did I expect that this ride would be any different.

As we set off, my eyes fell on a few magazines (kept in an aircraft style pouch) behind the driver's back rest. I looked in front and there was a small TV. The driver had put on the Doordarshan channel. My wife and I looked at each other with disbelief and amusement. In front of me was a small first-aid box with cotton, dettol and some medicines. This was enough for me to realise that I was in a special vehicle. Then I looked around again, and discovered more -there was a radio, fire extinguisher, wall clock, calendar, and pictures and symbols of all faiths - from Islam and Christianity to Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism. There were also pictures of the heroes of 26/11- Kamte, Salaskar, Karkare and Unnikrishnan. I realised that not only my vehicle, but also my driver was special.

I started chatting with him and the initial sense of ridicule and disbelief gradually diminished. I gathered that he had been driving an auto rickshaw for the past 8-9 years; he had lost his job when his employer's plastic company was shut down. He had two school-going children, and he drove from 8 in the morning till 10 at night. No break unless he was unwell. "Sahab, ghar mein baith ke TV dekh kar kya faida? Do paisa income karega toh future mein kaam aayega." (Sir, what's the use of simply sitting at home and watching TV? If I earn some income, then it will be useful in the future.)

We realised that we had come across a man who represents Mumbai - the spirit of work, the spirit of travel and the spirit of excelling in life. I asked him whether he does anything else as I figured that he did not have too much spare time. He said that he goes to an old age home for women in Andheri once a week or whenever he has some extra income, where he donates tooth brushes, toothpastes, soap, hair oil, and other items of daily use. He pointed out to a painted message below the meter that read: "25 per cent discount on metered fare for the handicapped. Free rides for blind passengers up to Rs50?. He also said that his auto was mentioned on Radio Mirchi twice by the station RJs. The Marathi press in Mumbai know about him and have written a few pieces on him and his vehicle.

My wife and I were struck with awe. The man was a HERO! A hero who deserves all our respect. I know that my son, once he grows up, will realise that we have met a genuine hero. He has put questions to me such as why should we help other people? I will try to keep this incident alive in his memory.

Our journey came to an end; 45 minutes of a lesson in humility, selflessness and of a hero-worshipping Mumbai - my temporary home. We disembarked, and all I could do was to pay him a tip that would hardly cover a free ride for a blind man.

I hope, one day, you too have a chance to meet Mr Sandeep Bachhe in his auto rickshaw - MH-02-Z-8508

DAY 5: To tell or not to tell!

I read a beautiful story from Haruki Murakami last night called 'Honey Pie'. Its part of his 'After the Quake' collection and it really got me thinking. He's a fabulous author, by the way, but that's a different blog.

I also started linking the premise of the story to so many triangular love story movies that I had seen in Hollywood, Bollywood, Tollywood and all the other 'alphabet'-ollywood's and that lead to the question of the post today.

To tell or not to tell?

I'm sure you're asking...BUT WHAT? :)

Murakami's story talks about a group of three friends - a girl and two guys. The two guys are as opposite as chalk and cheese (where did that expression come from? Must find out). One is a extrovert, boisterous, fun loving guy while the other is a soft spoken, introvert, happy with himself kind of guy. Guess who gets the girl? The first one, of course and that's because he tells the girl about his feelings. The other bloke loves the girl as well but never tells her.

To tell or not to tell?

I believe in telling. If you like someone, if you love someone just let them know. The reasons for not telling are well documented and I don't need to talk about that - fear of rejection, becoming a laughing stock etc etc.

I want to talk about a different scenario. What if you positively know that the other person - your friend - does not love you? Do you still tell? What if the person and their presence in your life is more important than your 'feelings' for them. Do you still tell?

Now it gets interesting,doesn't it?

So then the fear comes in that if we tell them and they don't like it, they'll leave and we'll lose even the friendship. Sometimes that makes sense. But I think its better to let them know. And let the person know early on. If the person understands and accepts, they will be a better friend because they know how you feel about them. If they don't you will mope for a few days and come out stronger.

But the counter argument to that is, what's the use if she/he is still my friend, knows that I love her/him but the feeling is not returned? Now its a case of permanent frustration. At least earlier I had hope, now I don't even have that. That's a true assessment I'm afraid but I think that's where the maturity of love comes in. And this may sound as cliched as the typical Bollywood sob story, but is your love 'pure' enough that you would rather see the person happy than sad? Then you just love the person and forget about the reciprocation! Love like a child!

If you are a parent, you'll understand. Your child loves you unconditionally and expects nothing in return - at least till he/she is 3 or 4! :) You scold them, you shout at them but after sometime they come to you with a smile and you forget why you were angry at them. Their eyes show unconditional love. Go back to that time and learn to love like a child.

Loving a friend is loving like a child! Don't have any expectations from that person. You just make sure that your love makes the person happy! Is it easy? Hell no! But I think its worthwhile.

So go out today and tell your friend that you love her/him and leave the rest to destiny!

Guru Kaushal-ananda has spoken! May the force be with you!

Day 4: नेकी कर दरिया में दाल

That's a proverb in Hindi which literally translates into "Do a good deed & throw it in the river" but really it means that the good deeds that you do are not meant to be spoken about, are not meant to be tom-tom'ed. Just do the good deed and forget about it. I guess it goes back to the basic Hindu tenet of 'karma' - do the work and don't worry about the results.

But why am I suddenly talking about good deeds and rivers? Because as much as I am a firm believer in the proverb I also wonder if we do the good deeds that we do with a selfish motive. I am a firm believer that all of us are selfish - its just how you define selfishness that makes the difference. Do we do the donations, the contributions to feel good about ourselves or to assuage any guilt that we have?

There are different kinds of people, right? Of course there are........even when it comes to charity. There are some who do it quietly without ever talking about it - people like Amitabh Bachchan but then again he's started talking about it on his blog, there are those who do it and then talk about it not with any ulterior motive but maybe to make sure that the charity is known and the organisation attracts more people to it and then there are what I believe the best of all - those who actually donate their time and effort and energy to some activity.

I have the highest regard for the last category ones mainly because I have never been able to cross that line. As much as I want to donate my time, there is always something else that comes up. My friend - Jeanette Fuccella - is one of them and I respect her highly for it. And then there is the fantastic campaign from Times of India called 'Teach India' which is the line I have not been able to cross. I want to do it and maybe one day I will.

But really coming back to the topic how many of us really do a good deed and never think about it - even subconsciously. Do we do that deed just so that we can feel good or get over our guilt feeling and be able to say that we did something for the 'underprivileged' and the money that I earn is worth it. How much of our philanthropy is absolutely selfless with no expectations? I wonder. I think that everyone who does charity has an ulterior motive - to earn goody points in the book of life so that when they go up in front of HIM they can say that I did all this for those who needed help.

But the sad part (or is it the good part) is that in this fast paced busy life of ours we replace time with money and believe that we've done a good deed. We donate money to various charities and think that our नेकी (good deed) has been done. Lets get on with life and move on to the next one. I think its time that we put 'time' into our charitable efforts and give back some good to the world.

I bring this up also because even if you are the 'money donation' variety, its good. At least you do something and your contribution makes a difference to few lives. I suddenly brought up this topic because I got the snap at the beginning of the post in today's email. That is Kunal, a 3 yr old boy suffering from cancer and all he wanted was a cricket set. He does not know how long he will live and it breaks my heart because my son is just 2 and I cannot I cannot imagine him like this. Charities like Make a Wish Foundation help to fulfill the last wishes of kids with serious illness. It takes a little bit of money to fill his face with a smile and faces of many such children.

Please go to the site and do whatever you can. I did and I was rewarded with this beautiful smile!

Day 3: Will they reach safely?

Cryptic one, isn't it? Well, let me elaborate.

My nephews - 12 and 9 - are on their way alone for the first time from US of A. That's quite a long distance for kids to travel alone on a flight full of people that they don't know. On both sides of the ocean relevant people have the above question on thier minds - will they reach safely?

The answer to that really is quite obvious. Of course they will! They arrived safely from Boston to London, had a good 5 hour layover and have safely boarded the flight from London to Bangalore. As I write this they are 7 hours aways from Bangalore. I'm getting ready to sleep so that I can wake up early and go to the airport to receive them.

But really, the question is that irrespective of what we know is the thruth (safe reach, in this case); we still question ourselves, stress ourselves and worry ourselves till we see the outcome as being successful or being what we wanted it to be. For people like me who have hyperactive imagination, its even worse. Let me narrate an incidence to prove that to you.

I'm married for 2 years. Its early morning about 4am and my wife leaves home to go to a nearby newspaper distribution center for work. (She was in PR at that time and they were doing some stuff for their client). I know that and I'm cool with that. Its now 6.30am and she's still not back. She should be coz my paper has been delivered and so the distribution center must have shut down. The demon of hyperactive imagination smiles and latches on to my mind. I take my scooter and go to the distribution center. They are all wrapping up and there's no sign of my wife. I ask a few people and they say - Yes, she was here but she left at least 0ne hour back! The demon grows larger. What do I do now? Remember there were no cell phones in those days. I come home and wait. Its 7.30 and my mind is completely frayed. She must be lying somewhere hurt. She must have been kidnapped. She's had an accident. What do I do? The demon is by now laughing loudly and eating away at the logical part of my mind. I can't call her parenst either who live in the same town. If I ask them and they say she's not there, what do I do then? By now I'm a bowl of jelly, a broken clay pot like the half made clay on the potters wheel. Then the phone rings and by now I am convinced that its from the hospital or the police. I pick up expecting the worst. The demon of hyperactive imagination is now a dragon breathing fire and growing larger on my panic. 'Hello?' I say and my wife is at the other end saying 'Good morning'. What the........'Oh! I decided to come to my parents house to eat idli'. I'm angry but I also laugh at what has happened in the last one hour!!! Was she safe? Will they reach safely?

Interesting what an imagination can do to you and your logical mind. Till you see the desired result, your mind plays games with you and the demon grows larger on your fear! I'm sure my sister-in-law has not slept the night and till she hears her son's voice, she will be like that. Will they reach safely? Are they on the right flight? Will their uncle be at the airport to pick them up?

I'm sure my nephews have not slept on the plane and till they see me at the airport. Will mesho be at the airport? What if he is not there? Who do I call? What do I do? Will we reach safely?

And I'm sure I'm not going to sleep tonight well either. Will the cab come on time? Will I wake up with the alarm at 2am? Hope the cab does not break down on the way to the airport. Hope I reach there on time. Will they reach safely?

The objective, of course, is to not let the demon of hyperactive imagination grow so large that it takes over and clouds your logical thinking. But is that easy?

I'll give an update to the question - Will they reach safely? - tomorrow! Down, demon, down!

Day 2: Aspirations

To those who know me this has been my pet subject for sometime now. I've spoken about it at length to anyone who would be interested to listen. Some of them unfortuately did not have a choice. :) I just rambled on and they listened out of courtesy. So let me ramble here as well and maybe someone will read it out of courtesy here too!


Do you remember the day you got your first cycle or your first bike? Or the day your family got its first refrigerator or the first colour TV or maybe the first VCR? Do you remember the elation and the joy of that device coming into your house? Do you remember your target job or organisation and the happiness and acquiring that? I do...........I remember the day I got my cycle and the proud feeling when I bought my bike with my own money. I remember how proud I felt the day I moved into my own house. In 'our days' those were some of the things we aspired for. The day we could get things on our own - the things that we didn't have as kids growing up or things that we saw our parents struggle to get and succeed. To some extent those aspirations drove us to accomplish what we did early in life.


My kids, on the other hand, are born with things that we considered luxury and we aspired for - a house, a sedan car, a phone - maybe two, a computer, a LCD TV, a home theater and many other such things. When I look at these things around me, I wonder what will my kids aspire for? What will they aim for? What will they dream to have and work towards? I bought my daughter a cycle a couple of years back and she accepted it and has hardly ridden it. I used to wash and polish my cycle every weekend and ride it proudly everywhere.

As we got successful we acquired a lot of things for our own benefit and enjoyment. By the age of 30 an average successful person would have their own house, own car, couple of TVs, few phones, definitely a laptop or desktop and all the other 'neccessities' of life like a microwave, refrigerator and washing machine. This is the kind of household that the kids arrive into. As the parents grow older the kids see more luxuries coming into their life - weekly restaurant visits, trips abroad at the drop of a hat, toys when they want and other such things. And this gets me wondering if we are spoiling the next generation. Are we giving them everything on a platter? What dreams will they have or goals will they set to achieve?

When I was in college my Dad could not afford to get me a bike or scooter. I made that as my aim and felt proud when I bought my own scooter with my own money. I remember restauramt visits were a coveted thing. We dressed in our best clothes and were told to be on our best behaviour. Today my daughter tells me every weekend that she 'wants to eat out'!!

This is one of the things that keeps me awake at night. What dreams or goals will our kids have as they grow up!!

DAY 1: The Start (13th July 2009)

I have always had a lot of random thoughts in my mind - thougths on life, on work, on marketing and a whole lot of things. These are like fireflies in a dark night - always there looking beautiful, lighting up the solitude but elusive to catch and pin down. This blog is my way of catching these fireflies and bottling some of them for posterity.

Will someone read it? Will somone comment? Will I become famous? Well, the intention of the blog is none of these. The intention is just to put my thoughts down on paper, or website, and maybe come back to them at a later date and have a nice little smile on my face. Or maybe get my kids - a daughter and son - to read these at a later date so that they understand what their father's thoughts were.

Encouraged by a few friends I have decided to embark on this journey. Like any 'newsletter' there are so many things that I want to fill this post with. The challenge, however, is to see if I can maintain the habit and write my blog daily.

Well...its a start. The train has left the station....lets see if it chugs along smoothly or stops midway broken down with no repair in sight.

Let me end my first post at this - a challenge to myself to come back and write some coherent stuff tomorrow.