Day 40 - Ravana's Secrets Revealed

I have always been intrigued by Ravana - the biggest villain of Indian mythology. Ravana's portrayal in almost all forms of visual manner have always been that of a loud mouth, angry, ferocious, dangerous laughter kind of a person who is a no-good evil man out to destroy the world.

But is Ravana really that? The one thing that got me thinking was when I heard the story of Hanuman burning Lanka and it was always 'सोने की लंका' (Lanka of Gold). I used to think that if Ravana really was that bad how come his kingdom had so many riches. How could the entire kingdom be of Gold and the people happy if he was a bad king? If he wasn't then why did he do what he did? Why after kidnapping Sita did he not marry her forcefully when he had a harem to show that he could? Why is he depicted with having 10 heads and 20 arms? Why was his navel the source of his life? And finally why did Lord Ram insist that Laxman get a training about governance from Ravana?

So over the years, I started collecting lit tidbits here and there about Ravana to answer my questions. The one thing that really helped to some extent was Zee TV's serial on Ravana.

But here is what I learnt and actually started to respect Ravana more. There are things that I was aware of and some things that I learnt new and was startled to read it.

Ravan was a stout devotee of God Shiva, a scholar, a capable ruler and an expert Veena player. He was Kuber's (God of wealth) brother, grandson of Pulastya (one of the six human sons of God Brahma - the creator). Under his father's tutelage he mastered the Vedas, the holy books and the art of Kshatriya's (warriors). He was the ruler of all the netherworlds ruling over all asuras and captured many human kingdoms as well. In Lanka, however, he was an astute and kind ruler to an extent that even the poorest house had vessels of gold to eat from and hunger was unknown in his kingdom.

Why could he not take Sita forcefully as his wife?
The story goes that he got his eyes set on the apsara Rambha who was betrothed to his brother Kubera's son. Even her plea that she was like a daughter to him was not enough to deter him. Angered at that Kubera's son cursed him that if he tried to take any woman forcefully all his ten heads would roll off. That is what is supposed to have protected Sita's chastity.

Why is his life in his navel?
Ravan performed an intense penance to God Brahma. Please by that God Brahma appeared in front of him as granted him one boon to which Ravana asked for immortality. Brahma could not give him that but gave him the celestial nectar of immortality which he stored under his navel. This is the secret and he could not be vanquished until the nectar was dried out. Vibhishan knew that and pointed it out to Lord Rama. (though the question is why didn't Lord Rama - an avatar of Vishnu and boss of Brahma know that. Possibly Brahma didn't tell his boss?)

Why is he depicted as having ten heads and twenty arms?
There are many stories to that. One story goes that when he was trying to get into the good books of God Shiva, after angering him in trying to lift Mount Kailash, he cut his head and put it at the feet of God Shiva (interestingly this was after he had stored the nectar in his navel so he knew that he wouldn't die anyway - cheeky, I say). God Shiva restored his head to which he did the same thing nine times and that's how he got ten heads. It is also said that through his various penances and skills he was, as a single person, equal to someone with the intellect and strength of ten people - he was ten people in one body and hence the description. The serial on Zee TV talks abut an illusion that is the ten heads. Ravana's father was the great sage Visharava who was also a great inventor. Once as a kid Ravana happened to peep inside his father's hut and saw his father with ten heads. Although being afraid, curiosity got the better of him and he realised that his father had invented a necklace which when worn reflected light and made an illusion of ten heads. Ravana was shrewd and realised the potential of this simple illusion and when he went to battle he would wear the necklace and strike fear in the minds of his opponents.

There are many interpretations of Ravana's ten heads but the one that I think is the best is that each of Ravan's heads stands for one sin:

1. Kama vasana (Lust)
2. Krodha (Anger)
3. Moha (delusoion)
4. Lobha (Greed)
5. Mada (Over Pride)
6. Matsara (Jealousy)
7. Manas (Mind)
8. Buddhi (Intellect)
9. Chitta (will)
10. Ahankara (Ego).

In the end though, Ravana will always be remembered as a villain because of his one mistake of kidnapping the wife of an upstanding leader and then letting ego and pride come in the way to fight Ram all the way losing his family, his friends and his name in the process.

This is what we should learn from the story of Ravana - it takes a long time to build your reputation but a simple inglorious act can destroy it. At the same time, it is never too late to admit one's fault and ego and pride should never come in the way of humility and truth!

Day 39 - बुरी नज़र

One of the first things that you come across when you become a parent (in India at least) is your mother or grandmother putting a small black mark on the baby or making the baby wear a black thread. The idea behind this is to ward off the evil eyes or बुरी नज़र of people. The concept is that when people see your child and say things like 'So cute', 'so beautiful' etc they are also subconsciously or un-intentionally casting their bad thoughts along with that. They are comparing the cuteness of your child with others and unknowingly passing judgement and sending those negative energy to the child. When the negative energy builds up, it makes the child cranky, angry and un-managebale. The child seems to cry for no reason and starts behaving irrationally like not eating. The black thread or the black mark is supposed to ward off these evil eyes and form a shield over the child.

Now, I pride myself on the fact that I am a very scientific guy. I am sure that for most of the things in this word there is a scientific explanation - barring things like ghosts for which I have a simple funda. I believe in ghosts because I don't want to come up against one. So while agreeing to tie the thread or put the black mark, I was also skeptical about this whole grandmother's tale and mumbo-jumbo.

Till I experienced it myself first hand for which I had no scientific explanation to give.

Sometimes the black mark or the thread is not enough and the negative energy build up over the child. When that happens and the child becomes cranky and crying you can also remove the negative energy and discard it by doing a ritual called नज़र ऊतारना (nazar utarna).

Try this at home. Take a handful of dried red chillies, add a dash of mustard seeds to them and some salt. Put this on a gas burner and light it up. Make sure that you have the exhaust fan on at full blast or you have something covering you nose and eyes as the smoke can cause intense coughing. But if this same combination is passed over a child who has the negative energy and then burnt, you can stand there and breathe in the fumes and nothing will happen to you. I though this was complete mumbo-jumbo.

When Ipsi was 9 months old we went with some friends to Ooty. We went to someone's house one day. Ipsi was absolutely fine in the day but in the night when we tried to feed her, she just kept crying. Finally Ani took the red chili + mustard + salt, passed it over Ipsi's body five times and went to the gas. At the same time the old lady of the house took red chilies and salt, passed it over Ipsi's body and threw it outside. As Ani was getting ready to burn the chili we were all ready to cover our noses. Wonder of wonders - not a whiff of the obnoxious smell came from the gas. When the thing was completely burnt, Ipsi stopped crying and ate her food. That was my first experience of नज़र ऊतारना and I became a believer.

Since then I am an advocate of this ritual and keep telling my fiends to do nazar utarna for their kids if they are looking cute in a new dress or if they have just performed somewhere and everyone has sung their praises or just if the kid is cranky. It works just like it did last night too with Tarush. He had been crying for almost one hour before we did this. No smell and just a few minutes later he was asleep.

What is it? What is the explanation for no fumes? How does it work?

I have no scientific explanation for this but it works! Try it!

Day 38 - Health Conscious

I have never been a health conscious person and have never bothered about taking care of my body or my looks. People who know me will vouch for the fact that I am a classic example of a non-looker who has bad skin and dracula teeth. My policy has always been that this is how I am. Like me or love me like this.

Over the years I have gone through some pretty horrific experiences of regular illnesses. My immune system, if it exists, has a tendency of taking an illness to its extreme. I remember getting malaria when I was a kid and I needed five razai (thick bedcovers) to stop me from shivering. I got chicken pox that left pock marks all over my body. When the world got mumps in one cheek, I got in both so my mouth was closed for a duration of 7 days. Some say that's a good thing...at least they didn't have to hear my voice! ;)

I was always a thin and lanky chap growing up. Across my eduction years and to some extent even when I started working, I was like a scarecrow with some skin thrown on top.

My 'growth' started only post my engagement to Ani when my mother-in-law decided to 'fatten' me up. Since then its been a 'paunchy' wide with my paunch growing from a small cycle tyre to a full fledged truck tyre that it is today. But I still did not bother too much about my health and was always of the opinion that you should enjoy eating. After all you only live once!

At the other extreme is a close friend of mine who is very health conscious. If you look at her today you will never be able to say that she is a mother of a 3 year old kid. Dressed in jeans and a top she can easily pass off as a teenager going to college. When we go out for lunches, she is very keen to ensure that she does not over-eat, eats properly and has 'health' food. I've usually made fun of her but at the same time envied her a lot.

My wake-up call came a few months back when I went for my company sponsored Annual Health check up. Till then I was always arrogant that I have had good health and my BMI is normal. The health check up threw up two things - by BMI, I was marginally obese and I had marginal cholesterol. This added to my fear that I spoke about on Day 13 was enough to trigger something in me. I still dilly-dallied for a few months.

Well......I've recently joined the band of health conscious people. I've joined a gym recently on a weight loss program and my target is to loose 10 Kgs by Nov end (incidentally, just in time for my 'health conscious' friend's birthday) and get back into the non-obese category. Its been 20 odd days now and I have been regular to the gym and have been following a strict diet plan. Its tough, especially after so many years of not caring and eating whatever is good to taste. I've had to cut down on food intake, spread my meals, give up fried and sweets and do a daily dose of gym or cardio. So far I've survived. The test will be to see if I can continue this for the next few months, loose the weight and then have the discipline to continue it for a life time. Temptations will be there but the willpower and motivation to live long healthily, beyond may family and friend is there.

Will I make it? Will I meet my target? We will circle back in December end to this post.

Wish me luck! And welcome me to the health conscious club!

Day 37 - My money, can I spend it the way I want?

There is a huge media coverage currently in India on the Austerity Drive being run by the UPA government in place. The political party in power suddenly seems to have woken up to the fact that the economy is not in a good shape while at the same time their ministers are spending on staying in 5 star hotels and traveling business class. The whole party suddenly seems to want to travel economy class in air or in a train or stay at regular guest houses.

The opposition party, of course, is calling it a complete sham (as expected) and calling it a symbol of hypocrisy. But that's expected from them. As was the fact that they raised a furor on Shahsi Tharoor's simple tweet about the austerity drive. Tharoor should have realised that politicians in India do not have a sense of humor and are always looking for chinks in the opposition party's politician's armor. But that's a different blog!

Here's some of the UPA government's largese on austerity:

• Sonia Gandhi travels economy class on domestic journey.
• Rahul Gandhi travels by train (Shatabdi).
• Pranab Mukherjee travels by economy class.
• SM Krishna & Tharoor vacate 5 star hotels.
• SM Krishna shuns his private jet and travels regular airlines.
• Somnath Chatterjee asks for his security to be removed.
• ................and I am sure there are many more that will come up in the next few days.

Is this a good thing? Absolutely......its good that our politicians will travel the same way that we do. Its good that the government money is being spent on austere measures and not on extravagant spend.

But what if it is my own money? What if I am trying to spend my own money? Should I be austere as well in these times?

I am of the opposite opinion.

If I am spending my own hard earned money, then nobody has the right to question me or comment on how I am spending that money. I have worked a large portion of my life, and will continue to work, to earn money and to ensure that I am able to give myself and my family a safe and happy life that they deserve or that they wish for. If I can afford to buy a house and furnish it with the best things, if I can afford to have a swanky car to drive around and if I can afford to travel business class on my own hard earned money, then why should I be required to justify that spend? After all I have worked and contributed to society to earn that money!

Socialists will mention that we don't need all those material things and by traveling by train instead of business class, the money saved can be contributed for a better good of society. My response to that is that I work so hard so that I get to a place where I can afford these things. Why should I deny myself the pleasure of material comforts when I have worked for them?

In my world austerity for government is good as they are spending the country's money. But at a personal level, I am all for capitalism.

I work hard, I earn money.....if I can afford it, I will spend!

Day 36 - ममता और बापता

A lot is always said of a mother's love for a child। A mother is always connected to the child and children will always go to their mother for advice first. A mother feels the pain of the child and knows instinctively when the child is in trouble or when the child is happy

And all that is true but I also think that the world is unfair on fathers. No one ever talks about a father's love for his child. Or at least very few do. So here are my two bits about it.

For mothers its easy to feel love for their child. They bear the child, they grow (if that's the right word) child, they nurture the child and they feel connected to the child for nine months inside them. Its like getting a 100 mtr head start in a 400 mtr race. As the child grows in them, they feel the first heart beats, they feel the first kicks and they get to know what the child likes and dislikes though the child's reactions inside them. There is little wonder then that the mother knows her child better than anyone else. When the child is born there is another, at least 4 - 5 months, of dependency on the mother. The mother feeds it and rears it with its own milk making the child healthier. The baby gets to feel the warmth of the mother and gets to hear the mother's voice at all times. So even when the race starts the mother has already pulled ahead another 100 mtrs in the baby's mind. From -9 to +4, that's almost 13 months, the baby knows, understands and feels only the mother.

Let's go to the other side now. As a father we really have no contribution to make after the baby is conceived. Our job is done and we have nothing to say in the matter of the baby. All we have to do now is ensure that the mother is happy. Yes, we do feel the baby's kicks but really those are few and far in between - nothing as compared to the constant feeling that the mother has. We can talk to the baby but even those times are limited as we are at work far away from the baby as he/she is growing up in the womb. The baby has already formed a relationship of voice and kicks with the mother and the baby doesn't even know who we are. When the baby is born, again we have no contribution to make other than maybe put the baby to bed when it been fed by the mother. We are at work while the mother is forming an even stronger bond with the baby. We, fathers, have to work at forming a relationship with our own baby.

While the mother has already formed a strong relationship with the baby due to proximity and need, we have to work extra hard to form that relationship and make the baby realise that we are an integral part of their lives as well. The toughest part is that as men we are not used to this. We are basically a lazy part of the homosapien species (or at least we have become now - the cavemen used to hunt so couldn't have been that lazy) and its in our basic firmware to shirk responsibility. Leave us to our devices and we will not do any work. Its only a few of us who really like to clean and swab and wash and do all those nice things. So it really does take a lot of effort from our side to form that relationship with our kids. We have to work at it and while it takes time, it also makes us feel insecure. I mean, why should we need to work at forming a relationship with our own children? But we do and that's the reality.

So my advice to all the new mothers out there is to involve your husbands in the process of child bearing. Let them hold the child from the beginning. Let them feel the fragility of the child and marvel at the fact when their tiny hand curl around our big finger. Let the fathers feed the child and clean the child and let the child form a relationship with their father. Leave the child and the father alne sometimes and let them deal with each other.

Most importantly realise that we have to make an effort while you do not. So give us that respect and treat us well when we try our best to form the relationship.

In the long run, that is what will help the family! ममता भगवन की देन है , बापता बनानी पड़ती है !

Day 35 - Birthdays: Worst and Best!

We recently hosted a surprise 75th birthday party for my father-in-law.

The entire family was around him and more importantly his close friends had been invited as well. I refered to that in my blog post of Day 27 (Family but not Family) .

While my FIL is not given to emotions, I think from his surprised look we were fairly confident that he had a good time and liked what we did.


But this got me thinking about birthdays. Birthdays are important days for us, aren't they? Irrespective of what age we reach. Its always fun to get wishes from everyone and in today's world with Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites, birthdays becomes days when you feel loved and wanted. You get to see so many wishes from everyone that its absolute fun. But of course the best wishes come from your family and closest friends. Across many years now, I have always received a hard copy card in the post from my parents for my birthday and I look forward to it. But once in a while comes across a birthday which turns out to be not so good.

Here are my two WORST and two BEST birthdays.

WORST
1994: I was in Mumbai staying with my cousin and between jobs. On my birthday I was all alone. My cousin brother and his family didn't remember my birthday and probably didn't care. Remember these were days with no cell phones and so I didn't get a call from my parents either. I actually searched the telephone directory and found the number of a long lost friend who I called, spoke to and just happened to mention that it was my birthday just so someone could wish me on that day. That was probably the worst birthday that I had as I left quite lonely.

2006: It was like any other birthday. I got wishes from my family, a cute card from my daughter, parents and sister called and wishes me and so did some friends. So why do I call this as one of my worst? Because the one close friend who I thought very highly of forgot my birthday and did not call me at all. I waited and waited for her call but nothing. The fact that she did not call me cast a shadow on all the beautiful things that others had done and that's the reason I categorise this as one of my worst birthdays. In my view, good friends are supposed to remember friends birthdays. Of course, its a different perspective that a few months later and even bigger storm was to hit our friendship, but that's a different blog.

BEST
1980 or around that time: I must have been 8 or 10 years old and I wanted a cycle very badly. So as my birthday approached I started asking my parents for a cycle for myself. I promised I would take care of it and ride it everyday. I was almost convinced that I would get the cycle on my birthday and waited eagerly for the day to come. Come the day and there was no cycle. I waited, went to school, came back, cut the cake and still no cycle. I asked my parents and they said that they are not getting a cycle for me as it is too expensive. That's when I could not take it and started crying and bawling. My Dad decided to take me out (it was almost night and quite dark) to calm me down and explain things to me. I went along quite depressed. We reached the main road and my Dad kept looking up and down the road. Suddenly (like in the movies) I see a red cycle being ridden and coming close to my Dad. He thanks the person and says here's your surprise. It was all a drama to surprise me and that was the best birthday of my short life till then. I thanked my parents profusely, hugged them, kissed them and loved my cycle. I still remember that day.

2009: Yes...this year's birthday was one of the best birthdays of my life. I was in Singapore and returned a day before to a party at my house with family friends. But that was the expected one. As the clock turned midnight they all wished me, had dinner and started to leave. We decided to meet later in the evening for the actual birthday party. That evening my wife prepared some good food, got dressed and sat with me. I was wondering why she was dressed so well for our regular family friends coming home but then thought that maybe coz it was my birthday. I was relatively sloppily dressed. The bell rang and I opened the door to the biggest surprise of the day. There standing at the door were my two closest friends with their family and the third one was on her way. This was the group of three that I love very much. These are my closest friends and not necessarily my wife's. She had taken the effort to call them, invite them, ensure that it was a surprise, told our family friends to go along when I said that we'll see them that evening and set this whole birthday party for me. WOW.....that was something and I loved her even more!

So these are my two worst and best birthdays till date.

What are yours?

Day 34 - Spin Offs

I blogged about my fascination for 'all things space' in my last blog post. When I was growing up {not that I've stopped growing now ;) } I used to have these conversations with my Dad where he would chide me for my 'love' of space efforts. I would follow closely the shuttle launches and the activities of the astronauts. I loved the fact that we had started work on the ISS and would look out for the images from Hubble telescope whenever the newspapers carried them.

The discussions with my Dad would typically center around the fact that billions of dollars were being spent on these frivolous space antics while the same money can be used to do so much more on Earth. He would always question what good does this space research serve to humanity. At that time I usually did not have an answer for him.

Over the years this question has bothered me too and I have tried to find out the practical uses of space technology. Has the billions of dollars spent on space research and travel contributed anything to us living presently on earth?

Well, Dad......it has!! A lot of things that we use today in our daily lives and take for granted have actually come from space research.

Here are some:

• Invisible Braces: Dental braces that are almost invisible but serve the purpose were developed by Unitek using TPA which was developed in conjunction with NASA Advanced Ceramics Research Division. TPA is strong enough to withstand use and is translucent, making it a prime material for invisible braces. Because of their instant popularity, invisible braces are one of the most successful products in the orthodontic industry.

• Scratch Resistant Lenses: Spectacles that you use today are usually made of plastic so that they don't shatter when they fall. But plastic scratches easily, doesn't it? So how come your spectacles don't? The answer is again NASA. Because of dirt and particles found in space environments, NASA needed a special coating to protect space equipment, particularly astronaut helmet visors. Recognizing an opportunity, the Foster-Grant sunglasses manufacturer licensed the NASA technology for its products. The special plastics coating made its sunglasses ten times more scratch-resistant than uncoated plastics.

• Memory Foam: Do you feel comfortable on your bike seat or when you sleep on your mattress at night? NASA ­helps some people sleep better at night. Temper foam found in Tempurpedic brand mattresses and similar brands was originally developed for space flight and later repackaged for the home. The open cell polyurethane-silicon plastic was created for use in NASA aircraft seats to lessen impact during landings. The plastic has a unique property that allows it to evenly distribute the weight and pressure on top of it, which provides shock absorbency. Even after being compressed to 10 percent of its size, the memory foam will return to its original shape .

• Ear Thermometer: Ever wondered where the ear thermometer that you use to measure your kid's temperature was invented? Who thought of it and how does it measure temperature when it does have mercury? Diatek, which developed the first of these kinds of thermometers, took advantage of NASA's previous advancements in measuring the temperature of stars with infrared technology. Together with NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab, the company invented an infrared sensor that serves as the thermometer. Aural thermometers with these infrared sensors take your temperature by measuring the amount of energy your eardrum gives off into the ear canal. Since the eardrum is inside our bodies, it acts as an accurate sensor for the energy, or heat, inside of our bodies that increases when we get sick.

• Shoe Insoles: The spring in your step when you wear athletic shoes may literally come from NASA's technology for astronauts who went to the moon. The space suit designed for the Apollo missions included specially-made boots that put a spring in astronaut's steps while providing ventilation. Athletic shoe companies have taken this technology and adopted it to construct better shoes that lessen the impact on your feet and legs. In the mid-1980s, shoe company KangaROOS USA applied the principles and materials in moon boots to a new line of athletic shoes. With help from NASA, KangaROOS patented a Dynacoil three-dimensional polyurethane foam fabric that distributes the force on your feet that happens when you walk or run [source: NASA Science and Technology Information]. By coiling the fibers within the fabric, the KangaROOS absorb the energy from your foot hitting the ground, rebounding it back to your feet.

• Long distance telecommunications: Oh, by the way the phone call that you make to your cousin or aunt in US is thanks to the technology that NASA developed over decades. Before humans were sent into space, NASA built satellites that could communicate with people on the ground about what outer space was like. Using similar satellite technology, around 200 communication satellites orbit the globe each day.

• Water Filters: An everyday thing like the water filter that you use actually comes from space research technology. Cool, isn't it? The ability to convert contaminated water to pure water is an incredibly important scientific achievement.Astronauts needed a way to cleanse water they take up into space, since bacteria and sickness would be highly problematic. NASA wanted to know how to clean water in more extreme situations and keep it clean for longer periods of time.
  
  If you look at a water filter, you can usually detect small chunks of charcoal inside of them. Sometimes, when you first use a water filter, you'll even notice tiny black flecks from those chunks. This charcoal is specially activated and contains silver ions that neutralize pathogens in the water. Along with killing bacteria in the water, the filters also prevent further bacterial growth. Companies have borrowed from this same technology to bring us the water filter systems millions of people use at home every day.

There are many more such technology innovations in daily life that have come from space research - cordless tools, Firefighter suits, Battery that drives the electric car, the new swimming costumes that are breaking records and many more. You can read about them at the NASA's Spinoff site.

So, hey Dad........space technology investment is not really a waste of money!! Phew!

Day 33 - My fascination for space

Since I was in the 6th or 7th standard I have always been fascinated by space and its limitless potential. I moved from Ahmedabad to Mumbai in the 6th standard and joined school mid-way. A group of friends used to discuss Kepler's laws and Saturn's rings and I could not join in the conversation. So I started to read up about them and got hooked for life. I went back and told them about the gaps in Saturn's rings and from them on I was hooked to the stars.

As I grew older my fascination grew for space travel and its potential to free human race from the Earth. In this fertile environment came STAR WARS from George Lucas. Imagine a 9 year old boy who is just discovering space and liking it, sitting inside a theater and seeing his imagination come to life. Space travel, fights, aliens of different kinds, humans.......WOW......and in all that such imaginative characters as Darth Vader and Jabba the Hutt! Star Wars laid the foundation of my scifi fascination. Even today I am a huge kid when it comes to Star Wars and all my friends and family know that.

I have dragged my friends to Star Wars movies where they have rolled their eyes while I have been engrossed in the movie. In fact when Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith was premiered in India and I had the tickets, my wife could not come with me. So I called up a friend and I told her that I can take you to this movie but you have to understand that I may not talk to you when the movie is going on and I may potentially ignore you completely. I had goose bumps when Anakin Skywalker finally becomes Darth Vader.

In my workplace a small corner of my desk is occupied by the characters of Star Wars and this will only grow.

This fascination was also fueled by TV series like Star Trek at an early age and then Farscape later on.

The next logical step was books and Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke gave wings to my imagination. I still call them my gurus. While Asimov's Foundation and Robot series painted the life opera and the fight of good-v/s-evil on a galactic canvas, Clarke's Odessey and Rama series raised ethical questions about humans and aliens. I loved (and still do) them immensely and even today will pick up scifi book over any other.

My fascination is such that three of my '10 things to do before I die' have something to do with space!

You may call it an escapist thing or you may label it as a dream to break free, but for me space and space travel is about the immense potential for human life to go beyond the 'cradle' of Earth and explore this huge galaxy and universe that has been given to us. I find it absolutely impossible that we are in this obscure corner of this lonely galaxy and that we are the only intelligent beings in the universe.

Skeptics say that we have not found any inkling of intelligent life out there in the universe. But this is similar to us being a small tribe in the deepest jungles of Amazon and thinking that we are the only ones when just a few thousand Kms away there are skyscrapers, neon lights and technology far beyond our imagination. We just need to find the path that will lead us from the deepest Amazon jungle to a village nearby and from them to a city and a town and the capital of the country. What the Amazon tribes count in footsteps, we count in light years.

Its just a matter of time!!

Day 32 - Communication Etiquette

Communication has always been an essential part of being human. We 'seem' to better than the rest of the animal life on this planet because of our ability to communicate complex thoughts and things to each other.

But communication also needs to be a two-way thing. I am not going to espouse about communication techniques here but rather what I believe should be the basic etiquette for communication in these times. Today we are all connected to each other through multiple means, other than face-to-face talking, like emails, phone calls, sms and social media.

Unlike earlier times when a delay or lag in replying to a communication was an accepted thing, in today's world we are all connected instantaneously and hence there should be certain rules of replies.

Here are my rules of basic communication etiquette - from a reply side. You may or may not believe in the same things:

1. Always reply to any form of communication from family and friends.
2. Always reply to solicited communication from business associates.
3. If you do not wish to be disturbed at some point of the day on your phone, switch it off.
   
4. If you have a missed call on your phone because you could not pick up the call, call the person back within a reasonable time.
5. If you missed a call because you were talking to someone else and your line was busy, call the person back as basic courtesy.
6. If you get a sms from someone as a conversation piece, reply to the sms in reasonable time. This does not apply to jokes or chain sms.
7. If you commit to a person that you will call them back, do not keep them hanging waiting for your call. Basic etiquette requires that you have to call them back at the time you mentioned or within a reasonable time, as you committed to the same.
   
8. If you get an email directly marked to you that needs your response, reply back within the day. This does not apply to emails which come to you for your information or as a 'cc'.
9. Rule 8 also applies to emails from your friends although this could take slightly lesser priority during business hours.
   
10. Remember communication is a two way street - it works only if you reply and maintain basic courtesy.

It irks me when some of my closest friends - friends that I love immensely - do not seem to follow these basic rules. I try to follow them and abide by them at least 95% of the times and my aim is to ensure that I abide by them 100%.

Do you agree with these rules? And do you abide by them?

Day 31 - Business Travel

The grass is always greener on the other side - a saying that usually comes true in some form or another at some stage of your life. I believe that it is never more truer than with respect to traveling out of your country on business.

When one is young and just starting a job, one always feels envious of the 'seniors' who get to travel all over the world on work. What could be more fun? You get to go to different places, the travel and stay is free and you just have to do some work when there. Without spending any money on the expensive things like travel and stay, you get to see many new places and cities of the world. The first trip is always very exciting. As the day comes closer you have mixed feelings - you are excited about going to a new place and at the same time a bit worried about how you will tackle the place. Its usually fun when you are young and for the first few times or at least the first time to a new place.

Then as the 'foreign' travel increases you start to dread the same. Even if the travel and stay is free, who would want to sit in a cramped aircraft for umpteen hours, bear the ridiculous late night flight times from India, eat the 'bad' food and suffer jet lag when you get to your location. Not to consider the fact that you need to work there and will probably have no time to roam the city.

If you are like me the business travels become even more difficult. I am not a great fan of roaming a new city all alone, unlike my Dad. My Dad will land in a new place and use the hotel room only to sleep. He gets out and roams the city taking in the museums and the sights and sounds using the local transport. He doesn't know how the tube or the bus service works but will still experiment and see the city. I, on the other hand, dread the fact that I may have to use the local transport. I fear that I may get lost in a new city and I don't like to experiment. And this is more true if I don't have any company.

On a business travel, I hate the fact that I have to go away from my family and friends. I have to stay alone in a hotel room. If I don't have any company I usually stay put in the room alone and go to office and back. I tend to miss my family and friends and the safe comfort feeling of my country and my people. I fear the fact that if I use the local transport, I may not know how to get back and may get lost. So in a new city, if I don't have company, I will travel from the hotel to the places of interest by cab even if it is expensive. I will try to see the places but end up spending more money than if I would have just taken the great local transport system.

I write this as I sit at the Hong Kong airport waiting for my flight to get back home to Bangalore. And I did exactly that. Last time I was here, I saw the Victoria Peak and the Symphony of Lights but went everywhere by cab as I was alone. This time I visited the Temple Street Night Market and that too all thanks to my friend Eunice Lim who had also come for the same meeting from Singapore. If she was not there, I would have stayed put in the room.

I envy my Dad who is able to roam the city all alone using the local transport and experiment all by himself. For me the grass is greener on the other side and I enjoy a family travel more than a business travel at any time.

But at the same time, I still want to do new places and experience new things.

What a dichotomy!

Day 30 - L.I.FE: Anatomy of a Group

I've been lucky enough to have been a part of two groups in my life till date. By groups I don't mean music bands or hobby / activity groups or any such sort, I mean group of friends.

You will notice in your life that usually its a friend circle or group of friends that you are a part of. This is true when you are in school, college or work life. A few common people come together and sub consciously form a group that seems to start 'hanging out' together. Soon this group becomes something that you look forward to. This is different from my post on 'Family but not Family' of a few days back.

So as I said, I've been lucky enough to be a part of at least two groups that are very close to my heart. In fact that 'group of friends' still exists though in one instance we may be thousands of miles apart.

As I think about my group of friends, I realise that every group seems to have a set pattern and you can actually classify people in the group into certain brackets or types. These are, of course, my thoughts and you may have differ from them. But by and large people / friends in a group can be classified into L.I.FE - not withstanding the fact that a group does need life to make it!

Late Latif: This is the person who is perennially late to any meeting. You tell the person that we will meet at 2:00pm and you will realise that while all the others are there, this person will be having a bath in their house at 1:45 and will say that they will be there by 2. Usually they land up for the meeting by 2:30. Over a period of time you start accounting for their delay and adjust your meeting time accordingly. If you have to meet at 3, you tell everyone 2:30 knowing that all others will account for the delay and surprisingly will land up by 3. Of course, the flip side is that the punctual person will land up always on time and have to wait for the Late Latif!

The fun is that we love them for that and have a good laugh everytime we meet.

Intermittent: These are the people in the group about whom you are never sure. Are they a part of the group or are they just there for some time? These people seem to come in and go out of the group from time to time. To the other members it seems as if this person is not 'dedicated' to the group. While the rest of the gang will try to ensure that the group stays alive, you feel as if it doesn't make much difference to the 'Intermittent' person if the group survives or not. They will just drift from one group to the next.

The truth may be that these people are afraid to show their emotions but feel as stringly about the group as the next person.

Fun loving & Energetic: Now these are the core of the group. These are the people for whom it is imperitive that the group survive and they will try anything to ensure that the group meets and has fun. These are usually the people in the group who will send emails, make calls and keep in touch with everyone else. They enthuse a lot of energy into the group and make it fun to meet. They will get the others to decide on the venue, time and date so that the group meets. They will try to keep a balance in the group and make sure that everyone is talking to each other. They show empathy with others and try to bring out the issues and solve them. I would call them the 'bamboo' that holds the 'tamboo' in place.

But for any group to form you need all sorts of people. If everyone is the same, the group will not form.

I believe that L.I.FE form a group.

I can identify the L.I.FE members in my groups. Can you in yours?

Day 29 - Father Son, A changing dynamic

My Daddy Strongest - that's the tagline of one of the ads in India and it in a way symbolises what all of us believe when we are young. At different stages of our lives our Dads play different roles and hold different positions for us.

When we are young, its 'My Daddy Strongest'
When we are teenagers, its 'My Daddy does not understand'
When we start working, its 'My Daddy gives advice'
When we become slightly successful, its 'My Daddy is old in his thoughts'
When we have our kids, its 'My Daddy cutest, as a grandfather'
When we bring up our kids, its 'My Daddy must be emulated'
When our dad becomes old, its 'My Daddy bestest'!

Along this whole journey for most of the part, we go to our Dad for advice, help and support. When we come up against something at work or need help on financial matters we seek out our Dads. Usually Dad is a pillar of strength who brings home the money, takes care of us and ensures that we are all safe.

As we grow older, the roles of the care-giver and the care-taker sometimes change. You need to start taking care of your Dad as he grows older and you realise that he needs support and help as well. This usually happens towards the twilight years of his life of if he goes through a physical trauma at some time. But sometimes the father-son relationship can take a very interesting and nice turn.

I've had an interesting relationship with my Dad over the last few years. For most part of my life, to me my Dad was someone who was super intelligent and took care of us making sure that we did not come to harm. He taught me maths and made me love the subject, he supported me in my decisions, he stood by me when I went through some bad times and he was the pillar of strength. While my Mom was the emotional one, my Dad was someone who I could go to to have a rational conversation. His only weak point seemed to be my Mom.

Then a few years back the relationship started to change. My Dad seemed to start showing his emotional side and started expressing his love and affection for us. My sister and me were a little taken aback initially but then realised that all these years he had probably suppressed these emotions. It was interesting to see him coming in touch with his emotional side and expressing that openly.

For me, two incidents shifted our relationship into a completely different plane and change the dynamics of our father-son relationship. First, he retired after serving in one organisation all his working life. Second, he had a surgery and this for a person who had not been to a hospital all his life. Combined, these two things changed our perspectives towards each other.

I've touched upon the surgery's affect on me in my Day 25 blog post but his perspective on me seemed to change as well.

When he retired he started getting offers from organisations to consult to them in the field of Oil & Gas. My Dad is one of the best people in the field of Geology and one of the architects of Indian government's NELP program which is into its eight year now. As he started getting these offers, he started calling me to seek advice on how to deal with the 'corporates' that were calling him. How to present and how to negotiate with them on his consulting fees were some of the questions that he posed to me. His point being that he had always worked in a government organisation while I had always been in a corporate environment and hence would know better than him on how to deal with the 'corporate' guys. It was interesting for me to see that he was open to seeking advice from his son. He is open about telling me that he is going to an interview and we discuss about how he should pitch himself, what he should discuss, how much he should ask for, how he should negotiate and how he should position himself.

I have tremendous respect for my Dad when he does that. With those simple gestures he passes on a message to me that he respects me for what I have achieved, values my perspective and perceives me as a mature individual. He has also taught me that it is never too late to learn and definitely nothing to be ashamed of learning from someone younger to you. A lesson I must remember.

While he does have his quirks and idiosyncrasies, for me today its definitely 'My Daddy bestest'!