Day 52 - Love and Comfort

A few days back we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. Time flies. Sometimes it feels like yesterday that I was wooing Ani in Delhi and now its 11 years since we got married.

While I was talking to my friends about the 11th anniversary a very pertinent question was raised by someone who is not yet married. Like everyone else she asked as well as to what I had given her for the anniversary and then proceeded to talk about how much love I have for her because I gave a gift. I jokingly replied that in 11 years there is no love, only comfort feeling now. But this got me thinking: Is there love now and what is the state of that love?

Love can have different meaning at different points of your life. An of course there are different types of love as well. But let's not get into that in this post. Let's focus on a love between a husband and wife.

Even in a long-term relationship of this nature (at least long term in India) the nature of love can vary across the years. When you get married the 'love' factor is very high. You feel for your partner a lot and want to show that in emotional and physical manner. Of course the lust factor is there as well. ;-)

As the relationship gets older one tends to get caught in the daily grind and love seems to take a back seat. It is at this time that the real test of the relationship takes place. As you start living the daily life, the truth of compromises and adjustments strikes and you need to attain a good balance. Love seems to get lost and 'arguments' in terms of what one can or should do come to the fore.

But once you cross this part of the married life is when the best years begin. In my opinion this usually happens either after the first 5-6 years or after the first child turns 2. This is the time when love becomes like the background noise of the universe. Its there and has always been there but you can't see it or hear it. If you ask Radio astronomers they will tell you that the background noise of the universe is omnipresent. About 8 years into a marriage, love becomes like that. Its there but there is no need to show it at all times. The compatibility of the partners has been set and a kind of comfort factor comes in. You tend to understand each other and can almost complete each others thoughts and sentences.

I think I've come to that level in my marriage. After 11 years we almost understand each other and know what the other will think on a particular action of ours. We're comfortable with each other's presence, thoughts and actions. Love is there but it is coloured in the colour of comfort now.

What happens to this comfort factor as the marriage becomes older? I don't know......but lets re-visit that in a few years time.

Keep watching this space.