Day 67 - 2009 in retrospect

As another year comes to an end, media everywhere will be playing 'The Year That Was' and reliving the good and not-so-good times of the year. As we read them we tend to agree or disagree with them and start to form our own opinions. Debates and discussions will range on some topics among friends and new thoughts will gather.

But really the feeling of how the year-that-went was is a personal one. Global events have some impact on what we feel but mostly we would remember or forget the year based on what happened to us.For some it'll be a momentous year that they will never forget while for others it will be a year that they hope they never have to re-live. Today we will all retrospect on how it was for us - moments of happiness, sadness, grief, elation, joy and mix of all feelings. Maybe a new love or a new job or a heartbreak or losing someone - so many things happen across 365 days of a year and across 31,449,600 seconds.

Allow me that liberty of talking about my year as well. You, of course, may not be interested. But if you are.....read on!

2009 started off as a scary year. Businesses were not doing well, economy was looking down and at Citrix we had just announced a 10% workforce layoff. I was thankful to God for saving my and my wife's jobs as we saw some of our colleagues being asked to leave. That was a period of mixed emotions - sad at seeing friends go but happy that we had our jobs intact. One didn't know whether to feel happy or sad.

A change of guard happened at work mid way through the year. The person at the helm of marketing in Asia Pacific changed. With a new leader comes new thinking and new ways of doing things. The job profile changed and towards the latter part of the year even my reporting structure changed. I am still waiting to see if that was a good thing or bad. I guess 2010 will show the true colours in that space. But a good thing also happened with me handling a new region and learning new things. Its always good to take up a challenge that will teach you new things and stretch you a bit. The year has ended on an interesting note work wise and I'm looking forward to 2010.

Tarush started school and that was a momentous thing. He went through his three stages and settled down into school. He had his friends, became much more communicative and interactive, had his cultural programs and seems to be enjoying school. Playschool made him more independent. Today he is a lovable brat who says the cutest things and makes us laugh. Ipsi started her steps towards becoming a teenager and trying to step out of being a girl. This year was a year of shadows for her as she is stuck between cartoons and Hannah Montana - being a kid and becoming a girl. Her questions have started becoming intelligent and yet she retains the innocence that I like.

My friendships became stronger and I thank God that I did not loose any friends. One particular friendship - with Sowmya - became stronger in 2009 and that has made me happy and thankful to God. I pray that that continues into 2010. The GMC had regular meetings and we gossiped a lot. Its my bedrock and I look forward to 2010 with them. The year ended on a high note with me touching base with a friend that I lost touch with twenty years back. That was awesome. Friends that matter most to me remained my friends.

My family remained healthy and strong and prosperous. My parents health was good as was my sister's. My wife and me fought, bickered and loved - like any couple married for 11 years. She threw me a surprise birthday party that blew me away. Our kids forged stronger bonds with their cousins as we hosted our nephews for one month. Then my brother and sister-in-law followed and we had a good time. My parents bought a house, we did some investments, changed furniture, had holidays and were in generally good health.

But the year also bought one of the saddest moments of my life till date. 3rd October 4.30am is not a date or time that I'm likely to forget anytime soon. We heard the news of Gina's passing and the next few days were tears and sadness. GINA is a gap that will be felt very acutely.

I started blogging and have been at it for 5-1/2 months now. 68 blogs in 155 days is not a great achievement but I'm proud of it. Proud of the fact that its not a diary of my daily minute-to-minute happenings but really a collection of my thoughts on varied subjects. I have some readers like you and I Thank You for it.

But the biggest achievement for me in 2010 was the fact that I started exercising. I've lost 8 Kgs in 4 months, lost couple of inches and feeling fitter and better. I'm loving the fact that I can fit into my old wardrobe and the compliments that are coming my way. Thanks to my sister and Ani for teasing me, pushing me, goading me to loose weight and to Ani and Sowmya for being an inspiration for it.

In the end 2009 has been a decent year of its ups and downs and I'm glad that I've crossed that sea with more bouquets and less scars.

Wonder what the blog post of last day of 2010 will say! Here we come!

Day 66 - Tirupati Balaji and money!

I recently visited Tirupati for my annual pilgrimage of Lord Balaji.I've been doing this for about 10+ years now. Every year I thank Him for everything and ask his blessings for the next year.

Tirupati Tirumala Balaji is the second richest religious place in the world, after Vatican. It is visited on an average by over 20 million people each year. Each of them contribute some amount of money to the hundi. On an average TTD - Tirumala Tirupathi Devasthanams - the body that manages and runs the temple collects Rs 35 Cr each month from the hundi alone. That makes it approx Rs. 420 Cr + each year or US$ 84 million each year. The main temple is plated with gold. Business men have been known to donate diamonds and gold freely to the Lord. Vijay Mallya takes every new aircraft added in Kingfisher Airlines to Tirupati for a puja before it flies. He has recently announced that he will plate all 16 doors of the main temple with gold. The hundi has seen donations varying from a bag of coins to shower of diamonds to a gold plated fully functional camera and many odd things. Whatever is dropped in the hundi belongs to the Lord and the Lord asked for it. A myth goes that a mother propped up her small child to drop some coins into the hundi, inadvertently the child fell in. He was not returned to the mother as the priests said that the Lord wanted the child and they will bring him up.

Why am I saying all this? Because I always hear this sarcastic comment from people that Lord Balaji is all about money without knowing the background to it. Do you say this as well? In that case, its time to read this.

As you are aware the Hindu scripture defines four yugas through which the world cycles - Satya Yuga, Treta Yuga, Dvapara Yuga and Kali Yuga. We are currently in the Kali Yuga or Kaliyug. The Kali Yuga will traditionally last for 432,000 years. We've just about started it. Some attributes of Kali Yuga are quite evident today.

I suggest you read the Story of Lord Balaji to get a better picture. I will, however, focus on the money aspect. If you read the story you will realise that Lord Vishnu incarnated Himself as Venkateswara and came to earth in search of Lakshmi, who had taken birth as Princess Alamelu (Padmavati) in the household of Akasa Raju. The princess's father agreed to give his daughter's hand in marriage to Venkateswara if he provided proof of his wealth. Towards this end, Venkateswara obtained a heavy loan from Kubera, the God of Wealth,at a very heavy interest rate. And therein lies the key to the story of the hundi and people putting money into it.

According to Vishnupuran, Lord Venkateshwara will continue to pay Kuber the loan till the end of Kali Yuga. As devotees our contributions to the hundi are a part of the loan that he is paying off to Kuber. In return for the money that we give Him, he agrees to grant our wishes and requests. Hence the key of Tirupati being that devotees ask for something from Lord Balaji and pledge money in return. Most of the devotees collect the money across the time frame and come to drop the same into the hundi after the fulfillment of the wish or request. Lord Balaji is not about money. Lord Balaji is about fulfilling your wishes and requesting money to pay off the heavy loan that he has taken.

So next time you go to Tirupati, don't scorn at the fact that so much money is being dropped into the hundi. Rather remember that you are helping the Lord to pay off his debt and in return the Lord will make all efforts to fulfill your request. Its a matter of give-and-take with the Lord. Don't feel bad if you have asked something from the Lord. Rather remember that if he grants the wish, you better keep your side of the bargain as well.

Day 65 - Thank You God

An award speech invariably begins with 'Thank You God' - at least in US. Then,of course, there is the prayer that is taught to our children - Thank you for the world so sweet, Thank you for the food we eat, Thank you for the birds that sing, Thank you God for everything.

Have you ever thought about how many times you have Thanked God and on what occasions? If you put your mind to it you will realise that most of the times we end up thanking God when good things happen in our lives. An award, a promotion, a relationship going our way, things that we wanted to happen and so on. Have you ever thanked God for something that did not happen according to your wish? I think not.

I think it stems from the fact that we Thank someone when a good thing happens and blame someone when a bad thing happens. If you take that logic then we should be blaming God for everything that goes wrong. Ideally we should but then the basic concept of God is that He / She is all knowing and all powerful. You don't want to make an All Powerful being angry and so we blame ourselves for all wrongs and thank Him for all rights. Why does God have to get all the credit whenever something good happens? He doesn't take the shit when something bad happens? We have to take that!

Don't get me wrong.....I'm not an atheist. In fact I am a religious man and pray daily to Him. I thank him for everything that has happened in my life - good or bad - and ask Him to look after me and my family. I worry about losing my religion and not being able to pass on these values to my children. But at the same time, I do wonder if I can get away with blaming Him for something bad in my life. The problem is that you don't want to take that risk with Him! You don't want to anger Him and face his wrath. Neither do I! In fact I blogged about the situation where if things happen according to your wishes its good but even better if they don't happen according to you wishes on day 20 of my blog.

So as 2009 comes to a close, I Thank God for everything that has happened in my life this year - good and bad - and ask Him to look after me, my family and ones I love for next year as well!

THANK YOU GOD!

Day 64 - Imagination

James Cameroon's latest movie 'AVATAR' has just released in India. Being a huge sci-fi fan I am excited by the prospect of watching the movie. While the rest of the world is excited about the special effects and the story, my interest lies in a different angle altogether.

I am excited by the imagination that the director and the special effects people have put onto screen for a world that lies only in their minds. I am excited about the new kinds of animals and plants that they have imagined. How will the sunset look like on the planet Pandora? How will the flora and fauna be on a planet that exists only in the minds of the designers and the director. While people will be watching the movie and be excited by the look of the Na'vi, on a second or third run I will probably be watching the background more than the actors and the action.

I have a hobby of reading books. I have to have a book to read at all times. While my interest spans across genres, my fascination is exclusively for science fiction. Arthur C Clarke and Isaac Asimov are writers that I swear by and love to read their books again and again. I realised that one of the reasons I love these books so much is the fact that I have to imagine these worlds as I read them. I have to experience what the writers experienced as they wrote and see these new worlds with their eyes. Asimov's Foundation series took me to new worlds of Trantor and Gaia while Clarke's Odyssey of Rama series really pushed the limits of my imagination. I still love to read the Rama series as I believe that I still haven't been able to imagine the Rama world in its true splendor.

Imagination pushes your creative limits. It makes you wonder and trains your brain to think out of the box. When you need to imagine a new place, a new experience, a new location or a new emotion that you have not experienced before it pushes your brain to exercise itself and bring those places to life. Reading Harry Potter was much more fun than watching it. In fact reading the Amar Chitra Katha books of Ramayana and Mahabharata was much more exciting than watching them on screen. We had to imagine the battle of Kurukshetra without ever seeing one ourselves. We had to imagine Hanuman's flight with the mountain at an age when our brain was pushing its limits. I believe that is what made our generation so much more creative.

I rue the fact that in today's generation the books become movies so much faster that children don't need to imagine these worlds. They just have to wait for some time and the world comes to them. But this is the imagination of someone else - not your own. It deprives the children of creativity, of having to make up this world of Hogwarts or Twilight in their own minds. Its so much fun to read and imagine a person turning into a werewolf and then seeing that transformation on screen as compared to watching someone else interpretation of it and taking that as your own.

This generation's imaginative powers are very limited and this will impact the generation when it grows up. Creative powers will be valued much more and most of the generation will follow the vision of a few people. The generation will accept that someone else's vision is the right one because they have been trained to not think but just experience. I rue that fact.

Teach your children to read. Try and cultivate the reading experience in them. Let them read the books first and then watch the movies. Even for our stories like Mahabharata and Ramayana, let them read these first and then watch the serials. Let their brains imagine and go to place where they have not gone.

Let them give wings to their imagination!

Day 63 - Arrogance and Humility

Isn't it interesting that we value humility, abhor arrogance but strive to be the best? How are these three emotions interlinked, you may ask? Please do and allow me to elaborate on my perspective of them.

In our lives we usually strive for excellence or at least are 'trained' to think that we should be the best in whatever we do. The constant 'great statement' that we hear or advice that the successful people seem to make is "Do whatever you want but be the best in what you do". So we strive towards that. Being the best is not an easy task. Its a tough road lined with long hours, hard work, compromise on parties and friends and single minded focus on what we want to be best at. Its not for everybody which is why just a few people get to be at the top of the list. These people have struggled to get there giving up on a lot of things that we took for granted and enjoyed in our youth.But once they get there mere mortals like us look up to them and seek their advice in that field.

Amitabh Bachchan never spent time with his family when he was building his career, Tendulkar was at the nets for hours avoiding that one rupee coin from falling from the stumps while his friends were watching movies, Bill Gates was slogging it out on the lab of his school while his friends were out partying, The Beatles were playing 8 hours daily in Germany while other bands were bedding women and smoking pot and there are many such examples. But once they became BigB, Sachin Tendulkar, Bill Gates and The Beatles all of us are/were in awe of them. Let's be frank.......the slogged their asses out to become who they are.

After all that struggle some of these top percentile of people attain their dream and revel in the fact that they know much better about their subject than others. They realise that the ones who come to them seek answers to problems in the field that are so obvious but they can't see because they didn't hone those skills. As more and more of this happens, they tend to look down on the advice-seekers and become 'arrogant' in our words. But they have earned the arrogance!

As mere mortals we tend to forget the struggle that the person has gone through to attain that status. Probably because we did not go through it ourselves. We watched movies, played games, had fun while these toppers were slogging it out. And we don't want to be reminded about it by them!

We want them to be humble about their success. We want them to say that it was pure luck that they got where they are so that we feel better and think that we were not so lucky. We raise the humble ones on a pedestal and abhor the arrogant ones. Why? Because the arrogant ones make us realise our folly that we did not work as hard when we could have while the humble ones make us feel that we were just not lucky and were not at the right place at the right time as they were.

BULLSHIT! Do you think that a Sachin Tendulkar does not realise that he really IS THE BEST? or an Amitabh Bachchan? But we deride a Shah Rukh Khan because he accepts that he is better than the others and we love an Amitabh Bachchan because he never says that he is the best............even if he desperately wants to. Don't you think that a Sachin Tendulkar or an Amitabh Bachchan want to shout from the top of the roof tops that they slogged their asses out to become the best and that THEY ARE THE BEST? I'm sure they do but we won't let them.

Its time that we changed a bit as well. Arrogance is an earned quality and we should give them the right to be arrogant about it.

Don't you?

Day 62 - The most successful marraiges are based on lies

I just read this quote recently and thought - Wow, this is like opening a can of worms. It's a perfect example of an absolutely un-political statement. Try making this statement at a party and see how you get lynched for it!!

Marriages are based on trust. The partners must trust each other, believe in each other and have faith on each other. Transparency is the key to earning the trust. When you share your thoughts, your feelings and your past with your partner, the relationship becomes stronger. A daily ritual for a successful marriage must involve sitting together at the end of the day and sharing information about the day. By involving your partner and investing that time in the relationship you will get to understand each other better and learn to love each other more. Truth, Trust, Transparency & Time are probably the four cornerstones of a successful marriage.


Really? A poster for marriage and all books probably talk the same lines as above. But how much of truth is there in these lines? Is complete and absolute truth and transparency a basic requirement of a long term successful marriage? After 11+ years of marriage I believe that most successful marriages are based on lies.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean the blatant lies where you are having an affair or are a closet murderer. No, I mean small white lies. Every relationship - and that includes the 'ultimate' one of marriage as well - is based on small white lies. White lies are the ones you say to make someone happy and those that don't hurt anyone outright.

If you don't like her mother coming to your house every few days, don't go and be transparent about it. Telling a small white lie there will only help the relationship. The answer to the question "Do I look fat in this?" can NEVER be a truth. A lie is needed and necessary to answer that question. If you are with your wife and happen to notice a beautiful buxom woman passing by and she catches you, a white lie is needed there - not the truth and transparency. There are many such situations where those four pillars - or three of them at least - are not the ones to follow. Reality does not go by the good sounding poster lines. Reality is always grey and lies somewhere in between.

We are intrinsically liars at heart, at least most of us are. We tend to be diplomatic when faced with situations that can potentially lead into fights. We tend not to like people who are outspoken and always tell the truth or call a spade a spade. So why should we be open, transparent and truthful in our most private and closest relationship? We all tend to lie in our marriages as well but the key is to what extent and on what topics or situations. A successful marriage is determined by that. Do we call our wife beautiful even when she is putting on a bit more weight? Do we tell her that we love her family even if there are some members we could strangle? Do we tell her we are stuck in a traffic jam when maybe this time we left the offive party a bit late? Just some of the white lies.

There are certain things best left untold and in our hearts rather than in the open. I am sure even today our parents have a few secrets that they have kept from each other. I believe that most successful marraiges are based on small harmless white lies.

Day 61 - Being judgemental

Do you take people at face value or do you judge them when you meet them? The answer to this question is a pretty tricky one. You would love to say that you take everyone at face value but in reality you end up judging every single thing they say. A different way to ask would be "Are you a good judge of people?" and I'm sure the answer to that from most of you would be 'Yes'.

But reality lies somewhere in between. As humans it is the easiest thing to do to judge people, their actions and their words. We judge people at all times in different ways. We judge according to status - our servants are always 'kaamchor' while we are not; we judge by religion; we judge by ethnicity - Americans are different than us or Europeans are different; we judge by clothes - a badly dressed person is somehow not as good as a well dressed one even if the opposite is true. How many times have you looked at a shabbily dressed person and thought that he is probably less educated than you or the well dressed person next to him? Many times or maybe always. As I once heard someone day "Even when you don't care, others judge you on your appearance" and how many times have we heard the saying "Clothes make a man".

It is very easy to pass judgment on someone without knowing any details of why the person acted that way or said those things. We all do it. When a friend comes to us and says things about their boss or another person, we judge them and form a perception in our minds. When we hear about someone getting angry or smashing things or a celebrity lashing out at a photographer or a friend, we judge them and form opinions without trying to find out why they did what they did. If our friend comes and tells us that they are breaking up with their partner we automatically assume that the partner must be in the wrong. We form a judgment without knowing the truth.

And therein lies the issue in our lives. We form a judgement about people without knowing the facts. This impacts not just our personal lives but also gets into our professional lives. We form a judgement about our peers, our boss and our colleagues. We forget that unless you are in the same situation as the other person you cannot decide what is a right or a wrong decision and hence have no right to form an opinion about the situation or the person. Every time you try to form an opinion or a judgement ask yourself what you would do in the same situation. If your answer is that you don't know or you have insufficient data, stop there and don't form an opinion about the person. Don't judge!

Being non-judgemental and living by the credo 'to each his own' makes living that much easier. Is it easy? Definitely not. Being judgemental is in our DNA but try it for some situations. It might help you!

Day 60 - Sallekhana

I've always believed that the act of Suicide is an indication of two extreme conflicting emotions in the individual. While at one end it is an act of extreme cowardice and an acceptance that there is no way things can get better, at the other end it is also an act of courage because taking one's own life and suffering as you go is not an easy task.

I've always believed that any problem can be solved and that life is more precious than losing it. Which is why sometimes I snicker at the Hindi movie dialogues - मैं तुम्हारे लिए जान भी दे सकता हूँ (I can even give my life for you) - wondering what use is it if you lose your life to prove your love. You won't be there to see if she cares anyway. But coming back to the point, I've been fortunate enough never to be in those shoes - shoes where as you face life you realise that there is no way forward. And I thank God profusely for that.

How can someone take one's own life?

And then as I started reading William Dalrymple's book 'Nine Lives', I came across 'Sallekhana' - the Jain way of giving up one's life or more precisely the Jain muni's (nun or holy man) way of giving up one's life. I was astounded by what I read and could not understand why someone would do it?

Sallekhana is the Jain muni's way of voluntarily embracing death when the muni sees that death is imminet due to a severe disease or old age or intuition. Sallekhana is possible only if the muni seeks and gets the approval of their guru or mentor. It is up to the mentor to decide if the person can contribute much more in life of if the person can pass on to the next world. It is a ritual fast onto death. One by one you give up all the food - first you fast one day a week, then you eat only on alternate days. One by one you give up different kinds of food - rice, vegetables, juice till you come to a stage where you take only water everyday. You then make even that on alternate days. Eventually when you are ready you give up that too. Jains believe that when you do this gradually the body adapts, cools down and you can concentrate only on the soul.

It is easy to confuse this with suicide but jains think of this as releasing the soul - attaining mukti from this world. As I sit back and think on this, I sort of agree. But what takes my pickle is the extreme confidence and peace the muni must find with oneself to actually embark on this route for once the vow of Sallekhana is taken, there is no going back. Suicide is instantaneous and an act of mental anguish. Sallekhana, on the other hand, is giving up of the final frontier. Taken in context - the Jain muni starts off on the path by renouncing everything, family, comfort. home, possesions, Sallekhana is the renouncement of the body and an acceptance of starting off in a new world.

The Jain muni lives a life of renouncement. I wonder if a lay person with desires and needs would be able to walk down the path of Sallekhana and find peace in the final moments!

Would you be able to take Sallekhana?

Day 59 - Too much love

Is there such a thing called 'Too much love'? We all love someone in our lives at all points of time. And the love manifests itself in different ways - love for your parents, love for friends, love for siblings, love for that special one or even love for your pets. Each of these has different mannerisms and different methods of getting expressed. But each form has its limits, or does it?

Can you love someone too much or is that then just smothering? Dictionary.com defines Smothering (n) as 'an overspreading profusion of anything' and this very nicely puts the point across. An overspreading profusion of love is also smothering.

Love, as we all know, is based on trust. An integral part of loving someone is that we trust them and we are secure in that relationship. We trust that our pet will not bite us and are secure that they love us more than they love the pet-handler. We trust that our parents have our best interests at heart and are secure that they don't distinguish between siblings. And the most important kind of love - we trust that our partner will not betray our emotions and are secure that they love us just as much. If these two components of 'trust' and 'security' are missing, it gives rise to smothering. You can call it by any other name - over possessiveness, protective, loving - but really you feel that the person is smothering you and not giving you space to grow.

Of course the 'smotherer' does not realise that and thinks that they are just making sure that their target is safe and unhurt. But ask the 'smotheree' and I am sure you will know that they are not happy in the relationship. They don't like being constantly asked where they are or where they are going or who they met or why they are doing a particular thing. While love is based on security and trust, smothering is based on the exact opposite emotions. In such a parasitic relationship, its just a matter of time before the smotheree breaks free and escapes leaving the smotherer to wonder what went wrong?

As you start any relationship I think its important that you look at it from this angle and ascertain if your outlook to the person is that of love or smothering? Do you trust that person? Are you secure in that relationship? Or do you have a need to know what the person is doing at all points of time? Do you wonder if that boy/girl that you partner is talking to is your competition?

If you value the relationship find out from your partner / friend if you are smothering them. Then change yourself or change the relationship so that both of you are happy. A smothering relationship is doomed for disaster at some point of time.

I found this great article that actually got me thinking about this aspect. Read the article here.

Are you a lover or a smotherer?

Day 58 - Age and Sexuality

When you think of sex and sexuality what comes to your mind. Most of us would think of a taut young body with a good figure and assets (if you are a guy) or six pack abs and muscles (if you are a gal). Most of us - of course it could work the other way as well but the point is that sex and sexuality brings to mind images of young bodies. And why is that? Why is it that sexuality is always associated with the young? Why is it that as we grow older we are supposed to give up our physical needs and focus more on spiritual ones?

I was browsing through my friend Arundhati Ghosh's facebook profile when I came across this beautiful note from one of her friends which in turn connected me to the work of the photographer -Karen Brett . (Wow....this is like pealing onions - one layer leads to another till you reach the core). And this got me thinking along the above lines.

How many of us are cringing as we even read this? Or cringed when we saw the photos? How many of us are thinking that love and sex is meant for the young and the middle-aged, definitely not for my parents and God forbid - my grand parents. They should be concentrating on God and the metaphysical aspects than the physical ones. We have been conditioned from our childhood that love is meant for the young at heart. Sex, after all, is the physical representation of love and hence that too is for the young. We have seen this around us and have grown up on this staple diet of information. We have never seen our grand parents show their love in front of us and have watched movies where the couple - after they have become parents - hide their physical manifestation of love by saying "Bacche dekh lenge to kya sochenge?". So it is but natural that we shy away from the very thought of old people falling in love or showing their love. Even our movies don't focus on this aspect.

The closest I think that our movies have approached this subject is the Rishi Kapoor - Dimple Kapadia starrer "Pyar Mein Twist" which shows them falling in love but even that movie shied away from showing any physical manifestation of it. 'Cheeni Kum'came closest to showing it. Do you remember the scene where Tabu makes AB run across the park and come back so that she can find out about his stamina? He then drags her almost into a hotel saying let me show you my stamina. When you realise the implication of that scene.....do you cringe and thank God that they did not show them going into a hotel room? Why shouldn't they? After all, they are in love and will want to express their love to each other?

I think we need to be a bit more broad minded when we see an old couple holding hands and/or expressing their love for each other. Love is an emotion that can strike anyone at any time. It does not look for colour, caste, creed, nationality or age. If we are willing to accept that an old man can fall in love with a young woman or vice-versa, we need to accept the fact that two old people can fall in love with each other as well and would want to express that love as well.

Lets all grow up and accept that. Who knows you fall in love at 80 and want to express that love to her or him! Teach your children now that its OK for old people to fall in love as well!

Day 57 - Lakshya

No......this is not about the movie, although I've put the poster on this blog. But the idea came to me from the movie. I'm watching the movie as I type this and it depicts so beautifully the fact that if you have a goal in mind, if you have a लक्ष्य life becomes easier and it gets direction. The character differentiation between those of Karan (Hritik Roshan, who does have any aim in life in the first half) and Romi (Priety Zinta, who knows exactly what she wants to be) is beautifully brought out. More importantly is the portrayal of the direction that Karan'slife takes after he decides what he wants to do and goes behind that with complete dedication and focus.

How many of us knew what we wanted to be as we approached that critical point in our lives? Whether its to do with career and work or to do with personal beliefs. Every person reaches that 'moment of truth' at some point in their lives......or at least they should. Once you reach that moment and you choose the path, life becomes a bit more easier to live.

I can count two such occasions in my life. When I was in school and approached that critical point in life (Class XII) I knew I wanted to be an engineer. But half way into engineering I knew that a technical job was not my cup of tea and I couldn't do that for the rest of my life. So I moved into a Sales role and have stuck with Sales and Marketing as a career. Once I knew that this is what I wanted to do my career took its own direction as all my moves were in that field. My sister found her career lakshya when she joined Lufthansa after drifting around for quite some time. She realised that that's the field she wants to be in and now her life has a direction and is that much easier.

My second moment was when I fell in love with a girl when in college. When college got over she moved back to the city she came from and I had a choice. But my lakshya was very clear that I had to make her mine. Once that goal was in mind life and its decision became that much easier. I moved to Bangalore as well, wooed her here all over again and finally married her and we have been married for 11 years now.

ज़िन्दगी में लक्ष्य होना बहूत ज़रूरी हैं । लक्ष्य मिल जाए तो उसको पाने के रास्ते अपने आप आसन हो जाते हैं ।

Its important to get a goal in life. Once you set a goal the routes to attain that goal become easy on its own!

So got out and set a goal! Notice how decisions will become easier.

Day 56 - Happily Ever After

What does the above line remind you of? Quickly........Fairy Tales, right? That's the line that all Fairy Tales ended with.........And they lived happily ever after. As a child you felt secure when you read the last line and knew that the Prince had found his true love (or the Princess, if you were a girl) after all the trails and tribulations and would now be happy forever. No more bad people around them and no more hardships.

As you grew older though you realised the fallacy in that last line. Happily Ever After? Yeah, right......your troubles have just begun baby. Wait till you get married and have to take care of the house and kids and in-laws and friends and............ah forget it! Those were your thoughts as you read the lines but you also wished that the lines were true. That love leading to marriage could lead to 'happily ever after' as well.

The thought of this blog came up (thanks to my sister) when I posted a quote from Grey's Anatomy on my facebook account - "Why can't I just be the happily ever after person? Why can't I believe in that?". And the truth lies in that statement.......why don't we believe in the 'happily ever after' statement anymore?

The reality lies in the answer to a very simple question. What makes you happy? It may sound like a simple question but the answer to that is anything but simple. Our answer to that question changes constantly like the sifting sands in a desert or the tides on a beach. It varies from a good job to a good salary to love to spiritual well being to different things at different times of our lives. It depends a lot on our expectations of the people around us and of ourselves. Can we possibly curb our expectations and be happy all the time? I don't think so. Anyone who says that he is a happy person is a liar. There will always be some aspect of your life that you wish was better and in that small space you are unhappy.

In a fairy tale the line is supposed to bring an end to all worries. Its a full stop in that story. But in reality the full stop never occurs. Oh..maybe it does when we die but before that our definition of happiness changes constantly.

I think the key is to define 'happiness' in small portions rather than grandeur plans. As we attain those small targets we can get incremental happiness. Revel in that. Find solace in that small happiness and try to spread that happiness around.

Remember ' Happily Ever After' is like the horizon.......its there, you can see it, it seems attainable, you must strive towards it but you may never get to it!

Day 55 - Why are Nursery Rhymes so morbid?

I have a 2-1/2 year old son and our music system is being dominated by nursery rhymes now. As he learns the rhymes in school he recites them at home and we have to play these on the CD as well.

Twinkle Twinkle; Ba Ba Black Sheep and so on. But have you ever thought why some or most of the nursery rhymes are so morbid? I have been wondering that for some time now.

• Jack & Jill talks about tumbling down and breaking head.
• Humpty Dumpty talks about him breaking himself and no one able to put him together again.
• Rock-a-bye-baby, supposedly a lullaby, talks about the baby falling down from the tree.
• Goosey Goosey Gander talks about throwing an old man down the stairs.
• Three Blind Mice tails are cut by the farmer's wife
• In Ding Dong Bell the cat is thrown into the well
  
• ......................and there are some more.

I always wondered why would we teach our children such rhymes that talk about injury and don't seem to foster good manners. But no one seems to change these nursery rhymes and we still teach them. What do our children learn from these rhymes? And more importantly where did these nursery rhymes come from? What is their origin?

The internet is of course the best way to find out and I did.

• Jack & Jill is about the beheading of King Louis XVI (Jack) followed by Queen Marie Antoinette (Jill). But do we need to teach our children that? Why did schools start teaching this?
• Humpty Dumpty is actually a story of a huge cannon used during the English Civil War during the siege of Colchester.
• Rock-a-bye Baby does not have any such explanations. It refers to Native American Indians in US who used to put a cradle across two trees and rock their babies to sleep using the wind. Anyone in India would have seen this in most construction sites as mothers put their babies to bed using a cloth cradle.
  
• Goosey Goosey Gander refers to the fight in 16th century between Catholics and Protestants. If the Catholics were caught by the zealous protestants saying their prayers in Latin and not English as the Protestants wanted, the priest and the family harboring them were executed. Hence, 'there I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers'.
• Three Blind Mice refers to same period of Catholics v/s Protestants although in this case it refers to Catholic Queen Mary I who could not convert three Protestant nobles and so had them burnt at the stake. The nursery rhyme of course refers to them being dismembered and blinded.
  

Most of the nursery rhymes have hidden meanings and a historical perspective. If you want to know more about the history of nursery rhymes refer to http://www.rhymes.org.uk/ . Its a great site to do some fun reading. Another good site is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nursery_rhyme

But I still cannot understand why English schools took these rhymes up to teach to their children. Thankfully the children were not taught the actual meanings of the rhymes and were just left to learn and sing them.

Frankly why can't we have some good rhymes teaching some good manners rather than these morbid ones?

Someone need to give this a thought!

Day 54 - BigB

So finally I am writing about one of my two passions in recent years - One,of course, is Star Wars and the other is BigB or Amitabh Bachchan.

I've always been a fan of Amitabh Bachchan....yes even in those years when he was not doing good movies and was down on his luck. I remember feeling very disappointed by his role in 'Mohabatien' when SRK was given more prominence and BigB's role was not up to the mark. At that time we did not know that BigB was in need - dire need - of just some acting to pay the bills. Today everyone is a fan and everyone loves him.

I had an interesting conversation with Ani this evening. I was watching Big Boss and Amitabh Bachchan interviewing Ismail Durbar who had just been evicted from the house. At the end of the interview, Ismail Durbar cried on his shoulder and his wife touched BigB's feet. I was watching this and wondered what is it that drives people to do that for Amitabh Bachchan.

What is Amitabh Bachchan? At the very core level he is but an actor - nothing more, nothing less. What has he done for you and me for us to feel so passionately about him? What has he contributed to our lives that we feel so strongly about him? At least I do! If you refer to my post of Day 26 on 28th August you will find that No. 5 on my list of 10 things to do before I die is to meet Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. Why? And what will I do when I meet him? Gush over him, take an autograph, take a picture and remember that for my lifetime. He won't even remember if he meets me. So why this love for him?

I realised that my love for BigB has increased since the time he started writing his blog about a year back. I follow it daily like a ritual. Through his writings on his blog I have understood what a principled man he is. How he values his time, life and family and how he swears to protect them against anything. How intelligent he is and how lucid he is in his writing and prose. How he makes us feel like his family and values our time and comments.

I respect him for the fact that he had seen the heights of fame, the outpouring of people's love, the depths of loneliness and dis-respect and how he bounced back from the brink of disaster through his hard work. How he swore to and did pay off his creditors and how he built back his legend.

But mostly I love him for his desire of excellence in his work. The fact that even at an age of 65+ when his contemporaries have long since hung up their boots, he is doing challenging roles and work like Last Lear, Black, Nishabd, Cheeni Kum and the soon-to-come revolution in Indian Cinema - PAA! Here is a man who does not need to prove anything to anyone, who goes back and does a role of a 13 year old when he is 65 himself. Why? Because of the need to excel in his art. And that's a legend!

I can keep writing on this subject but I would like to end with Paa's director Balki's statement on the movie: "The challenge of "PAA" was to present Amitabh Bachchan minus everything we all know, love about and idenify with Amitabh Bachchan. Yes....it was a challenge for Abhishek Bachchan, Vidya, Paresh, Arundhati, the kids, the make-up artist, PC and me. But it was a challenge that finally had to be met by Amitabh Bachchan alone. Paa is a tribute to possibly the greatest actor that Indian cinema has ever produced and an example of how an actor can undo the very things that have made him an icon and will do something iconic"

We are lucky to have been born in an era where we are seeing the best works of a great actor! Can't wait to see Paa!

Day 53 - Value

Why is it that we understand the value of anything after its gone away? This holds true more for the emotional state of mind rather than the physical materialistic things.

In the physical materialistic world the next car, computer, mobile phone, TV, music system etc is better than the previous one. We strive for getting the latest cutting edge technology into our lives and the concept of value is fluid.

But some into the emotional space and 'value' suddenly takes on a completely different meaning. So the question really should be 'In the emotional space, why is it that we understand the value of anything only after its gone away?'

Its been a month since Gina's passing and the outpouring of grief and statements of love make you understand that people miss her so much. I knew her for 12 years and always took her for granted. For me, she was the invincible one - the one who will outlive all of us for her sheer energy, her exuberance, her joie de vivre, her healthy lifestyle and just her will to live. One month ago all that suddenly changed in one second. And I understood her 'value' in my life and the deep respect that I had for her. Why did I realise that only after she was gone? Why don't we show our value for people when they are with us? Why do we wait to say all the things about a person only after they are gone? I realise today that if I had to do anything innovative, off the world and that would open people's eyes - Gina was the person to go to.

Do you value your parents? I have always maintained that every child must go to a hostel to understand the value of what parents do for them and the value of 'home'. We take all this for granted. But when I went away to a hostel to study engineering, I realised the value of home and parents. I understood the value of home food and the taste of it. I value my mom's cooking more today and wait for her to come to my house on her vacation. My wife who has never lived away from her parents does not understand that as much and early in our marraige would not understand why I needed to talk to them long distance every week.

The whole concept of 'show your value for someone' is so cliched! But its also very true. If you value someone remember to show them that from time to time. It need not be the fact that you call them or face them and say 'I Value you and love you' everytime but it could be through a show of small things like calling them or maybe giving them personal gifts on their special occasions or even making something for them.

Tell them and show them that you care and they are valuable! Its important!

Day 52 - Love and Comfort

A few days back we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. Time flies. Sometimes it feels like yesterday that I was wooing Ani in Delhi and now its 11 years since we got married.

While I was talking to my friends about the 11th anniversary a very pertinent question was raised by someone who is not yet married. Like everyone else she asked as well as to what I had given her for the anniversary and then proceeded to talk about how much love I have for her because I gave a gift. I jokingly replied that in 11 years there is no love, only comfort feeling now. But this got me thinking: Is there love now and what is the state of that love?

Love can have different meaning at different points of your life. An of course there are different types of love as well. But let's not get into that in this post. Let's focus on a love between a husband and wife.

Even in a long-term relationship of this nature (at least long term in India) the nature of love can vary across the years. When you get married the 'love' factor is very high. You feel for your partner a lot and want to show that in emotional and physical manner. Of course the lust factor is there as well. ;-)

As the relationship gets older one tends to get caught in the daily grind and love seems to take a back seat. It is at this time that the real test of the relationship takes place. As you start living the daily life, the truth of compromises and adjustments strikes and you need to attain a good balance. Love seems to get lost and 'arguments' in terms of what one can or should do come to the fore.

But once you cross this part of the married life is when the best years begin. In my opinion this usually happens either after the first 5-6 years or after the first child turns 2. This is the time when love becomes like the background noise of the universe. Its there and has always been there but you can't see it or hear it. If you ask Radio astronomers they will tell you that the background noise of the universe is omnipresent. About 8 years into a marriage, love becomes like that. Its there but there is no need to show it at all times. The compatibility of the partners has been set and a kind of comfort factor comes in. You tend to understand each other and can almost complete each others thoughts and sentences.

I think I've come to that level in my marriage. After 11 years we almost understand each other and know what the other will think on a particular action of ours. We're comfortable with each other's presence, thoughts and actions. Love is there but it is coloured in the colour of comfort now.

What happens to this comfort factor as the marriage becomes older? I don't know......but lets re-visit that in a few years time.

Keep watching this space.

Day 51 - Patience

Think back and tell me when was the last time that you exercised extreme patience with a person or an event? What were the incidents that pushed you to the brink and made you swallow your anger and exercise restraint and patience? Remember I am talking about extremes - this is a point where you feel like throttling the other party but at the same time you can't and have to continue the discussion or the activity with a smile and with restraint. You know that you need to make the other party understand but they are really pushing you to the limit.

I am sure you are thinking about a few such incidents - maybe the road 'accident' you recently had when the bus brushed your car or maybe when your friend broke or lost something precious to you or when your girlfriend or wife just would not understand. But if you are a parent you will immediately think differently. All the above incidents are minor as compared to the patience you need to exercise with children - especially when they are between 2 to 5. These are the 'patience testing' years and if you come through these with few scars, then you should be set for life.

But the test of true patience comes in when you 3 year old falls sick. You experience a roller coaster of emotions that you wish you never have to face again. The unfortunate part is that you go through the same emotions when your child falls sick the next time.

At 3 years the child is unable to communicate properly on what is hurting them. First it breaks your heart to see your child having fever or coughing violently or sneezing. Then the child has to take medicines which they refuse to take. So you have to cajole, explain, threaten and play games to get them to have the medicines. Because of the medicines they don't eat and feel listless. This causes low energy levels and they becomes cranky and clingy. They always want to be with you and not let you go. If the child is on antibiotics then there is the issue of not wanting to eat food. That gets them more cranky and you have to somehow get them to have food and fluids. So you have to see them crying while refusing everything but still get them to have food, fluid and medicines to get them bounce back - all this while you are tired and frustrated at the whole situation because you can't do anything to make their pain go away.

Get the picture?

This, my friends, is the ultimate test of patience. How do you retain your sanity, not get angry and frustrated at the small child but still get them to do those things that will make them better is the true test of your patience. If you are a parent, when you go through this experience and emerge with physical and emotional scars you understand what patience means.

These are just some of the 'joys of parenthood' ;-)

Day 50 - Expectations

The core reason for all the 'issues' in the world is one simple word - EXPECTATIONS!

Think about it, dwell on it a bit and you will realise that all your worries, frustrations and anger stem from the simple truth that you 'expect' certain things to happen. Newton had said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That law holds true in the physical world. In the emotional world you can add a small word to this law and it becomes 'With every action, one expects a suitable reaction'.

Things become much clearer when you think about it. When you something you expect a certain reaction to that action. If the reaction is met you are happy and you process to the next action. If the reaction is not suitable or something that you did not expect it gives rise to frustration, distress and anger leading to a different set of actions. This is true from global issues to simple issues at home. Confused?

When India extends an olive branch to Pakistan, it hopes and expects that at least this time Pakistan will react favorably. The expectation is set. But when Pakistan attacks the Parliament we realise that our expectations are not met. As a country we get frustrated and angry and launch an offensive stance on the borders. The cycle repeats again and again but we hope that our expectations with every activity are met by them. Extend this to any conflict in the world and the core of the issues are certain expectations of each party. Simple? You bet it is.

The same hold true in your daily life as well. When you give a gift to some friend, you expect a certain reaction - surprise, happiness. If you get that you feel happy that your gift was liked, even if the reaction was not true. But if you don't get the expected reaction, you feel as if the gift was useless and the friend does not appreciate you. Even if the friend liked the gift but did not react in the way you expected. Expectations! When you say something to your loved one, you expect them to react in a particular way or with a certain statement. True, isn't it? The more you think about it the more it seems true and so simple.

The key is to live life without expectations. Is it possible? Not really but one can try. In your next few actions try not to set an expectation to them. Try to do the action without having a set reaction that you want. I assure you that you will be happy with whatever you get after that. If you say that you love someone, don't expect them to gush over it, go ga-ga or say that they love you back. Just say the words and be happy that you said them. If you buy a gift for someone, don't expect a thanks. If it comes it a bonus, if it doesn't you will be happy as you never expected it anyway.

Try it and let me know if it makes you happier. Send me comments.

Don't set any expectations in life or in other words - Karma karo, phal ki apeksha mat karo - do you work, don't focus on the results!

Day 49 - Losing my religion

Deepavali 2009 was a good one. I had my family over and it was one big Indian family affair. My parents and grandmom came down from Delhi while my sis flew in from Mumbai. The kids had a blast being spoilt with gifts from the grandparents and the aunt. Deepavali is after all the most important festival and it is always good to have your family around you.

As part of the 'days of deepavali' we had the Lakshmi Puja in the house. My Dad did the puja and in the 12 years of marraige and stay at this house, this must have been the second time that an actual full fledged Lakshmi Puja happened in my house. The first time too it was because Dad was with us. My kids watched with fascination as my Dad did the Puja and that got me thinking.

When we were growing up one of my lasting memories of Deepavali is the puja that would happen in the house when my sister and me were supposed to behave, keep quiet and not make noise. We would wait patiently for the puja to get over so that we could start bursting the crackers. But in the midst of all that we would get the gist of the puja and the reason it was being done. We would understand our religion through these rituals. We would get to know the Gods and what they stand for. We learnt to respect them and seek their blessings.

I am not a deeply religious man and so I don't know the puja's and don't perform them. So I wonder, What will my children remember? How will they learn about the rituals and their meanings? How will they get to understand their religion? Is it important? Do they need to know?

Whenever an important festival comes along, like Ganesh Chaturthi or Deepavali or Dussera, I feel a bit inadequate that I am unable to explain the intricacies of our rich culture, traditions and rituals associated with our religion because I did not learn growing up. These rituals form a basis of our culture, the understanding of our religion forms a cornerstone of our existence. So how will I be able to pass on these to my children when I myself am unaware of these.

Then larger question loom of whether it is really essential to know these things? 20 years down the line when my children grow up will they need to know these things or will religion and its meaning be different for them? My religion is my faith in God. Is faith enough or should it also have the rituals around it?

So many questions and so few answers. When I pass on the tapestry of life to them will it be a rich one or will the corner that symbolises religion be a worn out patch with loose threads?

Is my next generation losing my religion?

Day 48 - Deepavali

Deepavali is most commonly known in the world as 'festival of lights' in India probably because its associated with strings of lights across streets, multitude of diyas in house and firecrackers bursting all over the ground and sky in the night. There's light, an unfortunately also loud sound and pollution, all around!

But what is Deepavali? What can I tell my children about it?

Deepavali stems from a sanskrit word combination of 'deepa' meaning light and 'avali' meaning a row and so the literal translation of Deepavali is also 'Row of Lights'. The most common explanation for Deepavali is the return of Lord Rama from Lanka after defeating Ravana and completing his 14 years in exile. The people of Ayodhya were so happy that they wanted to show their love and affection for their returning King. Being an amavasya - no moon night - it was slated to be a very dark night and so the citizens of Ayodhya lit up rows of diyas on the streets and in their houses to show the way to Lord Rama and to turn the night into day. And from there came the name of the occasion - Deepavali, a row of lights. Almost every child in India knows this story.

But what I found interesting was that the day of Deepavali has significance in other religions as well. That really opened my eyes and my perspective.

In Jainism the day is celebrated as one on which Mahavira, the 24th Tirthankara attained Nirvana. The lighting of lamps is symbolic substitute to denote the light of knowledge that got extinguished with his passing. This was in 527 BC.

Fast forward a few centuries and for Sikhs the day is significant as the day of return of Guru Har Bind Ji from his imprisonment by the Mughal emperor Jehangir. Guru Har Gobind Ji was imprisoned in Fort Gwalior with 52 other Hindu Kings. After freeing them he went to Harminder Sahib (Golden Temple) in Amritsar where the devotees greeted him with lit candles and diyas.

A simple day that has significance across centuries and across religions. Amazing, isn't it?

Wearing new clothes on Deepavali signifies an ending of all bad things of the previous year and starting a new year with new feelings, new emotions and new ideas. Its a great day to reconnect with your friends and enemies. Let bygones be bygones with people with whom you fought and re-connect with them.

Start the year on a fresh note!

Wishing all of you a Very Happy Deepavali and a prosperous, safe, happy and love filled new year!

Day 47 - Slice of happiness

Cadbury's is running a latest ad campaign around the festival of Diwali which talks about sharing happiness on the occasion of Diwali and asking who you will make happy this year with a gift of Cadbury's chocolates.

Happiness is such a relative state of mind.There have been books wtitten about how to be happy and how to enjoy the feeling. Personally I don't think someone can be taught to be happy. Its personal, its intimate and its a percieved emotion. What makes you happy may not give me the same emotions. A simple smile can bring you happiness and can banish the feelings of despair and depression. The best thing is that happiness is usually not found in big events. The best slices of happiness that you will find are hidden in the crevices of daily life just waiting to peep out and make your day. The challenge lies in identifying them, accepting them and embracing these small nuggets. Its a cumulation of these small instances that stay with you and bring a smile to your face after many years. Think back and you remember simple things in life that are your slices of happiness.

I tried to do this exercise and tried to list the simple things that bring a smile to my face. Here are some slices of my happiness:

• The smile on my son's face when he sees me.
• The hug that my daughter gives me everyday when I come back from office
• The simple touch of my wife when she teases me and addresses me cutely.
• The surprise on my wife's face when I do something unexpected for her.
• A full house when my parents and sister come visiting.
• The weekend time spent with my friends (Rakhras) who are my extended family.
• The interaction between Mahir and my son Tarush.
• The time spent with my friends Sowmya, Malathi and Ruchi.
• The phone calls time with my friend almost daily.
• My first cycle, scooter and car purchase.
• Setting up house with my wife.
• Buying our first house.
• Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S innumerable times and laughing each time at the same scenes. Sharing these with my friends and relating them to our lives.
• Getting lost in an engrossing book.
• The smell of the soil when the first rain falls.
• The smell of a new book.
• A sudden call from an old friend.
• Getting wished on your birthday from unexpected quarters.
  

These are just a few that come to my mind.

Give it a thought. What are your slices of happiness?

Day 46 - Selfless Love

Is it possible to experience or give absolutely selfless love? Have you realised that when you love someone it usually translates into certain expectations from that person as well. These could be simple things like picking up your phone when you call or talking to you when there is time, to more emphatic ones like falling in love with you too or liking you as much or doing things the way you want to.

Most of the time our love is a selfish one. We want the same emotions or the same experiences in return from the person we love. We have certain expectations and we want them fulfilled. If we don't get that, we get angry, frustrated, dejected, rejected and depressed. Mostly we forget to think from the other person's perspective and we think only from ours.

There are very few examples of selfless love and one that comes to my mind immediately is that of Mother Teresa. I have often wondered what made her come to India and spent her entire life in the care of the needy. Yes, I know...countless books have been written about it and innumerable philosophers and psychiatrists have given their explanations but what started her on her journey and made her do it? I guess she has the answer and we may never know.

Is there any time in your life that you will experience selfless love? I think there is. The only experience of absolute and complete selfless love with no expectations is the love of a child for the parent in the initial years. Note that I say - in the initial years - because as the child grows older and learns the 'tricks of life', the child too starts having expectations and sets boundaries for the level of love to be given to the parent.

But in the initial years the innocence of the child is so pure that the love of the child is an absolute joy. As a parent when you come home and see the innocent smile of the child, it washes away all your fatigue. Yes, I know this is so cliched but unfortunately it is also so true. Only as a parent can you experience this love in life. And when the same child cries in pain, it wrenches your heart out and you will do anything to get that smile back on the face. The child has no expectations from you and loves you for what you are, who you are and whatever you do to the child. You scold the child, shout at the child but the very next moment there is a smile and you forget everything and apologise.

Selfless love is like a gift from God which comes to you only through the smile and emotions of a child. Don't forget it and revel in these moments of pure innocent love for they will never come again.

Day 45 - Retiring at one's peak

Cricket is a passion in India. Its one sport where we have done relatively well than other sports in recent times. And that has resulted in our cricket players becoming stars and celebrities. But then again we seem to love cricketers from any country. The interesting part is that while we may hate them when they are playing, we start to like them when they retire - more so if they retire when they are at their peak. Shane Warne, Wasim Akram, Geoff Boycott. Waqar Younis, Mike Gatting are just some of the names that come to mind.

What is it about liking a person when they retire at their peak? Why do we start to respect them when that happens?

When Rahul Dravid gave up his captaincy at his peak we all gave him respect and admired him for his actions. We also remember Saurav Ganguly who seemed to hang on to his captaincy and finally retired when he was at his lowest ebb. Today our respect for Dravid is much higher than that for Ganguly, although Ganguly was a much better and successful captain for India. As a mass movement what drives us to respect the peak-retirees more?

And this works in all strata of life. When a Narayan Murthy gives up his Infosys job, when a Madhuri Dixit or a Sridevi leaves movies or when Lata Mangeshkar decides to stop singing for movies, we make them into legends in our collective minds and treat them as special. If the person, however, continues in their career even when they are nor doing well, we seem to loose respect for the person. Only a few people escape that scrutiny like a Sachin Tendulkar or an Amitabh Bachchan who become legends even as they continue working. But even they have to face negative criticism along their elongated career. The same fate does not befall a Narayan Murthy, a Madhuri Dixit or a Lata Mangeshkar. They are the best.

I think this happens because as humans we revel in the fall-from-grace of a celebrity. Somewhere deep down we feel jealous of their success and want to see them fail. When we do not get an opportunity to do that, when the celebrity does not give us that chance we do not have anything low to compare their success to and the success makes a house in our minds. We make an image of the successful person and popularise that in our mind. The success becomes the person. The accolades at that time of retirement become the image of the person in our mind. We then do not forget the person at all.

And that happens when a successful person and a loved person leaves too soon as well. We remember the success, the happiness and the love of that person. A Kalpana Chawla will always be remembered as a successful astronaut. A Gina Campos Braganza will always be remembered as an entrepreneur extraordinaire, a loving friend and an ever-smiling person. She retired from life too soon but she packed ten lifetimes of us ordinary people into her one life and left behind an image of happiness and a legacy of smiles!

Day 44 - Thank you to friends

I am finding it extremely difficult to pen down another blog post after the abrupt departure of Gina on Saturday. My family and me are still coming to terms with it and finding it hard to reconcile to the fact that we will never see Gina's radiant smile and get to talk with her ever again.

God can play strange games sometimes. In this world of abject mediocrity where most of us lead our lives without leaving behind a trace, He has taken away the one person who has contributed so much to the world and to the people around her and who had so much more to give.

Gina's untimely departure (I am still finding it difficult to say the 'd' word) has exposed the fragility of life for me and how many of us go through life without saying a small word of 'Thanks' to people close to us or how we don't take time out to call a friend and say a few words to them.

So I have decided to dedicate this blog post to say 'Thanks' to the friends who had a significant impact on my life till now, in a chronological manner. The blog post may not appeal to all you readers but please bear with me for this post.

Here goes........THANKS to

• Kushal Thakker from Sacred Heart Boys High School: for being my best friend in school and igniting my love for space and astronomy.
• Nilesh Shah, Chandrakala Anyarabhatla, Kauser Tasneem Ahmed from National College: for standing with me and shaping my life across the two years of college.
• Rajesh More from BVCOE: for being the best room mate in the initial years of engg and showing me that its OK to accept that you don't know some things and are willing to learn.
• Arvind Ganesh, Shivraj Yadav & Kaushal Mehta: for being the best friends across 19 years now and supporting me in all my stupid things. Thank you guys. I couldn't have done a lot of things without you and you know that.
• Vaishali Deore: for accepting me with my faults and being my first love. I'm sorry I hurt you in the end.
• Guneet Singh Sodhi in TSM: for having patience with me, teaching me how to ride a scooter, unconditionally giving me his scooter as I tried to woo my wife and not telling me anything. Being a key factor in me being able to woo Ani. Thank you.
• Anindita Das in TSM: for being my friend, accepting me, teaching me how to be a man, teaching me how to accept my faults, loving me and agreeing to be my wife. She is my support system and the bamboo of my life's tamboo.
• Shalini Saxena & Padmavati Nori in TSM: for teaching me that a boy and a girl can really be back slapping, running in the corridors, fighting friends.
• Preeti Narayanan in TSM & Bangalore: for taking me in when I had no place to live. We were the first true live-in friends way back in 1997.
• Nikhil Shah in Genesis: for being a great room mate in a god forsaken PG accomodation and being my friend since then.
• Gina in 3M and beyond: for being Gina. Cannot say anything more here.
• Arundhati Ghosh in BuyAsOne: for being a sounding board, teaching me things in life, being so open in mind that I can discuss anything with her and being with me for all these years.
• Sowmya Ramachandran in IBM: for bearing with my super emotional crap that I load on her. For listening, for bearing my difficult friendship, for accepting my emotions for her and still being my friend, for the ability to discuss topics that other may find ridiculous. I love her very much.
• Malathi Srinivasan from IBM: for being a great sounding board friend to whom I can go at any time to discuss esotric details in life.
• Ruchi Mohan from IBM: for being the friend with whom I can be naughty, flirty knowing that she is just as fun and mentally mad as me.
• Sanjeev & Ritu Rakhra: for being family! Our support system and much much more.
• Sandy & Deepa Rahi: for being family.

Thank you for shaping my life till now and I know a lot of you will be shaping my life for a lot more time.

PS: If your name is not here shout out at me and I'll either tell you why or apologise and include your name. :)

Day 43 - Eugenia Maria Campos Braganza

Eugenia Maria Campos Braganza (23rd Aug 1971 - 3rd Oct 2009)

Gina, as she was popularly known, cannot be described in a few words. I have tried to, but just cannot put my feelings about her on paper.

I met Gina in 1997 when I joined 3M in the Visual Systems Division as a Sales person. She was the marketing person for the division. I remember distinctly that she got me to attend a series of meetings with the WW folks who had come down to India so that I could fast track learn about the division. This was within 7 days of my joining. From the beginning I was blown away by her creativity and her talent. My first lessons in marketing were from her. Gina is my teacher.

I attended her marraige in Hyderabad in 1998 and it was by far one of the most fun christian weddings to attend. Carlton and Gina came in a bullock cart and their wedding card was one that would put a smile on your face. They moved close to our house in St. Thomas town and we would land up at their place quite often. They introduced us to Sanjeev and Ritu Rakhra who have since then become family for us. When we moved to Dheeraj Manor where we now stay, we told them and invited them over to have a look at the building. Carlton and Gina liked the place as well and they bought their flat one floor above ours. Gina is our neighbour.

In between all the above, she left 3M and started TrumpIT which grew in reputation and recogniton. She started Opus which was first of its kind in the country. Opus grew in stature year after year till it has become three Opus and O.tel. She started the first internet Radio station in India. The best part was that she did all this in the day and stil had time and energy to party with the crowd in the night. Everything she started was unique and a success. Gina is an entrepenuer extraordinaire and a rockstar.

Gina has had an effect on every single member of my family in some way or the other. She was my sister's boss at TrumpIt, my mother swears by her Goan Marguerite and says that she has never found that taste anywhere in the world, my son (2 yrs old) played with her on the last day and was inquiring about her yellow Jeep and she has been an inspiration to me. Gina is family.

Over the years we may have not kept in touch and gone separate ways but every time she saw me or my wife she had the same backslapping nature, the most amazing and welcome smile, a twinkle in her eyes and a heart big enough to accomodate the whole world. Gina is a friend.

Gina lived life on her terms. No one could dictate to her what could not be done. The rules of the world bent humble in front of her to accomodate her vision. Her employees were her friends and at the same time learnt a lot from her. Gina is an inspiration.

What can I say about the premature parting of a teacher, a mentor, a neighbour, a friend, a rockstar, an inspiration, a guiding light, a sunshine smile and a family member?

This was not the time or the way for her to go!

I am sure she will open an Opus in heaven and teach God and the angels a thing or two about living life KING SIZE.

Gina will be missed very badly! May you find as much love and happiness in heaven as you did on earth.

Day 42 - Gandhiji

Mahatma Gandhi would have been 140 years old today if he was alive. The question of what he would have thought of today's India just does not arise as he would not have lived this long.

Even if we assume that he would have lived till a ripe old age of 100, he would have seen the India of 1969 which was still in a way the India that he fought for to give independence to. We still had the license raj and corruption was still there. His protege and favorite person - Jawaharlal Nehru - would have passed away a few years back in 1964, the Congress Party that he helped to become a guiding force would split into two factions, Indira Gandhi - grand daughter of Jawaharlal Nehru - would be the Prime Minister of India, man would land on the moon, Pele would score his 1000th goal, Concorde would have its first flight and many other things would happen in the world.

But the question to ask really is that if he would have lived to a ripe old age of 100, would we as Indians still have revered him the way we do today? It's a very difficult question to answer and one that has no right answer. Mahatma Gandhi's assasination in 1948 was so shocking and so premature for Indians that it was obvious that we raised him to a status of God. Not that this was a wrong thing to do. C'mon, let's face it - he was the most important reason we got independence in 1947 and there in lies the catch.

Mahatma Gandhi was the leader and a beacon for Indians at that time with a simple objective of getting India's independence. In the mind of Indians his main KRA was to get India independent. He was the man for that job. In 1947 that job was completed and he had attained the pinnacle of his life. What next? The running of the country had already passed on to the 'real' politicians. What was to be Gandhiji's new role in the new free India? I think that question would have haunted the new India if he would have lived long. How would we have treated Gandhiji if he had lived to be 100? Would we have revered him the way we do today or a little bit less?

My personal views are that he would have got sidelined as the running of the country would have been taken over by the politicians. His work, in the first few years, would have been to unite India and get the princely states to join India. He would probably have done a great job of that but as India would have started building herself, he would have got sidelined. Politicians would have told him that he had attained what he set out to do and that it was time for him to rest and relax, which he would not have been able to. He would have been treated like a man retired from him job and being asked by everyone to 'take it easy' when the man himself has so many thing that he can accomplish and is not ready to retire. These are my personal views.

In a way, his premature death in 1948 was like a person leaving the stage at the peak of his career. The person is always remembered as THE GREATEST and as a benchmark. The premature leaving of Gandhiji left such a void in India that it could be filled only by loving him more and by reminding ourselves of his ideals, his beliefs and his faith. As a country we did that beautifully on paper but we forgot to practice them.

With passing generations, 2nd October has become just another holiday, a dry day for some, to watch re-runs of movies like Gandhi and more recently 'Lage Raho Munnabhai' and to try and explain to our children who he was and what he stood for.

Wonder what India will do in 10 years time when it is Gandhiji's 150th birthday on 2nd October 2019. Will we be opulant and go overboard in our 'celebrations' or will we try to follow his path?

Only time will tell. I am sure Gandhiji is smiling from somewhere!

Day 41 - Ten Places

I was watching a program on Discovery Travel and Living last night which spoke about 10 places to see before you die. This was the first time I caught the program but I guess what they do is get some well known person and ask them the question, then go to those places to show you why its a must-see place.

The program last evening spoke about Great Wall of China, Mount Fuji, Angkor Wat and few other places. It got me thinking on what are the ten places that I want to see before I die.

Here is my list, in no specific order of priority:

1. Grand Canyon, USA
   
2. Shuttle Launch from Florida, USA
   
3. Eiffel Tower, Paris
4. Colosseum, Rome
5. Sistine Chapel, Vatican City
6. Christ The Redeemer, Rio de Janerio
7. The Pyramids, Egypt
8. Great Wall, China
9. Angkor Wat, Cambodia
10. Lhasa, Tibet

But after putting down this list, I realised that all these were outside India. I thought about my close friend - Malathi - who is currently doing a trip to Delhi and Agra just to see those places and realised that there are probably many places in my own country that I have not seen and that rival the grandeur of the above places.

So I got down to listing the 10 places in India that I would like to see and here is my list, again in no order of priority:

1. Taj Mahal, Agra
2. Qutub Minar & Red Fort, Delhi
3. Temples of Love, Kahjuraho
4. Statue of Bahubali, Shravanabelagola
5. Sun Temple, Konark
6. Ruins of Hampi, Karnataka
7. Golden Temple, Amritsar
8. Jaisalmer Fort, Rajasthan
9. View of Mount Kanchenjunga & Ladakh
   
10. Rameswaram Temple, Tamil Nadu

Do you have a list of your own? I wonder if I will be able to complete this list before the time comes.