Day 35 - Birthdays: Worst and Best!

We recently hosted a surprise 75th birthday party for my father-in-law.

The entire family was around him and more importantly his close friends had been invited as well. I refered to that in my blog post of Day 27 (Family but not Family) .

While my FIL is not given to emotions, I think from his surprised look we were fairly confident that he had a good time and liked what we did.


But this got me thinking about birthdays. Birthdays are important days for us, aren't they? Irrespective of what age we reach. Its always fun to get wishes from everyone and in today's world with Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites, birthdays becomes days when you feel loved and wanted. You get to see so many wishes from everyone that its absolute fun. But of course the best wishes come from your family and closest friends. Across many years now, I have always received a hard copy card in the post from my parents for my birthday and I look forward to it. But once in a while comes across a birthday which turns out to be not so good.

Here are my two WORST and two BEST birthdays.

WORST
1994: I was in Mumbai staying with my cousin and between jobs. On my birthday I was all alone. My cousin brother and his family didn't remember my birthday and probably didn't care. Remember these were days with no cell phones and so I didn't get a call from my parents either. I actually searched the telephone directory and found the number of a long lost friend who I called, spoke to and just happened to mention that it was my birthday just so someone could wish me on that day. That was probably the worst birthday that I had as I left quite lonely.

2006: It was like any other birthday. I got wishes from my family, a cute card from my daughter, parents and sister called and wishes me and so did some friends. So why do I call this as one of my worst? Because the one close friend who I thought very highly of forgot my birthday and did not call me at all. I waited and waited for her call but nothing. The fact that she did not call me cast a shadow on all the beautiful things that others had done and that's the reason I categorise this as one of my worst birthdays. In my view, good friends are supposed to remember friends birthdays. Of course, its a different perspective that a few months later and even bigger storm was to hit our friendship, but that's a different blog.

BEST
1980 or around that time: I must have been 8 or 10 years old and I wanted a cycle very badly. So as my birthday approached I started asking my parents for a cycle for myself. I promised I would take care of it and ride it everyday. I was almost convinced that I would get the cycle on my birthday and waited eagerly for the day to come. Come the day and there was no cycle. I waited, went to school, came back, cut the cake and still no cycle. I asked my parents and they said that they are not getting a cycle for me as it is too expensive. That's when I could not take it and started crying and bawling. My Dad decided to take me out (it was almost night and quite dark) to calm me down and explain things to me. I went along quite depressed. We reached the main road and my Dad kept looking up and down the road. Suddenly (like in the movies) I see a red cycle being ridden and coming close to my Dad. He thanks the person and says here's your surprise. It was all a drama to surprise me and that was the best birthday of my short life till then. I thanked my parents profusely, hugged them, kissed them and loved my cycle. I still remember that day.

2009: Yes...this year's birthday was one of the best birthdays of my life. I was in Singapore and returned a day before to a party at my house with family friends. But that was the expected one. As the clock turned midnight they all wished me, had dinner and started to leave. We decided to meet later in the evening for the actual birthday party. That evening my wife prepared some good food, got dressed and sat with me. I was wondering why she was dressed so well for our regular family friends coming home but then thought that maybe coz it was my birthday. I was relatively sloppily dressed. The bell rang and I opened the door to the biggest surprise of the day. There standing at the door were my two closest friends with their family and the third one was on her way. This was the group of three that I love very much. These are my closest friends and not necessarily my wife's. She had taken the effort to call them, invite them, ensure that it was a surprise, told our family friends to go along when I said that we'll see them that evening and set this whole birthday party for me. WOW.....that was something and I loved her even more!

So these are my two worst and best birthdays till date.

What are yours?

Day 34 - Spin Offs

I blogged about my fascination for 'all things space' in my last blog post. When I was growing up {not that I've stopped growing now ;) } I used to have these conversations with my Dad where he would chide me for my 'love' of space efforts. I would follow closely the shuttle launches and the activities of the astronauts. I loved the fact that we had started work on the ISS and would look out for the images from Hubble telescope whenever the newspapers carried them.

The discussions with my Dad would typically center around the fact that billions of dollars were being spent on these frivolous space antics while the same money can be used to do so much more on Earth. He would always question what good does this space research serve to humanity. At that time I usually did not have an answer for him.

Over the years this question has bothered me too and I have tried to find out the practical uses of space technology. Has the billions of dollars spent on space research and travel contributed anything to us living presently on earth?

Well, Dad......it has!! A lot of things that we use today in our daily lives and take for granted have actually come from space research.

Here are some:

• Invisible Braces: Dental braces that are almost invisible but serve the purpose were developed by Unitek using TPA which was developed in conjunction with NASA Advanced Ceramics Research Division. TPA is strong enough to withstand use and is translucent, making it a prime material for invisible braces. Because of their instant popularity, invisible braces are one of the most successful products in the orthodontic industry.

• Scratch Resistant Lenses: Spectacles that you use today are usually made of plastic so that they don't shatter when they fall. But plastic scratches easily, doesn't it? So how come your spectacles don't? The answer is again NASA. Because of dirt and particles found in space environments, NASA needed a special coating to protect space equipment, particularly astronaut helmet visors. Recognizing an opportunity, the Foster-Grant sunglasses manufacturer licensed the NASA technology for its products. The special plastics coating made its sunglasses ten times more scratch-resistant than uncoated plastics.

• Memory Foam: Do you feel comfortable on your bike seat or when you sleep on your mattress at night? NASA ­helps some people sleep better at night. Temper foam found in Tempurpedic brand mattresses and similar brands was originally developed for space flight and later repackaged for the home. The open cell polyurethane-silicon plastic was created for use in NASA aircraft seats to lessen impact during landings. The plastic has a unique property that allows it to evenly distribute the weight and pressure on top of it, which provides shock absorbency. Even after being compressed to 10 percent of its size, the memory foam will return to its original shape .

• Ear Thermometer: Ever wondered where the ear thermometer that you use to measure your kid's temperature was invented? Who thought of it and how does it measure temperature when it does have mercury? Diatek, which developed the first of these kinds of thermometers, took advantage of NASA's previous advancements in measuring the temperature of stars with infrared technology. Together with NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab, the company invented an infrared sensor that serves as the thermometer. Aural thermometers with these infrared sensors take your temperature by measuring the amount of energy your eardrum gives off into the ear canal. Since the eardrum is inside our bodies, it acts as an accurate sensor for the energy, or heat, inside of our bodies that increases when we get sick.

• Shoe Insoles: The spring in your step when you wear athletic shoes may literally come from NASA's technology for astronauts who went to the moon. The space suit designed for the Apollo missions included specially-made boots that put a spring in astronaut's steps while providing ventilation. Athletic shoe companies have taken this technology and adopted it to construct better shoes that lessen the impact on your feet and legs. In the mid-1980s, shoe company KangaROOS USA applied the principles and materials in moon boots to a new line of athletic shoes. With help from NASA, KangaROOS patented a Dynacoil three-dimensional polyurethane foam fabric that distributes the force on your feet that happens when you walk or run [source: NASA Science and Technology Information]. By coiling the fibers within the fabric, the KangaROOS absorb the energy from your foot hitting the ground, rebounding it back to your feet.

• Long distance telecommunications: Oh, by the way the phone call that you make to your cousin or aunt in US is thanks to the technology that NASA developed over decades. Before humans were sent into space, NASA built satellites that could communicate with people on the ground about what outer space was like. Using similar satellite technology, around 200 communication satellites orbit the globe each day.

• Water Filters: An everyday thing like the water filter that you use actually comes from space research technology. Cool, isn't it? The ability to convert contaminated water to pure water is an incredibly important scientific achievement.Astronauts needed a way to cleanse water they take up into space, since bacteria and sickness would be highly problematic. NASA wanted to know how to clean water in more extreme situations and keep it clean for longer periods of time.
  
  If you look at a water filter, you can usually detect small chunks of charcoal inside of them. Sometimes, when you first use a water filter, you'll even notice tiny black flecks from those chunks. This charcoal is specially activated and contains silver ions that neutralize pathogens in the water. Along with killing bacteria in the water, the filters also prevent further bacterial growth. Companies have borrowed from this same technology to bring us the water filter systems millions of people use at home every day.

There are many more such technology innovations in daily life that have come from space research - cordless tools, Firefighter suits, Battery that drives the electric car, the new swimming costumes that are breaking records and many more. You can read about them at the NASA's Spinoff site.

So, hey Dad........space technology investment is not really a waste of money!! Phew!

Day 33 - My fascination for space

Since I was in the 6th or 7th standard I have always been fascinated by space and its limitless potential. I moved from Ahmedabad to Mumbai in the 6th standard and joined school mid-way. A group of friends used to discuss Kepler's laws and Saturn's rings and I could not join in the conversation. So I started to read up about them and got hooked for life. I went back and told them about the gaps in Saturn's rings and from them on I was hooked to the stars.

As I grew older my fascination grew for space travel and its potential to free human race from the Earth. In this fertile environment came STAR WARS from George Lucas. Imagine a 9 year old boy who is just discovering space and liking it, sitting inside a theater and seeing his imagination come to life. Space travel, fights, aliens of different kinds, humans.......WOW......and in all that such imaginative characters as Darth Vader and Jabba the Hutt! Star Wars laid the foundation of my scifi fascination. Even today I am a huge kid when it comes to Star Wars and all my friends and family know that.

I have dragged my friends to Star Wars movies where they have rolled their eyes while I have been engrossed in the movie. In fact when Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith was premiered in India and I had the tickets, my wife could not come with me. So I called up a friend and I told her that I can take you to this movie but you have to understand that I may not talk to you when the movie is going on and I may potentially ignore you completely. I had goose bumps when Anakin Skywalker finally becomes Darth Vader.

In my workplace a small corner of my desk is occupied by the characters of Star Wars and this will only grow.

This fascination was also fueled by TV series like Star Trek at an early age and then Farscape later on.

The next logical step was books and Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke gave wings to my imagination. I still call them my gurus. While Asimov's Foundation and Robot series painted the life opera and the fight of good-v/s-evil on a galactic canvas, Clarke's Odessey and Rama series raised ethical questions about humans and aliens. I loved (and still do) them immensely and even today will pick up scifi book over any other.

My fascination is such that three of my '10 things to do before I die' have something to do with space!

You may call it an escapist thing or you may label it as a dream to break free, but for me space and space travel is about the immense potential for human life to go beyond the 'cradle' of Earth and explore this huge galaxy and universe that has been given to us. I find it absolutely impossible that we are in this obscure corner of this lonely galaxy and that we are the only intelligent beings in the universe.

Skeptics say that we have not found any inkling of intelligent life out there in the universe. But this is similar to us being a small tribe in the deepest jungles of Amazon and thinking that we are the only ones when just a few thousand Kms away there are skyscrapers, neon lights and technology far beyond our imagination. We just need to find the path that will lead us from the deepest Amazon jungle to a village nearby and from them to a city and a town and the capital of the country. What the Amazon tribes count in footsteps, we count in light years.

Its just a matter of time!!

Day 32 - Communication Etiquette

Communication has always been an essential part of being human. We 'seem' to better than the rest of the animal life on this planet because of our ability to communicate complex thoughts and things to each other.

But communication also needs to be a two-way thing. I am not going to espouse about communication techniques here but rather what I believe should be the basic etiquette for communication in these times. Today we are all connected to each other through multiple means, other than face-to-face talking, like emails, phone calls, sms and social media.

Unlike earlier times when a delay or lag in replying to a communication was an accepted thing, in today's world we are all connected instantaneously and hence there should be certain rules of replies.

Here are my rules of basic communication etiquette - from a reply side. You may or may not believe in the same things:

1. Always reply to any form of communication from family and friends.
2. Always reply to solicited communication from business associates.
3. If you do not wish to be disturbed at some point of the day on your phone, switch it off.
   
4. If you have a missed call on your phone because you could not pick up the call, call the person back within a reasonable time.
5. If you missed a call because you were talking to someone else and your line was busy, call the person back as basic courtesy.
6. If you get a sms from someone as a conversation piece, reply to the sms in reasonable time. This does not apply to jokes or chain sms.
7. If you commit to a person that you will call them back, do not keep them hanging waiting for your call. Basic etiquette requires that you have to call them back at the time you mentioned or within a reasonable time, as you committed to the same.
   
8. If you get an email directly marked to you that needs your response, reply back within the day. This does not apply to emails which come to you for your information or as a 'cc'.
9. Rule 8 also applies to emails from your friends although this could take slightly lesser priority during business hours.
   
10. Remember communication is a two way street - it works only if you reply and maintain basic courtesy.

It irks me when some of my closest friends - friends that I love immensely - do not seem to follow these basic rules. I try to follow them and abide by them at least 95% of the times and my aim is to ensure that I abide by them 100%.

Do you agree with these rules? And do you abide by them?

Day 31 - Business Travel

The grass is always greener on the other side - a saying that usually comes true in some form or another at some stage of your life. I believe that it is never more truer than with respect to traveling out of your country on business.

When one is young and just starting a job, one always feels envious of the 'seniors' who get to travel all over the world on work. What could be more fun? You get to go to different places, the travel and stay is free and you just have to do some work when there. Without spending any money on the expensive things like travel and stay, you get to see many new places and cities of the world. The first trip is always very exciting. As the day comes closer you have mixed feelings - you are excited about going to a new place and at the same time a bit worried about how you will tackle the place. Its usually fun when you are young and for the first few times or at least the first time to a new place.

Then as the 'foreign' travel increases you start to dread the same. Even if the travel and stay is free, who would want to sit in a cramped aircraft for umpteen hours, bear the ridiculous late night flight times from India, eat the 'bad' food and suffer jet lag when you get to your location. Not to consider the fact that you need to work there and will probably have no time to roam the city.

If you are like me the business travels become even more difficult. I am not a great fan of roaming a new city all alone, unlike my Dad. My Dad will land in a new place and use the hotel room only to sleep. He gets out and roams the city taking in the museums and the sights and sounds using the local transport. He doesn't know how the tube or the bus service works but will still experiment and see the city. I, on the other hand, dread the fact that I may have to use the local transport. I fear that I may get lost in a new city and I don't like to experiment. And this is more true if I don't have any company.

On a business travel, I hate the fact that I have to go away from my family and friends. I have to stay alone in a hotel room. If I don't have any company I usually stay put in the room alone and go to office and back. I tend to miss my family and friends and the safe comfort feeling of my country and my people. I fear the fact that if I use the local transport, I may not know how to get back and may get lost. So in a new city, if I don't have company, I will travel from the hotel to the places of interest by cab even if it is expensive. I will try to see the places but end up spending more money than if I would have just taken the great local transport system.

I write this as I sit at the Hong Kong airport waiting for my flight to get back home to Bangalore. And I did exactly that. Last time I was here, I saw the Victoria Peak and the Symphony of Lights but went everywhere by cab as I was alone. This time I visited the Temple Street Night Market and that too all thanks to my friend Eunice Lim who had also come for the same meeting from Singapore. If she was not there, I would have stayed put in the room.

I envy my Dad who is able to roam the city all alone using the local transport and experiment all by himself. For me the grass is greener on the other side and I enjoy a family travel more than a business travel at any time.

But at the same time, I still want to do new places and experience new things.

What a dichotomy!

Day 30 - L.I.FE: Anatomy of a Group

I've been lucky enough to have been a part of two groups in my life till date. By groups I don't mean music bands or hobby / activity groups or any such sort, I mean group of friends.

You will notice in your life that usually its a friend circle or group of friends that you are a part of. This is true when you are in school, college or work life. A few common people come together and sub consciously form a group that seems to start 'hanging out' together. Soon this group becomes something that you look forward to. This is different from my post on 'Family but not Family' of a few days back.

So as I said, I've been lucky enough to be a part of at least two groups that are very close to my heart. In fact that 'group of friends' still exists though in one instance we may be thousands of miles apart.

As I think about my group of friends, I realise that every group seems to have a set pattern and you can actually classify people in the group into certain brackets or types. These are, of course, my thoughts and you may have differ from them. But by and large people / friends in a group can be classified into L.I.FE - not withstanding the fact that a group does need life to make it!

Late Latif: This is the person who is perennially late to any meeting. You tell the person that we will meet at 2:00pm and you will realise that while all the others are there, this person will be having a bath in their house at 1:45 and will say that they will be there by 2. Usually they land up for the meeting by 2:30. Over a period of time you start accounting for their delay and adjust your meeting time accordingly. If you have to meet at 3, you tell everyone 2:30 knowing that all others will account for the delay and surprisingly will land up by 3. Of course, the flip side is that the punctual person will land up always on time and have to wait for the Late Latif!

The fun is that we love them for that and have a good laugh everytime we meet.

Intermittent: These are the people in the group about whom you are never sure. Are they a part of the group or are they just there for some time? These people seem to come in and go out of the group from time to time. To the other members it seems as if this person is not 'dedicated' to the group. While the rest of the gang will try to ensure that the group stays alive, you feel as if it doesn't make much difference to the 'Intermittent' person if the group survives or not. They will just drift from one group to the next.

The truth may be that these people are afraid to show their emotions but feel as stringly about the group as the next person.

Fun loving & Energetic: Now these are the core of the group. These are the people for whom it is imperitive that the group survive and they will try anything to ensure that the group meets and has fun. These are usually the people in the group who will send emails, make calls and keep in touch with everyone else. They enthuse a lot of energy into the group and make it fun to meet. They will get the others to decide on the venue, time and date so that the group meets. They will try to keep a balance in the group and make sure that everyone is talking to each other. They show empathy with others and try to bring out the issues and solve them. I would call them the 'bamboo' that holds the 'tamboo' in place.

But for any group to form you need all sorts of people. If everyone is the same, the group will not form.

I believe that L.I.FE form a group.

I can identify the L.I.FE members in my groups. Can you in yours?

Day 29 - Father Son, A changing dynamic

My Daddy Strongest - that's the tagline of one of the ads in India and it in a way symbolises what all of us believe when we are young. At different stages of our lives our Dads play different roles and hold different positions for us.

When we are young, its 'My Daddy Strongest'
When we are teenagers, its 'My Daddy does not understand'
When we start working, its 'My Daddy gives advice'
When we become slightly successful, its 'My Daddy is old in his thoughts'
When we have our kids, its 'My Daddy cutest, as a grandfather'
When we bring up our kids, its 'My Daddy must be emulated'
When our dad becomes old, its 'My Daddy bestest'!

Along this whole journey for most of the part, we go to our Dad for advice, help and support. When we come up against something at work or need help on financial matters we seek out our Dads. Usually Dad is a pillar of strength who brings home the money, takes care of us and ensures that we are all safe.

As we grow older, the roles of the care-giver and the care-taker sometimes change. You need to start taking care of your Dad as he grows older and you realise that he needs support and help as well. This usually happens towards the twilight years of his life of if he goes through a physical trauma at some time. But sometimes the father-son relationship can take a very interesting and nice turn.

I've had an interesting relationship with my Dad over the last few years. For most part of my life, to me my Dad was someone who was super intelligent and took care of us making sure that we did not come to harm. He taught me maths and made me love the subject, he supported me in my decisions, he stood by me when I went through some bad times and he was the pillar of strength. While my Mom was the emotional one, my Dad was someone who I could go to to have a rational conversation. His only weak point seemed to be my Mom.

Then a few years back the relationship started to change. My Dad seemed to start showing his emotional side and started expressing his love and affection for us. My sister and me were a little taken aback initially but then realised that all these years he had probably suppressed these emotions. It was interesting to see him coming in touch with his emotional side and expressing that openly.

For me, two incidents shifted our relationship into a completely different plane and change the dynamics of our father-son relationship. First, he retired after serving in one organisation all his working life. Second, he had a surgery and this for a person who had not been to a hospital all his life. Combined, these two things changed our perspectives towards each other.

I've touched upon the surgery's affect on me in my Day 25 blog post but his perspective on me seemed to change as well.

When he retired he started getting offers from organisations to consult to them in the field of Oil & Gas. My Dad is one of the best people in the field of Geology and one of the architects of Indian government's NELP program which is into its eight year now. As he started getting these offers, he started calling me to seek advice on how to deal with the 'corporates' that were calling him. How to present and how to negotiate with them on his consulting fees were some of the questions that he posed to me. His point being that he had always worked in a government organisation while I had always been in a corporate environment and hence would know better than him on how to deal with the 'corporate' guys. It was interesting for me to see that he was open to seeking advice from his son. He is open about telling me that he is going to an interview and we discuss about how he should pitch himself, what he should discuss, how much he should ask for, how he should negotiate and how he should position himself.

I have tremendous respect for my Dad when he does that. With those simple gestures he passes on a message to me that he respects me for what I have achieved, values my perspective and perceives me as a mature individual. He has also taught me that it is never too late to learn and definitely nothing to be ashamed of learning from someone younger to you. A lesson I must remember.

While he does have his quirks and idiosyncrasies, for me today its definitely 'My Daddy bestest'!